It was an ordinary day at the gym – I was alternating between lifting too much weight and ogling the hot muscle studs around me. I went to my cubby hole and picked up my phone (I live on my phone at the gym and they all hate me for it). I saw a text from one of my best friends, swiped it open, and there it was - “Happy one year divorce anniversary!” Woah. It hadn’t even crossed my mind until that moment. I replied back “Thanks, omg I totally forgot,” then went back to my routine, slightly dumbfounded. Like clockwork, I started recounting this last year and how things have changed:
Living situation – Directly after my divorce, I leased a home that is maybe one quarter the size of my marital home. It’s still too large, and it began to drive me crazy. I decided to end some of my lonely nights by asking my two best gay friends to live with me – which they were happy to. We are now in a “Three Gays and a Baby” scenario, and everyone seems really happy. I made a huge decision a few months back to not renew my lease this November. I’m going to purchase a small condo here in Connecticut, and then a micro-sized studio in NYC – this will enable me to live back and forth, which I so desperately need. I need to escape CT.
Career – I’ve had HUGE strides in this department. Currently, I have five projects that I’m working on (including this column). The biggest is probably the reality show pilot I filmed that will center on single dads, and guess who the token gay one is? (Hint: me) It’s in the post-production phase, so we’re all crossing our fingers that it will get green-lit. Besides that, I’m re-visiting my dream of being a designer and partnered up with a luxury brand to create a line of perfect diaper bags. I feel busy, for the first time in years, and I love it. Everything I’m doing is an investment right now, so if even one of them pays off, I’ll be better than fine.
Love life – I had a typical post-divorce reaction and threw myself directly into the dating world. I had a boyfriend for quite a long time, but I made every mistake in the book so that was unfortunately doomed. Since then, I’ve stayed very low-key and am not exactly “looking” for anything. My gut tells me that I’ll eventually meet my dream guy in NYC, so I’m in no rush. When people ask my relationship status I reply “Frank’s having fun.”
Personal – I feel like a different person. I titled my first piece for Gays with Kids “Divorced, Depressed, but Still Fabulous as F*ck.” Well, I am definitely no longer depressed – mainly because I finally have embraced being single. I actually LOVE being single at the moment. I feel like I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and it’s very freeing. There’s nothing better than being able to sleep in the center of a queen bed. I was also able to successfully quit smoking, and have kept up my fitness routine. I don’t beat myself up as much as I used to, which is major for me. I accept things for what they are now, and have learned to live in the moment instead of the past or future.
My kid – I have done several articles about this topic, but basically my son is doing wonderful. We keep things very open around him, and the excellent communication is paying off. My ex-husband and I work together to make sure he is happy, and that will never change. I think the bond that we have has actually strengthened since the divorce, because our time together has become much more valuable. I look at him with nothing but pride, because at the end of the day I know he’s a great kid, who will grow into an amazing human being.
In summation, I’ve done an enormous 180 in one year’s time. People always say that once you get through the initial hurdle of the divorce, that it gets easier. I didn’t believe them at first, when I was stuck in the mud and couldn’t see past it. Now that I’ve crawled my way out, I’m on a goddamn roll, and I feel like Frank version 2.0 is going to be the best model yet – so stay tuned.