5 Different Ways Gay Couples Decide on Last Names for Their Kids


Recently, we asked our readers on Facebook a question: how did you decide which last name to give you children? While the question might have been simple, the answers were anything but. Here are some of the most common (and creative!) ways gay men have figured out the answer to the "name game" question:

#1) The Hyphen

By far the most common response was also the most simple: just stick a hyphen between both names and call it a day!

"We hyphenated our son's last name," said Adam. "And now that his adoption is finalized we are going to legally change our own last names to the hyphenated form as well so all three of us will have the same last name."

Steven and his partner hyphenated as well, but notes it can make for a long John Hancock: "[We] gave our son both of our last names," he said. "Its a long one but makes us a unique family: George Bonilla-Graham-Darby.

Bryan's solution to that particular conundrum? Let the kids figure it out when they're older. "[our kids] can keep or choose one [last name] if they would like when they are older."


#2) Concoct Something Entirely New

Several dads said they ditched both last names in favor of something entirely new. "I was Furness, husband was Moore," Cory wrote. "We became the Fernmoors. Our name change happened just before we adopted our son. Why should we feel we couldn't let go of our old name when our son had no choice but to do the same?"


#3) The Culture Club

Sæþór notes that the "name game" isn't one gay dads in all cultures must play. "In Iceland one doesn't change their name when marrying, gay or straight," he points out. "It is interesting living in a nation where last names change every generation, these things aren't as big a deal."

Others found creative ways to integrate their children's background into their names. "When my husband and I were married, we kept our last names," said Dwight. But they decided on something unique for their son. "We decided to use my last name, and to honor his culture and heritage (he is Chinese) we used the last part of his first name as our sons middle name."


#4) The Single Dad

Many readers pointed out the "name game" isn't a problem for the single dad. "I'm a single parent," said Talon. "So that was an easy one for me."

And what if they partner up in the future? That's a decision for a later date, says Joseph. "Since I am single, obviously [I kept] my last name," he wrote. "Now if I was in a relationship it would be an open communication decision that both parties can agree on."

#5) Leave it to Fate

David let the gender of the child decide the fate of the last name. "We kind of flipped a coin," he wrote. "[We] decided if we had a girl we'd use my mom's middle name and my husband's last name, and if we had a boy we'd use my husband's middle name and my last name."
And the award for the most practical solution to the "name game?" That would definitely go to Dan: "We decided based on what would look better on a soccer Jersey," he said.

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Posted by Chris Phillips

Chris is a new dad living in Brooklyn with his husband and infant son. Chris became a dad through an amazing and strong open adoption. After bath time and bedtime, Chris likes to read novels by gay authors and perfect his banana bread game. Chris's favorite hashtag is #lovewins.

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