Blogger Damian and his partner Andrew decided early on in their family planning journey that adoption was always their only choice. They had discussed surrogacy as another way to kickstart their family as a gay couple, but their hearts were set on adoption from the start.
“Adoption is a very personal decision for prospective parents to make. It’s impossible to say there is one reason why people adopt — because, in actuality, every family is different, and every family chooses adoption for different reasons.”
Although they can’t quite put into words why adoption interested them, besides it feeling like the natural thing to do, it’s clear they made the right choice for their family as they welcomed two twin boys to the pack.
When we asked Damian and Andrew if there were ever any moments they experienced serious doubts about their path to fatherhood, they responded with some very real home truths.
“You will always ask yourself; am I ready? Am I good enough? I felt I didn’t just have to learn how to become a Dadi, I also had to earn the right to be one.”
Damian and Andrew were honest, telling us they did little to no research. They didn’t want other people’s perspectives to taint their experience. As difficult as it may have been to go through the journey blind, they felt it was best to have no preconceived notions and just enjoy the ride.
The night before dropping into their agency, Damian vividly remembers planning his outfit with Andrew. He wanted something that said responsible but fun, light-hearted but protective - a quick rummage through his wardrobe proved unsuccessful. He didn’t quite have anything that combined this concoction of styles. In the end, he opted for his usual attire with a smart shoe, which was the best way to show his personality.
“We couldn’t have felt more welcome,” Damian beamed about his experience during one of their agency’s drop-in sessions. All the pressure to present himself as someone different melted away once they sat down with the social workers.
They were asked some questions to assess their readiness for adoption, but never felt judged at any point. Damian emphasized, “The discussion was informative but not overloading. It gave us the information required for us to be able to make an informed decision as to whether we wished to fill out the initial paperwork, progressing us to the next stage."
They found themselves filling out the initial paperwork there and then - the rest is history.
They remarked they’ve been very fortunate that they've faced no adversity to date. They’ve managed to make friends with a great group of parents and the school has been very supportive in listening to the past of their boys and putting structures in place to support their ongoing development.
Damian finished with some heartfelt words that prove fatherhood is worth it for every gay, bi and trans couple looking to expand their family. “We have beautiful, funny, energetic children and a very different feel to our home. Toys have taken over our house, nothing we own is clean anymore, fish fingers have become a delicacy and we frequently hear: “Dad, Dadi…look”; “Good morning, Dad, good morning Dadi.”
Nobody is 100% ready to become a father. Damian and Andrew were proud to tell us they embraced the entire process - even if it engulfed their entire lives for nine months. They prepared for the worst, as cautioned during a turbulent time like an adoption, however, their attachment has only grown stronger. They’re confident they can tackle anything that comes their way.
“This is our story. It may not appear 'perfect', but that’s the best bit, it’s those bits in between when you learn most about each other and you develop that trust and begin to connect as a family. A forever family.”
Damian offered some advice for other gay men considering pursuing adoption. “You may feel talking about your experiences as intrusive and daunting, but in fact, it was highly therapeutic.” So, if you were inspired by Damian and Andrew’s story and want to share yours, please get in touch. We’d love to hear from you.