Tell us about your path to parenthood. We choose IVF because it allowed us to genetically have a child of our own. We did consider adoption prior to contacting Boston IVF, however we decided that adoption would be best for later down the road. We also have an amazing friend who offered to carry our son for us years earlier. Therefore we reached out to her (Jessie) and made sure her whole family (her husband and three children) were on board with the decision. Jessie's husband has donated his sperm twice to a lesbian couple in the past. Jessie was simply our surrogate, we used Boston IVF to find an egg donor through an egg donor base.
Adam and Jason with Tristan
What obstacles did you face on your path to fatherhood? Doing IVF is financially taxing. You invest tens of thousands of dollars on the hope and prayers of having a family, however nothing is guaranteed. The first egg donor we found from the IVF data base ended up harvesting very poor quality eggs, to which out of 32 eggs originally retrieved, only 2 of the eggs reached fertilization (viable embryos). We felt defeated after spending tons of money to only have one chance at getting pregnant. We crossed our fingers and implanted both embryos into Jessie, and unfortunately we ended up with a miscarriage. We were simply heart broken. After a two year process where everything seemed to go wrong, we ended up with broken dreams. We took about 4 months to heal and then decided to do the whole process again. We went back to the IVF egg data base and found a new donor. This time around everything went so smoothly. We ended up with beautiful embryos from both Adam and myself, were able to implant two and freeze 12 more for the future. And in the end we ended up with our beautiful son Tristan.
How did your life change when you became a father? Since having Tristan I have become a stay-at-home dad. I was working as an office manager for a CPA firm. We decided it was in our sons best interest for me to stay home and we also plan on having more kids soon, therefore financially it made more sense for me to stay home. Besides that, life feels like it just started eight months ago. Tristan has made our lives so meaningful, joyful, rewarding...the list goes on and on. My whole life I've always wanted to have kids, to feel that love everyone talks about when talking about their kids. And I can honestly say now that it's something that's just so...hard to put into words how much love you can have for something so instantly and how they can just grab to your heart in ways you never knew possible.
What have you learned from your children since you became a dad? Adam and I have learned patience with one another. We knew going into parenthood that it would be challenging, however you can never really prepare for how much your life changes once you have a kid. At the end of the day now everything we do has to be reasonable and thoughtful because it's not just about us anymore, it's about Tristan. I also feel as gay parents we have a responsibility to be the best parents possible because we are under a microscope everywhere we go - a challenge we are more than happy to live up to.
Is your family treated differently than others on account of your sexual orientation? The only time we felt discrimination was when it came to getting our sons birth certificate. In Massachusetts it's legal for Adam and myself to be Tristan's legal guardians and have our names be the only ones on his birth certificate, however we had to get a DNA test to reveal who his biological father was. Our egg donor's information is only given to our lawyers, therefore Massachusetts wouldn't issue us Tristan's birth certificate until they knew which one of us was his biological father.
Where do you see your family 5-10 years in the future? We are already starting the IVF process again with Jessie for baby number two. Jessie is just the worlds most amazing woman. She knew we wanted a family of at least two, therefore she volunteered to be our surrogate one more time to help us achieve that dream. In 5 years I would love to see us with 2 to 3 children of our own and 1 child from adoption.