Gay Dad Life

Top 10 Reasons You Should Date a Gay Dad

Jay Turner lays out the top 10 reasons you should consider dating a single gay dad

We're gay dads. Many of us were married to women, and for various reasons we eventually found ourselves single and looking for companionship from another man. Life is a little more complicated for us because we have kids. But that shouldn't deter you from seeking a relationship with a gay dad. In fact, there are many reasons why we make better partners than men without children. We are generally more mature, responsible, and emotionally available. We are also better communicators.

Here are the top ten reasons why you should date a gay dad:


#1. We excel at play dates

Playing dress up?

We've become experts at dealing with small minds with short attention spans, so we can handle even the pickiest guys! We know how to have fun, and we're more adventurous than you would imagine. We have an arsenal of creative ideas at the ready. Even when it comes to planning group activities, we're going to make sure we please all comers.

And we're experts at picking out the right toys!

#2. We take drama to the next level

Ever dealt with a teenager having a meltdown? How about a case of the terrible two's? Broken up fights between siblings? We've probably seen more drama than the cat fights that occur at your local gay bar, and we handle it with aplomb. We also don't bother being passive aggressive about it or spreading the news of our latest spat all over social media. What happens at home is dealt with swiftly and fairly and just between us. We've seen it all, but there's no reason the rest of the world should see it too.

#3. We know how to compromise

As dads, we've become skilled negotiators. My younger daughter is a fashion diva, and when she was very little she demanded the right to pick out her own clothes. Every morning we were met with a meltdown. As a compromise, we instituted "Me Mondays." On Mondays, she could choose what she wanted to wear, so long as it was weather appropriate. That led to some… questionable fashion choices. She may have looked like a destitute queen voted off the first episode of Drag Race, but she felt empowered, and that's what mattered. The rest of the week, we called the shots.

We know how to compromise, because that's how our life works. Sometimes, we really just don't care. We've learned to pick our battles. You're having a meltdown because you really wanted the Range Rover, but we have a Ford budget? We see the big picture.

We don't sweat the small stuff. Things that would cause a hissy fit with some guys just roll off us. It's not that we don't care about you, but we know that it's just not worth arguing about some details.

#4. Nothing scares us

Before coming out, I remember being so scared of anyone learning my big, dark secret. I was terrified that anyone would discover I was gay. Certainly as gay men, we've endured our fair share of discrimination, and in some parts of the world we even fear for our safety. But nothing can prepare you to face the world like having kids.

If you've raised kids, you've seen it all. From dirty diapers to the stomach bug, we've seen and cleaned up our share of messes. Bloody noses and all sorts of cuts and bruises have probably been endured. Have you ever seen childbirth? Yikes!

From accidents to terrifying displays of defiance, we are unfazed. We've probably been yelled at and assaulted more than most, and yet we still stand our ground. These little ones have been placed in our care, and we're going to do whatever it takes to protect and care for them. We don't back down.

We're willing to fight for what we believe in and for those we love.

#5. We're all about comfort

Yes, it's fun to go out for an amazing dinner, followed by drinks and dancing until the wee hours of the morning. But have you ever snuggled up under a blanket with popcorn and chocolates and watched Disney movies for hours? How about spreading a blanket out in the park and taking a nap in the sunshine? Yes, we know how to have fun, but we also enjoy sleeping late and just snuggling.

Every day doesn't have to be spent running ourselves ragged to keep up with the party circuit. Sometimes, we're content to just take it easy. This takes the pressure off of you to keep another man constantly entertained.

#6. Endurance

Up at 6:00am, getting kids ready for school, packing lunches, commuting, homework, practices, play dates, gym time, getting in a run, and more makes for busy days. We juggle and stretch to get it all done.

We're all in. We know how to go for a long time, and we know how to make it fun. We don't back down, even in the toughest of situations, and we can literally go all night.

#7. You'll never be first

You will never be first, but you'll strangely be okay with that. You see how much we love our littles. You'll see us sacrifice and compromise in ways that most men would never consider. We are always going to put our children first, and when you see that kind of selfless love and devotion to the wellbeing of another, you'll know that a gay dad is the kind of man you want in your life.

I know the world doesn't revolve around me. That gives me a different perspective from many gay men. Ever bothered by how selfish and self-centered some men can be? Gay dads have learned to give of themselves in ways that many men have never had to face, and we have our priorities in order. Sometimes that means I don't get my way, but it helps me grow as a person and become a better human.

#8. We take a long view of time

We only have these kids in our care for about 18 years. After that, they leave the nest. We have to take a long view of time, because we are planning not just this week's activities but what we're going to be doing with our lives after our kids are grown. Who will we be? What will we do with our lives?

This perspective helps us reach our goals and plan for our dreams. We're focused on long-term happiness and success.

#9. We listen and know how to meet your needs

One of the most important things a gay dad does is listen. We've become skilled communicators out of necessity. How are you feeling? What do you like? No, what do you REALLY like?

Do you have any idea how picky kids can be? No, wait – do you have any idea how picky a gay man can be? We have become experts at reading between the lines. We know what you're thinking when you first wake up in the morning. After all, we're men too. We understand those midday urges, and we're all for a little wrestling match and maybe some cookies before bedtime.

#10. We understand true love

What is true love? I think we're all aware that it isn't that 1:00am Grindr booty call. It's not even the butterflies in your stomach you get when he's showing off that latest package from Andrew Christian. We know that true love is a lot more.

I like to define true love as a choice. I'm all for some fun, but for those of us who want more than a one-night-stand, feeling chosen takes a relationship to another level. True love is choosing the very best for the beloved. It's choosing what is best for the beloved, sometimes even at a cost to myself. It's putting another person before yourself. It's considering their needs and the outcomes of your own choices.

We know what's important. We have our priorities in order. We take care of our own.

Show Comments ()
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

Dating a Single Gay Dad Is a 'Package Deal'

When you date a man with kids, you get the "whole package," says Kyle Ashworth

I am a package deal.

That is a phrase I have continued to tell myself since entering the dating scene. I say it because it's true. You see, I was previously married to a woman for ten years. From that relationship came four wonderful children who are the lights and loves of our lives. Seven years into our marriage I made some hard decisions. The most monumental of them all was coming out to my wife. Everything about being gay and living a life of authenticity felt like a fantasy to me. I didn't know what to expect, what to believe, or where to begin. I just knew I wasn't straight and living in that closeted space was destroying my life.

People often ask me what the hardest part of the journey out of the closet has been. That is a difficult question to answer. Coming out was hard because you'll never get a chance to go back in the closet—once you are out, you're out. Divorcing my wife was hard, because it meant that everything comfortable and "normal" in our lives would be disrupted. Losing friends and family members to bigotry and ignorance was difficult.

So why do we come out? What compels us to turn our whole world upside down?

Keep reading...
Popular

A Dad Gives Thanks After Finally Saying These Words: "I'm Gay"

Cameron Call, a dad of three, came out this past July — and is thankful to be living in his truth.

During this time of year when our hearts soften and we focus on our thank-yous and grateful-fors I feel it's time to share one of mine: I am grateful for courage. Particularly the courage to be vulnerable and finally allow myself to be seen. I've made some effort to be more real and honest the last little while when I post on here but social media still remains the world's most viewed highlight reel. It's so easy to keep up an appearance and maintain a certain reputation based on what we allow people to see. I admit that I have done this for far too long my entire life. I'm tired of hiding and I am sick of pretending.

Speaking of courage, I haven't had a lot of it throughout my life. I've always been an introvert, soft spoken, scared to share my ideas, rarely spoke up, etc. But things are different now. I'm different. For so long I've been afraid of admitting and embracing a certain truth about a part of myself. And that fear has motivated some life altering decisions throughout my 33 years of life.

Kristin and I finalized our divorce back in July after more than ten incredible years.

Keep reading...
Gay Dad Family Stories

One Dad's Plan to 'Co-Parent Like Crazy' with His Future Husband and Ex-Wife

"I see my daughter being raised in such a loving home," said Nick. "She'll understand equality and love, and I hope I will instill those qualities in her so that she spreads it to others."

When we asked 30-year-old Nick from Fort Worth, Texas, about his path to fatherhood, he told us it was a long story and to get ready. Nick became a dad through a previous straight relationship and only came out a few years ago, but a lot has happened since then.

Growing up, Nick was raised with the belief that he should, one day, become a dad and have a family. He was brought up Catholic, and was taught that his only option to have a family was with a woman.

At first, he didn't question this belief, but he distinctly remembers the first moment when he realized he was attracted to men.

"At around age 14, I remember getting in trouble in class and was sent to sit in the hallway and this guy came walking down the hallway and I thought, 'Oh, he's cute.'" After pondering that thought for a while, Nick began to look at other guys and soon realized that he was attracted to guys. "I never asked my parents, or any religious figures from church, about these thoughts that were rapidly swimming around my head—even when I was supposed to confess my sins in confession at church. I was terrified that the Father of the church would tell my parents and I'd be exiled or forced into being straight."

Keep reading...
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

A Gay Dad Gains Clarity After a Health Scare

A recent health scare helped give Erik Alexander clarity.

Sometimes fear can cripple the mind and hinder ones judgement. Having children of my own, I have come to grips with accepting the things I cannot change and learned to take action when there is no other choice. When it comes to my own personal health, the future and well being of my family gives me all the clarity I need to make the right decision about any kind of health scare.

This episode is dedicated to all the parents out there that are going through or have gone through similar situations.

Keep reading...
Gay Dad Family Stories

This European Couple Became Dads Through a U.K.-Based Surrogacy Program

Janno, from Estonia, and Matthias, from Belgium, were accepted into the "Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy" Program.

Janno Talu, an accountant, and Matthias Nijs, an art gallery director, were born in different parts of Europe. Janno, 39, is from Estonia, and Matthias, 28, is from Belgium. Their paths crossed when the two moved to London, each from their different corners of the European Union.

Janno relocated to London earlier than Matthias, when he was 24, and his main reason for the move was his sexuality. "Although Estonia is considered one of the more progressive countries in Eastern Europe, when it comes to gay rights, it is still decades behind Western society in terms of tolerance," said Janno. "And things are not moving in the right direction." In 2016, same-sex civil union became legal, but the junior party in the current coalition government is seeking to repeal the same-sex partnership bill. "In addition," Janno continued, "they wish to include the definition of marriage as a union between a man and a woman in the country's constitution. Even today, there are people in Estonia who liken homosexuality to pedophilia, which is why I decided to start a new life in the UK, where I could finally be myself."

Keep reading...
Surrogacy for Gay Men

Interested in Surrogacy? Check Out These Bay Area Events This Weekend

If you're in the Bay Area this weekend, two major events are happening that will be of interest for dads-to-be and surrogacy advocates: the Men Having Babies San Francisco Conference, and the SF Advocacy and Research Forum for Surrogacy and LGBT Parenting (ARF)

If you're in San Francisco or the surrounding area, clear your calendar this weekend. Two events are happening simultaneously that are significant for dads-to-be AND surrogacy advocates: the Men Having Babies San Francisco Conference, and the SF Advocacy and Research Forum for Surrogacy and LGBT Parenting (ARF). For an outlines of both events, check out below.

Keep reading...
News

Gay Dads Show Up at Boston Event to Drown Out Anti-Trans Protesters

When Trystan Reese found out protesters were planning to show up to an event in Boston he was presenting at, he put out a call to his community for help — and gay dads showed up.

A couple months ago, Trystan Reese, a gay, trans dad based in Portland, Oregon, took to Instagram to share a moving, if incredibly concerning, experience. Reese, who works with Family Equality Council, was speaking at an event in Boston, and learned before his appearance that a group of protesters were planning to attend.

"As a trans person, I was terrified to be targeted by anti-LGBTQ people and experienced genuine fear for my own safety," Trystan wrote. In response, he did what many LGBTQ people would do in a similar situation — reach out to his community in Boston, and ask for their support. "And they came," he wrote. But it wasn't just anyone within the LGBTQ community that came to his defense, he emphasized — "you know who came? Gay men. Gay dads, to be exact. They came, ready to block people from coming in, ready to call building security, ready to protect me so I could lead my event. They did it without question and without reward. They did it because it was the right thing to do."

Keep reading...

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse