First of all, let me say how thrilled I am that this website even exists! “Gays With Kids” is a far cry from when I was growing up, without the Internet. The gayest thing I could relate to was Jack Tripper on “Three's Company”. He was on TV, he didn't have any children, and he wasn't even gay.
So, thank you to this site and to you, reader, for having this conversation together.
Sitting here, writing from my heart for my first blog, I am asking myself, "What question do I hear most while living as a gay man with kids?"
Of course, it's easy for the rude things to pop into my head first.
"What country is she from?" strangers asked about my 8-year-old American daughter.
Or the question posed in front of my 4-year-old son who came out of the foster system, "Awww, I am so glad you saved him! What did his mother do to lose him?" To answer those people: it is he who saved me.
I get it. Most people are still just genuinely intrigued by a gay with kids.
That being said, let's address the question I hear most often from other gay people, "How did you do it?"
I am shocked to hear how many gay people still think gays can't adopt at all. Many think it’s illegal. They whisper to me as if I am in some secret club they would like to join. The club of “How to Make a Baby Without Using a Turkey Baster, With Four Cocktails, and Your Best Girlfriend From High School”. I hate to tell you: there is no such club. I’m not saying that some of you reading this didn't do it that way, but I had no urge to see my DNA running around the house.
But I do think there is a secret. I think the secret is just admitting, to yourself and to the world, that you want to be a gay with kids.
I know I know, that sounds like a cop out. But we live in an age of gay parenting websites, Facebook, support groups, family, friends, all of whom would love to see us succeed in this! Sure, there are some naysayers; ignore them!
As a first step, just tell some friends that you want to be a parent; you’ll be surprised at what gift might come your way.
Next, I started doing research, making phone calls, asking people for help. However, here in Texas the (Christian) adoption agencies would not work with me because I was a single gay parent. (I’ll save that for another blog post). But I kept calling and asking, until I found someone who would work with me. My children came to me very differently; each journey was unique.
No journey can begin without that first step. Most people who asked that question (“How did you do it?) have to admit they haven't actually tried yet.
So that is my advice. Try. Reach out. Call a friend. Post it on Facebook: you want to be a parent. Take that first step onto the craziest ride you will ever be on: being a gay with kids.