Gay Dad Life

The Dads Behind the Instagram Pic Seen 'Round the World

Remember the photo that went viral of a deliciously cute baby, arms stretched above his head, his cherub-cheeked face looking serene, nestled in bed between his two daddies? Well, those two dads are Josh and Jeremy and they live with their two kids, the aforementioned 9-month-old Anakin and 2-month-old Izley, in Salt Lake City, Utah. We caught up with the dads, who were overwhelmed by the loving response to their sweet family photo, to see how their family came to be.


Jeremy, a registered nurse, and Joshua, a firefighter and paramedic, met while working for the same ambulance service company. They've been together 7 years and on April 24, 2015, the two married and celebrated their union with a Batman themed wedding (Why should kids get all the fun theme parties?!).

Becoming Dads

Having always wanted kids, Joshua and Jeremy wanted to start their family sooner rather than later. The price tag that accompanies surrogacy was a bit too steep, making adoption their chosen route.

"Plus," added the dads, "We would rather spend the money we saved from adopting [rather than surrogacy] on improving our home to make it a safe and fun environment for our children. Love is love and it doesn't matter if your child has your bloodline or not."

But the dads experienced a major setback in April of last year. They had been matched with a birth mom and were away on vacation when they heard she'd gone into labor. They quickly rushed home, making it in time for the birth. One day later they took their baby girl home, but 7 days later the birth mom changed her mind and took the child back.

"We were heartbroken!" said Joshua and Jeremy.

They later found out that the birth mom had wanted more money, and when she'd asked the dads post-delivery, they had refused. So she had found another couple that paid more and took her daughter back to offer her to the other couple.

"After this ordeal, we pulled our adoption profile and debated if we wanted to try again."

They decided that they did. And in November 2016 they welcomed Anakin, closely followed by sister Izley in May 2017.

Anakin and Izley

Their New Life

Before having kids, Joshua and Jeremy would enjoy spontaneous movie nights, dinner dates and going out. They still manage some date nights but now they play host more often. Did they lose some of their old friends? Yes, but they met new ones with kids of their own.

"Can't say much has changed except it takes longer than 20 minutes to leave the house and both Josh and I are a little more tired than normal."

As gay dads they're yet to experience any discrimination, only incorrect conclusions on the role of each dad – they hear "Mom's day off?" and the likes. But it's like water off a duck's back to them.

Jeremy and Joshua with Anakin

Lessons Learned

As for for all parents, the two admit there can be some difficult moments, but they've learned to be patient and humble.

"Being a parent can be frustrating at times, especially at 3am when you are awoken from your sleep or when your child is crying and you can't figure out why," they said. "But it makes it all worth it when they smile every time they see you or when they snuggle up next to you."

In regard to their failed adoption, the men say that it was a test that no one can prepare for, but they took each day as it came and they're thrilled they stuck to their path.

"Never give up your dreams!" said Jeremy and Joshua. "There might be setbacks along the way but don't give up. Fatherhood is something everyone should experience."

As for other couples looking to adopt, Jeremy and Joshua suggest looking for others for support, people who have also been through the process. It takes a village after all.

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Gay Dad Life

Broadway Performer's Surrogacy Journey Briefly Sidetracked — for One Very 'Wicked' Reason

"Broadway Husbands" Stephen and Bret explain the exciting reasons they had to hit pause on their surrogacy journey — but don't worry, they're back on track!

In the latest video of the Broadway Husbands sharing their path to fatherhood, Stephen and Bret explain their hiatus for the past 4 months. The couple have big news to share including a relocation, a job announcement, and the fact that they're getting ready to restart their journey (which they had to take a brief pause from since September).

Watch their video to find out their latest news.

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Top 10 Reasons You Should Date a Gay Dad

Jay Turner lays out the top 10 reasons you should consider dating a single gay dad

We're gay dads. Many of us were married to women, and for various reasons we eventually found ourselves single and looking for companionship from another man. Life is a little more complicated for us because we have kids. But that shouldn't deter you from seeking a relationship with a gay dad. In fact, there are many reasons why we make better partners than men without children. We are generally more mature, responsible, and emotionally available. We are also better communicators.

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Karamo Brown Co-Writes Children's Book with Son, Jason

The 'Queer Eye' star and his son named the story on a family mantra: You are Perfectly Designed

When his sons, Jason and Chris, were young, "Queer Eye" Star Karamo Brown repeated the same saying to them: "You are perfectly designed."

That mantra is now a Children's Book, cowritten by Karamo and his 22-year-old son, Jason, who used to come how and "say things like, 'I don't want to be me, I wish I was someone else, I wish I had a different life." As a parent, that "broke my heart," Karamo told Yahoo! Lifestyle. "I would say to him, 'You are blessed and you are perfect just the way you are,' as a reminder that you have been given so much and you should be appreciative and know that you're enough — I know that the world will try to tear you down, but if you can say to yourself, 'I am perfectly designed,' maybe it can quiet out some of those negative messages."

The illustrations, by Anoosha Syed, also make a point of displaying families of a variety of races and sexual orientations throughout the book.

Read more about Karamo's fascinating path to becoming a gay dad here, and then check out the video below that delves deeper into the inspiration behind "You Are Perfectly Designed," available on Amazon.



Personal Essays by Gay Dads

How This Dad 'Redesigned' the Holidays After Coming Out of the Closet

Rick Clemons describes how he made the holidays work for him and his family again after coming out of the closet

What I'm about to describe to you, is something I am deeply ashamed of in hindsight. I was a jerk, still in a state of shock and confusion, and "in love" with a handsome Brit I'd only spent less than 24 hours with.

I was standing in the Ontario, California airport watching my wife walk with my two daughters to a different gate than mine. They were headed to my parents in the Napa Valley for Thanksgiving. I was headed to spend my Thanksgiving with the Brit in San Francisco. It was less than one month after I had come out of the closet and I was so caught up in my own freedom and new life that I didn't realize until everything went kaput with the Brit on New Year's Eve, that if I was ever going to manage the holidays with dignity and respect for me, my kids, and their Mom, I was going to have to kick myself in the pants and stop acting like a kid in the candy store when it came to men. Ok, nothing wrong with acting that way since I never got to date guys in high school and college because I was raised to believe – gay no way, was the way. But that's another article all together.

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Shop with a Purpose with Our 2019 Holiday Gift Guide

Want to find amazing gift ideas while *also* supporting LGBTQ-owned and allied businesses? Look no further than our 2019 holiday gift guide!

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Diary of a Newly Out Gay Dad

A Newly Out Gay Dad Feels 'Demoted' After Divorce

Cameron Call showed up to his first family Thanksgiving since coming out and getting a divorce — and struggles to find himself "stuck with the singles."

Cameron Call, who came out in summer 2019, has generously agreed to chronicle his coming out journey for Gays With Kids over the next several months — the highs, lows and everything in between. Read his first article here.

Denial is an interesting thing. It's easy to think you're potentially above it, avoiding it, assume it doesn't apply to you because you'd NEVER do that, or maybe you're just simply avoiding it altogether. After finally coming out, I liked to think that I was done denying anything from now on. But unfortunately that's not the case.

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Resources

New Report Details the 'Price of Parenthood' for LGBTQ People

A new report by the Family Equality Council takes a deep dive into the current state of cost for becoming a parent as an LGBTQ person

Parenthood is expensive. But parenthood while queer is still prohibitively costly for so many segments of the LGBTQ community interested in pursuing a family, according to a new repot by the Family Equality Council, titled, "Building LGBTQ+ Families: The Price of Parenthood."

Among the more interesting findings was this one: the cost of family planning is relatively similar for all LGBTQ people, regardless of income level. This shows "that the desire to have children exists regardless of financial security," the report's authors conclude.

Research for the report was conducted through an online survey of 500 LGBTQ adults over the age of 18, and was conducted between July 11-18, 2018. For comparison, the survey also included 1,004 adults who did not identify as LGBTQ.

Other interesting findings of the report include:

  • 29% of all LGBTQ+ respondents reported an annual household income under $25,000 compared to 22% of non-LGBTQ+ respondents.
  • 33% of black LGBTQ+ respondents, 32% of female-identified LGBTQ+ respondents, and 31% of trans/gender non-conforming LGBTQ+ respondents reported annual household incomes below $25,000.
  • Respondents for this survey were selected from among those who have volunteered to participate in online surveys and polls. All sample surveys and polls may be subject to multiple sources of error, including, but not limited to sampling error, coverage error, error associated with nonresponse, and error associated with question-wording and response options.29% of all LGBTQ+ respondents reported an annual household income under $25,000 compared to 22% of non-LGBTQ+ respondents.
  • 33% of black LGBTQ+ respondents, 32% of female-identified LGBTQ+ respondents, and 31% of trans/gender non-conforming LGBTQ+ respondents reported annual household incomes below $25,000.
  • Regardless of annual household income, 45-53% of LGBTQ+ millennials are planning to become parents for the first time or add another child to their family. Those making less than $25,000 a year are considering becoming parents at very similar rates as those making over $100,000.
  • Data from the Family Building Survey reveals that LGBTQ+ households making over $100,000 annually are considering the full range of paths to parenthood, from surrogacy and private adoption to foster care and IVF. The most popular options under consideration in this income bracket are private adoption (74% are considering), foster care (42%), and IVF or reciprocal IVF (21%). At the other end of the economic spectrum, for LGBTQ+ individuals in households making less than $25,000 annually, the most commonly considered paths to parenthood are intercourse (35% are considering), foster care (30%), and adoption (23%).

Fatherhood, the gay way

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