So You've Matched With a Birth Parent. What's Next?

A pregnant person has chosen me … we are meeting her! How can we prepare? Here are five easy ways.

Choose love always

In every conversation with her and about her, choose love. We get that adoption is full of emotions, but when in doubt lean to love. And come on, loving is easy!


Answer the pregnant person honestly and be sure to remain honest. This will assist in creating the potential for a genuine and authentic relationship with her now and forever. Just like you, she can see through the BS, so put it aside. Be open with her. Be honest with her.

Be ready to listen

Did you know that in a conversation, the person who speaks the most considers the conversation to be most successful? So this is easy. Listen more than you speak. Ask questions. Ask for examples. Ask for more. Over and over again. (and then write it all down, because it makes for an awesome gift for your kid one day!)


Follow the pregnant person's lead and respect what they decide is best in their life. Remain aware that changes may occur, such as meetings or changes in communication frequency. Flexibility is key. And if you are flexible with her, she will be flexible with you in return.

Be okay with no response from the pregnant person

Let the pregnant person have the time they need. The pregnant person may need the space to process what is happening. Be open and welcoming when the pregnant person does respond with texts, phone calls, or means of communication. This is tough. Grace is key.

It's that easy. It really is.


Molly Rampe Thomas is founder and CEO of Choice Network, an adoption agency that trusts people and their choices. The agency is on a mission to change the definition of family by welcoming all pregnant people, all children, all families, and all choices. Choice Network truly believes in the power of love and never backs down to fight for good. For more information, visit

Posted by Molly Rampe Thomas

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