Personal Essays by Gay Dads

An All-Boys School: One Gay Dad's  Short-Lived Experience in the Traditional Environment

"The most dangerous phrase in the language is 'we have always done it this way.'" —Rear Admiral Grace Hopper

The process of entrance to Manhattan's elite private schools can be similar or even more rigorous than college admissions. And you can take that and multiply it tenfold when you're dealing with an all-boys environment. I know this from experience, as my partner Andy and I have spent the last year and a half dealing with one such establishment, that has been in existence for "136 years," and touts the cliché slogan of "educating boys to become scholars and gentlemen."

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Expert Advice

5 Keys to Emotional and Sexual Wellness While Raising Kids

How can two men raising small kids keep emotional and sexual wellness at the top of the list?

Recently I've had the marvelous experience of seeing my children attempt to decipher the English language, from sight words to phonics and everything in between. The struggle is real and tangible, but also so worth it to witness the development of their brains in such complex yet systematic and elegant ways. I try to appreciate those moments, because a moment later they do the stupidest shit on the fucking planet—for example, take a Jedi lightsaber, point it up my nose, and, without any reservations, pull the trigger, all the while laughing—and all that appreciation for our maker goes right out the window.

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Doctors always ask you personal questions, but how much do you actually know about your doctor? How can you make sure he or she is the right fit for you? If your doctor can't relate to you, you might not be getting the best care you possibly can.

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Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. - Shel Silverstein

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What would you do if your partner was in a serious accident—God forbid—and couldn't perform sexually? Never given it much thought? Neither had I, but I was confronted with this exact situation recently during a consultation with a client. He chose to be faithful and abstinent, minus masturbation—for 30 years. No sex. No sexual intimacy or mutual sexual expression. Wow!

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It was an amazing open house at Saint David’s, an all-boys school in the heart of the Upper East Side of Manhattan. The headmaster and his four student disciples delivered an unbelievable and passionate sermon on what the school had to offer—from the amazing facilities and faculty to its vast exposure across all disciplines—and more importantly how they hold true to their mission to “be good men.”

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Learning to Go with the Flow
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Our busy lives and work schedules often prevent us from seeking routine preventive care. All gay men, including myself, want to feel and look great, along with optimizing functionality. When kids come along, health should be an even bigger priority to ensure we stay fit and healthy (and sane!) to take care of our little people. Remember, put your own oxygen mask on before helping others!

In order to continue to meet these yearly goals, one needs to go back to the basics and check in with his physician—preferably one who is gay himself, or well-versed in the medical needs, wants and desires of the gay community—to check off the following five important health checkups.

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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