Change the World

What Do We Do When Our Kids Say The World’s Not Fair?

My son, at age 9, is obsessed with justice, or rather, he readily points out when something is not fair to him. When he feels that his sister is getting more candy, he declares, “That’s not fair!” Or if he didn’t get his promised computer time at school that day: “That’s not fair!"


Coincidentally he has also been talking a lot about racism, and has been labeling pretty much everything as such. “Dinner is racist,” I've heard him say. Um, not necessarily, honey. "Black Friday?! That’s racist!" Well ...

Again coincidentally, or perhaps not, the last few months we have been talking about the election in the U.S. "Donald Trump is racist," my son said, "because he doesn't like women." Yes, true, but not exactly, but yes that’s true too. One day he came home from school and said, "If Donald Trump wins the election then I can't go to the States because he's racist and everyone will have guns and they'll shoot black people and I don't want to die."

As a result, we’ve had some interesting discussions around our dinner table lately, as we’ve tried to help our kids, both of whom are of mixed race, navigate around these issues in age-appropriate ways. We told our son that it’s true: People may not give him the same opportunities in life because he's black. "That's not fair," he said. My daughter came to sit in my lap, and we said that some people will think less of her simply because she is a girl. “That’s not fair.” And some people believe daddy and papa should not be raising children. "That's not fair," he said once again, then asked for a hug because he didn't want to be taken away from us. No, it isn’t fair at all. But it is reality.

"Daddy, what if you married a woman, do you think people would stop hating you?" The problem is not who I love, I said, but that people disapprove of who I love. It’s not me who needs to change. But there is work to be done, still, in changing people’s minds.

While it pains me to have to teach my children that there is fear, intolerance and discrimination in the world, I feel I have to prepare them. It truly frightens me that there is a rise in the overt hatred in talk and increasingly in incidents in the U.S. (There's a warning to parents about setting limits and following through: Donald Trump is a man who has never been subjected to any consequences!) I naively thought that society was progressing in terms of equal rights, only to find out that bigotry and prejudice have been seething below a politically correct surface.

I feel fortunate to live in Canada and to enjoy a lot of rights here, but even Canada is not perfect. Consider the reaction to the Black Lives Matter protest at the Toronto Pride Parade as they sought to highlight a lack of inclusion and continued discrimination. How did most people react? By whining about their tactics and demands instead of listening to the heart of the message they were trying to convey: There's racism in the world's most diverse city.  Our city and our country like to boast about tolerance and inclusivity. But hatred, ignorance, bias, discrimination – they are not fair, but are here and indeed everywhere.

Where do we go from here and what can I do? Celebrate diversity. Promote inclusion. Educate myself. Speak out. Be a role model. Most importantly, my mission is to teach my children to be strong, confident, empathetic, engaged and visible.

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Change the World

In the Philly Area? Attend 'Family Pride' On October 5th!

Philadelphia Family Pride is hosting their 10th Annual "Family Matters" Conference on October 5th for LGBTQ parents, prospective parents, and their kids!

Guest post by Stephanie Haynes, the executive director of Philadelphia Family Pride

On Saturday, October 5, 2019, Philadelphia Family Pride will hold their 10th Annual Family Matters Conference from 9am to 3:30pm for LGBTQ parents, prospective parents and their kids of all ages at the University of the Sciences in West Philadelphia. The theme this year is "Telling Our Stories." Registration is now open!

In an interactive keynote, Anndee Hochman, author of the Philadelphia Inquirer's weekly "Parent Trip" column, will share highlights from her work as a journalist and memoirist. She'll invite conversation about the stories that shape us—what tales do we share? who does the telling? who is left out?—and how those stories, added up, are changing the world. Read her bio.

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Entertainment

Upcoming Marvel Hero is Not Only Gay — He's a Dad!

Break out the spandex, dads, Marvel finally recognized our superhero status!

Calling all gay dad geeks! This is not a drill!

At a recent Disney expo, Marvel Studio President Kevin Feige announced that an upcoming superhero in The Eternals will not only be gay — he'll have a partner and kids.

A gay dad superhero? Take that all of our collective high school bullies! We've finally made it!

But we'll have to wait a bit longer to figure who, exactly, gay dads 'round the globe will be dressing up as each and every Halloween for time eternal. Feige only revealed that the future character will be "married, he's got a family, and that is just part of who he is."

As Out Magazine noted, the rollout of LGBTQ characters in the Marvel universe has been teased for years. In 2015, Feige said the company would "for sure" include an openly gay character some day — a day which, finally, seems to be just around the corner. Just last month, the studio announced Tessa Thompson's Valkyrie character in the upcoming Thor: Love and Thunder will be its first queer character.

And now, with news of a gay dad superhero not far behind (November 2020, but who's keeping track?) it seems like the company is finally making good on its promise.

Watch. This. Space.

Change the World

Hungarian Company Raising Money for LGBTQ+ Organization with a LEGO® Heart

Startup WE LOVE WHAT YOU BUILD is helping combat misinformation and prejudice in Central and Eastern Europe

Guest Post from WE LOVE WHAT YOU BUILD

WE LOVE WHAT YOU BUILD is an innovative startup venture that sells LEGO® parts and unique creations. The core values of our company include social equality regardless of gender identity or origin. As LEGO® is a variety of colors and shapes, so are the people.

We all know that LEGO® is a brand that nearly everyone knows and likes between the age of 3 and 99 so this gives a great opportunity to connect unique LEGO® creations and Pride. We started a fundraising campaign for a Hungarian LGBTQ+ organization who's aim is to bring people closer to the LGBTQ+ community, they help to combat misinformation and prejudice regarding LGBTQ+ issues in Central- Eastern Europe since 2000.

You might know that gender equality and the circumstances of LGBTQ+ people is not the easiest in the former communist Eastern European countries like Hungary so this program is in a real need for help. For example a couple of month ago a member of the government said that homosexual people are not equal part of our society.

The essence of the campaign is when one buys a Pride Heart, a custom creation made of brand new and genuine LEGO® bricks the organization gets $10.00 donation so they can continue their important work. This Pride Heart is a nice necklace, a decoration in your home, and a cool gift to the one you love.

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Gay Dad Photo Essays

Pics of the Moment Before and After Gay Men Become Dads

Dig through your phones — what was the last pic taken of you BEFORE you became a dad?

We all have THAT photo: the one taken moments after we become fathers for the first time. For some of us, we're doing "skin to skin" in a delivery room. For others, we're standing proudly alongside our newly adopted child and judge in a courtroom. However or wherever it happens, though, we make sure to snap a picture of it.

But what about that last photo BEFORE you first became a dad? What does that image look like, we wondered? Well, we asked our Instagram community to dig through through phones and find out. Some of us are enjoying a last carefree meal or glass of wine, others of us are captured nervously contemplating our futures. Whatever it is, we've decided these BEFORE pictures are just as meaningful.

Enjoy some of our favorites! Want to play along? Dig through your phones and send us your pics to dads@gayswithkids.com!

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Entertainment

Gay Dad in Sundance's 'Brittany Runs a Marathon' is Relatable AF

Sundance hit "Brittany Runs a Marathon" stars a gay dad trying to get in shape.

Who would make for the best marathon training partner for an overweight, overly boozed 27-year-old woman? A gay dad, of course!

The pairing, for any gay man who has been subjected to impossible beauty standards (not unlike... literally all women?) makes a bit too much sense after watching the new Sundance film, "Brittany Runs a Marathon," starring SNL writer Jillian Bell (as the 27-year-old) and Micah Stock as the (somewhat *ahem* older) gay dad.

Based on a true story, the film follows Brittany, an overweight and over-boozed 20-something, trying to clean up her act by training for the New York City marathon — while doing so, she meets Seth (the gay dad), and the two begin to train together, along with Brittany's neighbor Catherine. Each has their own motivation for running: getting one's live together, recovering from a messy divorce, or an attempt to impress one's athletic son. (Which is the gay dad? Guess you'll have to watch to find out!)

We won't give too much more away, apart from saying that the trio — based off of actual people and events — really works. It's the feel good film you're waiting to see.

Expert Advice

Your 15 Most Common Questions About Adoption, Answered by an Expert

We asked our Instagram community for their biggest questions about adoption. Then asked Molly Rampe Thomas of Choice Network to answer them.

As part of our new "Ask an Expert" series on Instagram, our community of dads and dads-to-be sent us their questions on adoption in the United States. Molly Rampe Thomas, founder of Choice Network, answered them.

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Popular

'Life Is Amazing': Congrats to Gay Dads Whose Families Recently Grew!

Help us congratulate gay dads on their recent births and adoptions last month!

Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded in the last month or so a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

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