Gay Dad Life

How Gay Dads Respond When Kids Ask: "Why Do I Have Two Dads?"

We asked our community of gay dads how they've handled this question when they've received it from their kids.

In March, we asked dads in our community an important question: how do they respond to their kids when they ask them why they have two dads? Here's what some of them had to say.

"We were super honest that there was a girl, but she wasn't ready... however she loved him sooo much, that she decided that we should be his parents" 

"We've always talked to Lucas about being adopted, but he did recently ask why he didn't have a mom, which I guess is the same question. We were super honest that there actually was a girl, but she wasn't ready, or couldn't, take care of him. However, she (and I think this is the important part) loved him soooo much, that she decided that we should be his parents.

Oh...and then we follow it up with a question like, "isn't that cool?" Or "doesn't that make you so happy?"

- Dads Chris and Dave

"All families are different from each other, and the most important thing in a family is to respect and protect each other" 

"When our daughter ask, we answer that all families are different from each other, and the most important thing in a family is to respect and protect each other. A friend of her at kinder ask why she has two dad and she answer: because I prefer to have 2!!! 😂😍"

- Dads Federico and Pablo

"We try to keep our language, books and media as diverse as possible" 

"Our kid is almost 5 and she has never asked, I would guess because she is growing up in a community where there is no one model of what a family looks like. We also try to keep our language, books and media as diverse as possible so she not only sees herself represented in what she sees around her, she she also doesn't make assumptions about other family structures (two moms, one parent, foster families, step families, etc) When other kids have asked about her mom she just says, "I have a Daddy and a Papa." Kids just seem to get it these days."

- Dad Stephen

"Be honest and age appropriate" 

"I can't recall my son asking this question. His friends would ask a lot especially during the preschool years. Be honest and age appropriate. And try to provide access to info for your children so that they don't have to ask."

- Dad Aaron

"I think adults need more explaining than kids do" 

"Our situation is a little different because our boys were my brother's. 5 years ago we adopted my nephews Isaiah and Meafua they were 4 and 5. They know who their bio parents are. Unfortunately circumstances put them in foster care. I still remember sitting in the parking lot of Costco after walking our dogs. @nsrobson and both asked if we could adopt them. The look on their faces was priceless and I'll never forget it. A short time after we had yogurt with my son's classmate and his friend asked why he had two dads. My son corrected him and told him that he had 3 dads and 1 mom. ❤️❤️ Now they call me papa and Neil dad. I think adults need more explaining than kids do."

- Dad Glen

"We hope that by reading it to him from a young age, it will open up the topic for an ongoing, safe, conversation" 

"One of the things we're working on for Jasper is a children's book that explains how we came into our family. We are hoping that by reading it to him from a young age, it will open up the topic for an ongoing, safe conversation."

- Dad Grant

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