A little over a year ago, I was overwhelmed with grief from my divorce and struggling to figure out how to soothe my son during the transition. I decided to pen a letter to him that I considered timeless – something he can refer to for many years that will still maintain its relevance. Initially, I uploaded the letter as a video on YouTube because I was starting a vlog and also wanted to share the divorce news with my followers. As nice as that idea was, I realized that it only reached a limited audience, and I should actually publish this.
Without further ado, this is my eternal letter to my son. I tried to cover every clichéd divorce topic possible, as I wanted the dialogue to remain open.
Hey Buddy, it’s Daddy.
I am writing you this letter from the bottom of my heart, which you’ve had in your palms since the moment you were born. When you entered my life, you made me a better man, and it changed me in ways I never knew possible. I have been teaching you the importance of having an open communication about things, even when they’re difficult. That’s what this letter is all about.
As you already know, your other dad and I aren’t together anymore. We are still a family and both love you very much, but there have been many changes happening in your life. I am writing you this letter so if you ever have any worries or doubts or fears, you can see this and know that everything will always be okay. At any time of the day, you can log on and read this, and know that it’s all for you. Daddy is always here for you, even when I’m not with you.
When your other dad and I adopted you, it was the best and easiest decision we’ve ever made. You were such a perfectly sweet little baby, and I feel honored to have experienced Fatherhood with you as my son. Watching you grow up over the years has been a beautiful and rewarding adventure, and I cherish every moment of it. I am so unbelievably proud of the little boy you have become – you continue to amaze me. When I look at you I know that are you a wonderful, loving person, and will grow up to become a confident and compassionate man. I will be there every step of the way with you.
Also, I don’t want you to worry about me. Just know that Daddy is doing everything I can to make sure I’m okay. This has been a hard time for everyone in our family, but you need to know that your other dad and I are still friends and work together to make sure you are doing amazing. Your other dad is an awesome guy, and I’m an awesome guy, but we just ended up not being awesome together. We tried everything we could do, but sometimes these things happen, and I apologize for the effects it has on you. This had absolutely nothing to do with you and I want to make sure you know that. It is not what any of us expected, but now we have to make the best of things and get excited for a new future.
Nothing makes me happier than when I get to pick you up at the beginning of our time together. I wake up on those mornings and am so eager to see your face and hug you and ask you about your day. I always say to you “I love you more than anything else in the world,” and nothing could be truer. You bring me so much joy just by being you. I love laughing with you and being silly and doing all of your favorite things with you. As much as you need me buddy, Daddy needs you.
So I’m here in my new home that I spent months choosing with you in mind. I hope you continue to love it, and we can make lots of wonderful memories here. You need to know that I did not leave you or leave the house. Your other daddy and I made a decision together and one of us had to get a new home so that’s what I did. This is also your home. I know it’s new and different, but you seem very content when you live here, and in time that will only grow.
The last thing I want to leave you with is this advice: always follow your heart, buddy. Always love as much as you are able to love. It is a beautiful thing and I know you will experience that one day. Don’t ever regret anything you do when it comes to love, for one day you’ll realize that love is life.
I love you.
I have read this to him several times since, and I can sense how effective it is. It’s kind of exactly what he needs to hear. I wanted to share this with the world because it’s a very succinct way to explain a break-up, separation, or divorce to a child. One of the top questions I get is “How did you tell your son?” And well, this is how. When I wrote it, my intention was to not elaborate on the negative and end the whole thing with a loving sentiment. “Love is life” is something I want ingrained in his very psyche, because it is simple and so very true.
Thank you for reading this, and please leave any comments below if you have any further ideas about explaining a break-up/separation/divorce to a child.