Gay Dad Life

Top 10 Reasons You Should Date a Gay Dad

Jay Turner lays out the top 10 reasons you should consider dating a single gay dad

We're gay dads. Many of us were married to women, and for various reasons we eventually found ourselves single and looking for companionship from another man. Life is a little more complicated for us because we have kids. But that shouldn't deter you from seeking a relationship with a gay dad. In fact, there are many reasons why we make better partners than men without children. We are generally more mature, responsible, and emotionally available. We are also better communicators.

Here are the top ten reasons why you should date a gay dad:


#1. We excel at play dates

Playing dress up?

We've become experts at dealing with small minds with short attention spans, so we can handle even the pickiest guys! We know how to have fun, and we're more adventurous than you would imagine. We have an arsenal of creative ideas at the ready. Even when it comes to planning group activities, we're going to make sure we please all comers.

And we're experts at picking out the right toys!

#2. We take drama to the next level

Ever dealt with a teenager having a meltdown? How about a case of the terrible two's? Broken up fights between siblings? We've probably seen more drama than the cat fights that occur at your local gay bar, and we handle it with aplomb. We also don't bother being passive aggressive about it or spreading the news of our latest spat all over social media. What happens at home is dealt with swiftly and fairly and just between us. We've seen it all, but there's no reason the rest of the world should see it too.

#3. We know how to compromise

As dads, we've become skilled negotiators. My younger daughter is a fashion diva, and when she was very little she demanded the right to pick out her own clothes. Every morning we were met with a meltdown. As a compromise, we instituted "Me Mondays." On Mondays, she could choose what she wanted to wear, so long as it was weather appropriate. That led to some… questionable fashion choices. She may have looked like a destitute queen voted off the first episode of Drag Race, but she felt empowered, and that's what mattered. The rest of the week, we called the shots.

We know how to compromise, because that's how our life works. Sometimes, we really just don't care. We've learned to pick our battles. You're having a meltdown because you really wanted the Range Rover, but we have a Ford budget? We see the big picture.

We don't sweat the small stuff. Things that would cause a hissy fit with some guys just roll off us. It's not that we don't care about you, but we know that it's just not worth arguing about some details.

#4. Nothing scares us

Before coming out, I remember being so scared of anyone learning my big, dark secret. I was terrified that anyone would discover I was gay. Certainly as gay men, we've endured our fair share of discrimination, and in some parts of the world we even fear for our safety. But nothing can prepare you to face the world like having kids.

If you've raised kids, you've seen it all. From dirty diapers to the stomach bug, we've seen and cleaned up our share of messes. Bloody noses and all sorts of cuts and bruises have probably been endured. Have you ever seen childbirth? Yikes!

From accidents to terrifying displays of defiance, we are unfazed. We've probably been yelled at and assaulted more than most, and yet we still stand our ground. These little ones have been placed in our care, and we're going to do whatever it takes to protect and care for them. We don't back down.

We're willing to fight for what we believe in and for those we love.

#5. We're all about comfort

Yes, it's fun to go out for an amazing dinner, followed by drinks and dancing until the wee hours of the morning. But have you ever snuggled up under a blanket with popcorn and chocolates and watched Disney movies for hours? How about spreading a blanket out in the park and taking a nap in the sunshine? Yes, we know how to have fun, but we also enjoy sleeping late and just snuggling.

Every day doesn't have to be spent running ourselves ragged to keep up with the party circuit. Sometimes, we're content to just take it easy. This takes the pressure off of you to keep another man constantly entertained.

#6. Endurance

Up at 6:00am, getting kids ready for school, packing lunches, commuting, homework, practices, play dates, gym time, getting in a run, and more makes for busy days. We juggle and stretch to get it all done.

We're all in. We know how to go for a long time, and we know how to make it fun. We don't back down, even in the toughest of situations, and we can literally go all night.

#7. You'll never be first

You will never be first, but you'll strangely be okay with that. You see how much we love our littles. You'll see us sacrifice and compromise in ways that most men would never consider. We are always going to put our children first, and when you see that kind of selfless love and devotion to the wellbeing of another, you'll know that a gay dad is the kind of man you want in your life.

I know the world doesn't revolve around me. That gives me a different perspective from many gay men. Ever bothered by how selfish and self-centered some men can be? Gay dads have learned to give of themselves in ways that many men have never had to face, and we have our priorities in order. Sometimes that means I don't get my way, but it helps me grow as a person and become a better human.

#8. We take a long view of time

We only have these kids in our care for about 18 years. After that, they leave the nest. We have to take a long view of time, because we are planning not just this week's activities but what we're going to be doing with our lives after our kids are grown. Who will we be? What will we do with our lives?

This perspective helps us reach our goals and plan for our dreams. We're focused on long-term happiness and success.

#9. We listen and know how to meet your needs

One of the most important things a gay dad does is listen. We've become skilled communicators out of necessity. How are you feeling? What do you like? No, what do you REALLY like?

Do you have any idea how picky kids can be? No, wait – do you have any idea how picky a gay man can be? We have become experts at reading between the lines. We know what you're thinking when you first wake up in the morning. After all, we're men too. We understand those midday urges, and we're all for a little wrestling match and maybe some cookies before bedtime.

#10. We understand true love

What is true love? I think we're all aware that it isn't that 1:00am Grindr booty call. It's not even the butterflies in your stomach you get when he's showing off that latest package from Andrew Christian. We know that true love is a lot more.

I like to define true love as a choice. I'm all for some fun, but for those of us who want more than a one-night-stand, feeling chosen takes a relationship to another level. True love is choosing the very best for the beloved. It's choosing what is best for the beloved, sometimes even at a cost to myself. It's putting another person before yourself. It's considering their needs and the outcomes of your own choices.

We know what's important. We have our priorities in order. We take care of our own.

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