Gay Dad Family Stories

This Couple of 27 Years Learned to Dream Big — and Became Dads to Twins

When Jamie and Kenny first met in 1992, marriage and fatherhood seemed laughable. But as the years progressed, so did their dreams.

Jamie and Kenny have been all over the world. To be precise, they have traveled to 66 countries. So far, they hasten to add. And they used to live in London. But in their own minds, they are still two small-town country boys from Louisiana.

Their story together started in 1992, when both men were young students (Jamie was born in 1974, Kenny is just six months older) from similar backgrounds at the same university in Louisiana. A mutual friend introduced them at a cafeteria, and they hit it off.

They hailed from very small and very religious communities that disapproved of homosexuality. Without any positive role models, Jamie and Kenny had internalized those negative views: The way they looked at their own lives, they assumed they would lead lives of ridicule, be unwilling to commit to one partner, would contract HIV and soon after die of AIDS.

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Personal Essays by Gay Dads

How These Gay Dads Prepared for Twins

Marc and Steve, who are expecting twins girls later this year, tell us how they've prepared to grow their family

Guest post by Marc and Steve

As mentioned in our previous blog it was a shock to find out that we will be expecting twins later on this year. It had taken some getting used to idea but now we are counting down the last few months before we can welcome our twin girls into the family.

Both Marc and I knew we always wanted to have more than one child, the main reason for this was so our first (Spencer) always had some company, someone to play with and so he never felt like he was alone. From around the age of three Spencer has been asking about having a sibling, we knew this day would come as inevitably he was going to have friends who had siblings, so at some point he was going to question why he was an only child. We always said we wanted to have as small of an age gap as possible but unfortunately this did not happen for various reasons. Not that it makes that much difference to us now, in fact we believe it has worked out better this way, with Spencer being that little bit older and more independent he can be a lot more involved with the care of his sisters. He is already telling us that he will help us by getting them nappies and wipes.

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Surrogacy for Gay Men

5 Questions for Gay Dads Considering Twins in Their Surrogacy Journey

To twin or not to twin: it's a question every gay dad contemplating surrogacy will have to face at some point.

Gay dads-to-be who are creating embryos for surrogacy have a big decision to make: who will be the bio dad? Some dads would BOTH like to be bio dads, and express an interest in having twins, where one baby is biologically related to each dad. The decision to do a Multiple Embryo Transfer (MET) which would possibly lead to a twin pregnancy is a big one, with much to consider in addition to bringing home two bundles of joy from the hospital.

Circle Surrogacy & Egg Donation speaks with gay intended parents every day about the options they have to grow their families, including embarking on a twin journey.

Here are 5 questions to ask yourself if you're considering a twin pregnancy:

1. Am I ready for my surrogacy journey to cost more?

With an average singleton surrogacy journey costing anywhere between $110,000 and $120,000 (excluding IVF), intended parents should prepare for additional fees associated with a twin pregnancy. First, your surrogate will be paid additional compensation to carry twins. Second, the maternity expenses are typically twice as high with a twin pregnancy, as high risk OBGYNs are often involved. There can also be risks to the babies with a twin pregnancy. We have found that twins can be born one month early, with roughly half of twins needing to spend time in the NICU (Newborn Intensive Care Unit). At Circle, we have seen the average cost in the NICU approach $100,000.

2. Have I spoken to my IVF Doctor?

Your IVF clinic is your best resource for understanding what it means to do a multiple embryo transfer and try and for twins. There are some IVF clinics that will allow any IPs that would like to try for twins to transfer 2 embryos, as long as the IPs and surrogate fully understand the risks. However, other clinics will not transfer 2 embryos unless there's a medical reason. You should consult your IVF doctor.

3. Have I discussed twins with my surrogacy agency?

It's important to discuss a twin pregnancy with your agency who will be supporting you and your surrogate throughout your journey. Circle Surrogacy, for example, would support Intended Parents on a twin journey if they make an informed decision to have a twin pregnancy; and Circle would ensure the Intended Parents fully understood the risks associated with transferring two embryos. Considerations include:

  1. A twin pregnancy provides risks to the surrogate and to the babies.
  2. The maternity expenses are typically twice as high with a twin pregnancy, as high risk OBGYNs may be involved.
  3. There are also risks for the children. On average, we find that twins are born one month early, roughly half of twins end up in the NICU and, in our experience, incurring NICU fees.
  4. Matching Intended Parents who want twins may take longer, as many surrogates are either not medically approved to carry twins or are unwilling.
  5. The overall cost of the journey will be greater as complications often occur, most deliveries are via c-section and surrogates often end up on bedrest.

4. Am I ready to care for two babies?

Caring for one baby can feel overwhelming at first, so caring for TWO babies (double the feedings and diapers!) may require additional help and support. You should be prepared to speak to your IVF clinic and agency about your plan for caring for twins once they arrive.

5. Am I open to hearing about doing a 'dual journey' instead of a twin pregnancy?

An option to doing a twin pregnancy is doing what is called a dual journey: when two surrogates are pregnant at the same time with singletons with staggered due dates. Scott Buckley, VP of Client Services at Circle Surrogacy, recommends dual journeys – or sibling journeys – as options to a twin pregnancy: "With a dual journey or sibling journey, there are fewer expenses because there are fewer risks with singleton pregnancies and births. Intended Parents will receive a discount on agency fees for a second journey. Plus, when parents decide to do a sibling journey and work with the same surrogate, their discount is doubled. Essentially, you grow your family with two babies without the risk of a multiples pregnancy."

If you're considering growing your family with twins, the first step is to talk with your IVF clinic, and see what your doctor recommends. From there, speaking with your surrogacy agency will help you understand what a twin pregnancy means for costs and fees, as well as for matching times and surrogate availability. There are a few options to have two bio dads in your family, you just need to find the one that works best for you.

Gay Dad Family Stories

Signing With Two Adoption Agencies to "Double Their Chances," These Dads Won Big with Both

Days after welcoming their first son into their home, Ryan and Brandon received "the call" from a second adoption agency.

Ryan and Brandon Bolton met in a bar in Chicago in early 2012. Brandon, a professional hair and make-up artist, was touring with a show and happened to go to the same bar that Ryan used to frequent. They eloped in August 2012 and were married in New York.

In June 2013, they moved to Florida, where they began researching their fatherhood journey. "We were going to attempt surrogacy, but the costs were too high," said Ryan. "Adoption was something that was feasible." The husbands decided they needed to get a few puzzle pieces in place before signing, and Brandon was touring on various shows while they saved. They eventually moved forward, signing with their first agency, Adoption Center US, in January 2015.

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Gay Dad Life

David Burtka's Cookbook to Offer Glimpse of Family Life With Neil Patrick Harris and Kids

David Burtka recently gave an interview with People Magazine about his new cookbook, "Life is a Party," which hits shelves on April 16th

David Burtka's new cookbook, "Life is a Party" slated to hit shelves on April 16th, will offer a look at life with his husband Neil Patrick Harris and their 8-year-old twins, Harper and Gideon, according to a recent interview with People Magazine. The book picks up where his Food Network special "Life's a Party with David Burtka" left off in 2016.

"The book gives a glimpse into our world and how we entertain," Burtka, who is a Cordon-Bleu trained chef, told People. "We show our lifestyle with the twins by carving pumpkins for fall, parading around the snow in the winter, and sharing my secrets for throwing an amazing and unforgettable event."


Burtka says he tasting many of the recipes that made the cut in the book out on his twins first. "It was lots of fun, but the kids would ask me, 'tangerine chicken, again?' and 'how many different ways can we eat lemon sole, dad?'"

Read the whole story here and pre-order the book on Amazon here!

Gay Dad Life

Cheyenne Jackson Says He's Loving that "Married With Kids" Life on Larry King

The 'American Horror Story' star sat down with Larry King to talk about his success, his siblings, and family life.

During an interview with Larry King, the "American Horror Story" actor Cheyenne Jackson spoke about what it's like being a married man with twins. "It is the best," he said.

He also mentioned that he and his husband, Jason Landau, have slightly different parenting approaches. "We definitely take different roles, naturally," he said. "I am a little bit more of a worrier. I'm a little bit more of, I guess, the mom, in terms of I'm very, very emotional and very tactile – the kids are just always on me. But I'm also more of a disciplinarian than Jason. He plays really crazy and wild with them and I'm always worried about them banging their heads against the wall. I like a really super tight schedule, and he's like, 'Let's just go with it, they're fine.'"

"A typical marriage," said King, who then asked if he and Landau had hoped to have twins.

"Yeah, well they encourage you to put two in just in the hopes that one will be a successful pregnancy. And both did."

See the whole clip here:


'American Horror Story' Star Cheyenne Jackson Talks Overcoming Addiction & Becoming a Father www.youtube.com

Fun

This Gay Dad Takes 'Twinning' to a Whole New Level

With his husband away on work, Danny Maffia was put on twin duty and filmed the experience for our viewing pleasure.

Danny Maffia and his husband Justin DeMartin became dads to twins after a three failed adoptions and two scams (read their story here). And not only did they get their family's happy ending, they are also winning at this whole twin thing!

Recently, while Justin was away for various work conferences, Danny was left holding the fort. For some fun, he decided to film his nightly routine with the twins. Remaining cool, calm and collected, in the video Danny appears to stay one step ahead of his twins at all times. Bravo, dad!

Danny was quick to follow up in his Instagram post that this was a very tame night in comparison to what it can usually be. Tame or not, Danny shows us how it's done. Our hats are off to you!

Personal Essays by Gay Dads

Why I Pursued Surrogacy as a Single Gay Man

Joseph writes about the events in his life that led him to choose surrogacy as his path to parenthood as a single gay man.

I don't even know where to begin. When people say lost for words, I never truly understood it until Friday, April 19, 2018. Email notification, "Test results. Positive. Congrats." Four words that completely changed my life forever.

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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