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Why Should Gay Men Work with a Surrogacy Agency?

In our latest guest post by Circle Surrogacy, we learn about some of the benefits gay men should come to expect when working with an agency

You've already made the big decision. You're ready to start your journey as a gay parent, and surrogacy and egg donation is the way you'd like to do it. Now, you have to decide if you want to find a surrogate and egg donor independently, or if you want to work with an agency. While both options have great benefits, this is a monumental decision and you'll want to be sure you're in good hands. Working with an agency can help reduce the stress and uncertainty in a surrogacy journey. The key is to find the right agency for you and your needs.

A surrogacy journey is like a detailed puzzle, the two most important pieces of which are trust and honesty. Trust and honesty are critical in this process and working with an established, flexible, and reputable agency make this process much less intimidating.


What are the benefits of working with a surrogacy agency?

You don't have to be a surrogacy expert

Agencies bring an immense amount of experience to surrogacy, which by nature is a very complicated process. A tremendous amount of coordination and planning goes into a surrogacy journey, as well as legal contracts. A surrogacy agency works with intended parents each and every day. By letting the experts focus on managing and guiding your journey, you can focus on enjoying the experience and preparing for the arrival of your baby!

Legal needs are taken care of

Critical components in a surrogacy journey are contracts and legal needs. You'll want to work with an agency who has lawyers experienced in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) law. At Circle Surrogacy, we have a team of knowledgeable lawyers and coordinators in-house. Having a team of legal representatives on staff streamlines communication between the program coordinator and the legal professionals, and keeps the guidance of your journey all under one roof.

LGBTQ+ friendly and knowledgeable

Each state and country has specific laws and regulations for same sex IPs. Circle Surrogacy was founded by a lawyer and gay dad through surrogacy, who built an agency that helped members of the LGBTQ+ community have biological children safely and securely. Circle has helped gay singles and couples for over two decades grow their families, all over the world. Our legal staff is experienced in the legal rights of the LGBTQ+ community and stay educated as the laws change. Working with an agency that has this level of expertise in both social work and law helps to ensure a positive and successful journey for IPs.

An agency manages the entire process - so you don't have to

In addition to having a full staff of experts in the industry, many agencies also provide services that help to create a safe and trusting relationship between the egg donors, surrogates, and intended parents. Established agencies such as Circle Surrogacy, provide services such as:

• Screening surrogates and egg donors

• Matching intended parents with surrogates based on multiple criteria

• Helping intended parents find an egg donor that meets their needs

• Coordination with medical providers

• Supporting intended parents and surrogates throughout the process

• Representing intended parents for all necessary legal work

• Helping to secure insurance coverage for the pregnancy and the children post-birth

• Preparing hospitals for the birth

• Continued support for everyone after the birth of the child

• Detailed accounting and financial support

You know exactly where your money is going.

When you work with an agency, you will pay an agency fee, something you wouldn't have to pay in an independent journey. This agency fee covers the costs of your agency to manage your journey (including legal fees), and can help control costs in the long run. Look for an agency that is transparent about their costs, so you don't find surprise costs along the way. Agencies such as Circle believe in giving their intended parents an accurate picture of the cost of the entire journey upfront so they can make appropriate financial plans. Circle also offers a Fixed Free Program which fixes surrogate, agency and legal costs to a designated amount - if costs end up being more, Circle will cover them. Plus, they have relationships with many fertility clinics, and can help advise on fertility plans to help control costs.

***

Transparency, specialization, program management, and expertise are not the only benefits of working with an agency. Agencies also provide support, guidance, solutions, and community. Most surrogacy agencies extend services to help make the whole process easier and less stressful, but not every agency is a good fit for everyone. Having chemistry with your agency is important and will lead to a better experience all around. It's important to do research beforehand and meet with multiple agencies before making a decision!

Learn more about how Circle Surrogacy can help you become a parent today.

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Surrogacy for Gay Men

Learn How These Dads Used Social Media to Find Their Surrogate

In the latest "Broadway Husbands" vlog, Bret and Stephen discuss the rather unconventional way in which they found their surrogate: through a Facebook group.

In this, the Broadway Husbands' sixth video, Bret Shuford and Stephen Hanna discuss the rather unprecedented process they went through to find their surrogate. The lucky couple also chat about winning an "Intended Parents" competition, which granted them the free services of a surrogacy agency who is now helping guide them (and their new surrogate!) on their journey.

In the first video below, get caught up to speed with the dads-to-be. Plus: there's bonus footage! Ever wondered about the financial side of their journey? In the second video, Bret and Stephen talk candidly about how they're managing to afford their dream of fatherhood.

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This Guy's "Annoying Phase" Is All Of Us the Day We Become Dads

With little to do but wait once their surrogate's water broke, Grant entered what his husband lovingly refers to as his "annoying phase."

It was 3:09am on February 7th when my phone rang. This, in and of itself, was strange as my phone is always on silent. But, for some reason, earlier that night I decided that I needed to change my phone settings to make sure the phone rang just in case our surrogate called. It was a week before our scheduled C-section and our doctor gave us no reason to think we would be welcoming our baby any earlier than the previously scheduled date.

"I think my water broke. No wait, it definitely broke," our surrogate tells me.

"Your water broke?" I replied helpfully. "Should we head to the hospital?"

"Um, yeah. Get in the car and drive. I'll meet you at the hospital."

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New Dad Andy Cohen Uses Today Show Appearance to Talk About Complications Facing Gay Men on Path to Parenthood

New dad Andy Cohen talked about the challenges facing many gay men when trying to decide between adoption and surrogacy

Bravo's Andy Cohen, who recently became a new dad via surrogacy, has wasted no time drawing attention to many of the complicated choices facing gay men on their paths to parenthood. During a recent appearance on the Today Show, hosts Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb asked him how he made made the decision between adoption and surrogacy.

Cohen noted, first, that he was lucky to have the means to do surrogacy, which costs an average of $120,000. But he also noted there would have been complications on his path, no matter which route he had chosen. Surrogacy, he noted, is not legal in all 50 states. "It's incredible to me, as I've now learned, that surrogacy isn't legal in all 50 states," he said. "It's illegal in New York and New Jersey, which is why I went to California."

Cohen then also drew attention to the difficulty many LGBTQ people face trying to adopt. Though he stated it was "illegal to adopt" for gay people in certain places, this is technically not true. (The Supreme Court's marriage equality ruling in 2015 paved the way for LGBTQ people to adopt, legally, in all 50 states, but some states have since passed laws that make it legal for state-licensed welfare agencies to discriminate against LGBQT people on the basis of religion).

Still, we applaud Cohen, who also recently opened up to People Magazine about his journey to fatherhood, for using his platform to speak out about challenges facing gay men who want to become dads.

Watch the whole segment here.

Gay Dad Family Stories

Demolition Daddies: These Gay Dads Recently Appeared on House Hunters Renovation

The dads say their star turn on the popular HGTV show is all thanks to their two-year-old son, Theo, who charmed the producers

"I'm really not sure what our lives were like before having our son," pondered Matt. "I remember always doing stuff, but I have no idea how I wasted all that personal time that I find so precious now. I took so many showers without someone trying to pull all the towels down to make a bed on the bathroom floor. It must have been nice, but also wasn't as memorable."

Matt DeLeva and fiancé Joseph Littlefield met in 2014 at a Pride event at the San Diego Zoo, and have a 2-year-old son Theo through adoption. For this Los Angeles-based couple, and like many others, becoming dads was an emotional rollercoaster. Before being matched with Theo's birth family, they had two other connections with birth moms that didn't work out. "Each was upsetting," said Matt. "When you talk to birth mothers, you start to get excited and mentally plan your future. When it doesn't work out, it feels like a loss."

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This Gay Couple Was Inspired to Become Foster Dads Thanks to the Show "The Fosters"

Matthew and Brian say they used to feel like "unicorns" as gay foster dads. They're happy to see more LGBTQ couples take the plunge into the foster system.

Matthew Hamparian and his husband Brian Lawrence have been together for over 18 years and live in Columbus, Ohio. "We had talked about children for a long time," shared Matthew. They were inspired by the show "The Fosters," and watched it regularly as one of the staffers of the show was a friend of Brian's. In one of the episodes, Matthew remembers a conversation between a foster child and the biological child of his foster parents. The foster child asks if he was okay with the fact that he had to share his home with foster siblings. He responds that he is okay with it, because he and his family have enough of everything.

"It was very meaningful to us as we were both raised that when you got up the ladder, you threw the ladder back," explained Matthew.

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Terrell and Jarius need your help. Earlier this week they were made aware of an act of discrimination against a male transgender student at Johnson High School in Gainesville, Georgia

"Dex Frier was elected by the student body to run for prom king but is now facing backlash from the school's administration," shared the dads via their Instagram. "The school's Superintendent is forcing Dex to either run as prom queen or not run at all. This is very unjust and does NOT reflect the opinion of the parents nor the students."

Watch their video below:

Dex, 17, who came out identifying as male in his sophomore year, spoke with Gainsville Times about being nominated by the student body. "Frier said he kept his emotions in check while at school, but 'the moment I got home, I immediately started crying. I've never been shown so much support before,' Frier added."

He was later informed by school officials that his name had been withdrawn and he could only run in the prom queen ballot.

Sadly, there have been rival petitions started in support of Dex's nomination being withdrawn, and he's received backlash from those who believe he shouldn't be able to run.

Although Terrell and Jarius do not know Dex personally, they were made aware of what was happening through Jarius co-worker who is a parent at the school. "He's such a brave kid and is standing firm in his beliefs, and we should support him," said Jarius.

These dads are asking all of us to take a minute and sign this petition and share with friends and family, or anyone you think could help.

Gay Dad Life

Gay Single Dads Defend Andy Cohen's Right to Be on Grindr

After the Internet rushed to judge Andy Cohen for signing onto Grindr a couple of weeks after welcoming his newborn son home, fellow single gay dads rushed to his defense.

Last week, we wrote a post about reports that "What What Happens Live" host Andy Cohen had been "spotted" on gay dating app Grindr several weeks after welcoming a newborn into his home. This has some of his followers on social media all worked up"

"Get off Grindr and start being a dad," said one follower who appeared to think single parents must take a vow of celibacy the minute they start changing diapers. "You're sad, that kid has no chance," said another.

Well, suffice it to say that this judgment from people who are presumably not single gay dads of Andy Cohen certainly struck a nerve with our gay dad audience! We received well over 100 comments on this post on Facebook, the vast majority of them coming to Cohen's defense. We caught up with two fellow single gay dads to find out why the story struck a nerve.

"We don't have to live like monks!"

One of the most liked comments on our piece came from Owen Lonzar, who wrote the following:

"I have always been a good single father to my biological son who came to live with me when he was 7 years old. He is now 25 years old and we are very close. I used Grindr and dated while he lived with me. I never had anyone sleep over and he certainly never saw some man he didn't know hanging around my home. Single parents have to date responsibly and with sensitivity to their child but that doesn't mean they have to live like monks!"

We asked Cohen to elaborate a bit more on why the backlash against Cohen bothered him. He had the sense, he said, that much of the criticism against LGBTQ parents comes from gay men without children. "Gay men without kids have a lot to say," he said. "And all of it is ignorant, because they have no idea what it means to actually be a father." He said he was particularly disappointed in gay critics, given our shared history of discrimination. "You would think with all the prejudice we have faced that gay men would be less judgmental themselves," he said.

"Are we supposed to be celibate?"

Another commenter, Josue Sebastian Dones-Figueroa, who is a divorced father of five, questioned what Cohen's critics would prefer him do. "So what, parents are supposed to become celibate because they have kids?" he asked.

We followed up with Josue to ask him to elaborate a bit more: "The idea that just because he is a dad that he would need to stop being a man," he said, questioning why Cohen should have to put his life hold and stop dating, or having sex, just because he's now a father. "If the child is cared for loved and not neglected what is the problem? Life goes on right?"


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