Gay Dad Life

Huge Congrats to New Dad, Andy Cohen!

Late Monday night, Emmy-winning reality TV producer and host, Andy Cohen, welcomed a son via surrogacy.

Late Monday night, Emmy-winning reality TV producer and host, Andy Cohen, welcomed a son via surrogacy.

"WOW! This is my son, Benjamin Allen Cohen. He is 9 lbs 2 ounces !! 20 inches !! Born at 6:35 pm, PT
He is named after my grandfather Ben Allen. I'm in love. And speechless. And eternally grateful to an incredible surrogate. And I'm a dad. Wow. ♥️🌈
"

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Change the World

Governor Cuomo Proposes Ending Ban on Surrogacy in New York

New York is currently just one out of four states to completely ban the practice of compensated surrogacy

New York's Governor, Andrew Cuomo, recently proposed a law that would permit compensated surrogacy for the first time in New York state. As the New York Post reports, a ban on the practice has been in place since 1992.

"New York's antiquated laws frankly are discriminatory against all couples struggling with fertility, same sex or otherwise," the Governor told The Post in a statement. "This measure rights this wrong and creates a new and long-overdue path for them to start families and also provide important legal protections for the parents-to-be and the women who decide to become surrogates."

This move is the latest in a slew of progressive policies backed by Governor Cuomo since Democrats in the state took control of the Legislature after the 2018 elections.

The law would bring New York in line with most states in the country. Currently, the state is one of only four (including Arizona, Michigan and Nebraska) that ban all compensated surrogacy contracts outright.Andrew Cuomo

New York State Senator Brad Hoylman, who is himself a gay dad through surrogacy, has introduced several bills over the years to legalize the practice.

"For the first time," the Senator said, "I'm seeing movement."

Read the whole article here.

Change the World

How "Easy" Is It, Really, for Gay Men to Become Dads?

It's never been easier for gay men to become dads, but a recent Washington Post article, which includes interviews with four gay parents, gives voice to some of the challenges that persist.

In recent weeks, with reports like this one in eWire.News, and famous gay dads gracing the cover of Parents Magazine for the first time, a perception is growing that it's now "easy" for gay men to be dads now. To examine this idea, Washington Post recently interviewed four gay men who have become fathers at some point in the past 10 years to examine their experiences. What they found is that, yes, it's easier than ever before for gay men to become dads. But we still face many more barriers than our straight counterparts.

None of these barriers will be news to any gay man who has become a father. But it's helpful that major publications like the Washington Post are now starting to recognize and give voice to them.

The first "finding" from their conversations is that gay men need more "money in the bank" that straight people. With the exception of adoption through foster care, "the financial costs are often tantamount to buying a car or even a house outright," the author notes.

The article also notes that gay men--and fathers in general--are given less paternity leave in the United States on average than many other countries. One of the dads interviewed for the piece, who adopted his sone through foster care, said he could only afford to take two weeks of paternity leave, which was " too short," he said. His son "struggled to see me as the paternal figure — I was just the guy who went to work and came home from work later. That's a struggle for most dads whether gay or straight — but I wish I had gotten more time just to bond with him."

Gay dads also must do more "emotional heavy lifting," the author notes, noting that many attend therapy for many months before taking the plunge. "We don't come to parenting by accident," another dad interviewed in the piece said. "We come to it by way of a lot of money, and with great intentionality. That is the commonality among gay dads with children."

A final common experience to many of the gay dads interviewed in the piece were annoyances dealing with strangers. "The thing that has been the most difficult are strangers who don't understand," one of the dads said. "They see us out with our son and we don't fit into their little box of what a family looks like. I've been asked whether Jeffrey and I mixed our sperm together in a cup. And that's rude, but as our son gets older, he is being shaped by a certain narrative about who he is."

Read the whole article here.

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"A New Adventure": Congrats to Gay Dads Whose Families Grew in January!

Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

Gay men go through a lot of ups and downs on the path to parenthood. It can be one of the most emotionally draining times in our lives. But as each of these families who are celebrating births and adoptions this month agree: it's worth every hardship.

Congrats dads!

We are also excited to announce that this post is brought to you by Choice Network in Ohio. Choice Network is a national leader in LGBTQ adoption. They have a goal of 50% of their families being created with LGBTQ people. "It is our core value that love makes a family." We're thrilled to be partnering with Choice Network to offer our congrats to dads whose families grew this month!

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Change the World

In a First, Scottish Gay Male Couple Offered IVF Treatment by NHS

But the government stressed gay couples will still be responsible for finding a surrogate

In a first, the National Health Service (NHS) in Britain is offering to fund an IVF treatment for two gay men forming their family via surrogacy. Previously, the NHS had refused to do so because of a ban on funding such treatment when a surrogate is involved. Two years ago, the Scottish government changed the law to allow any couple to be eligible. There have been no other cases of IVF treatment for people in England and Wales.

According to the Daily Mail, the Scottish couple (who requested anonymity) revealed they had been granted NHS treatment when they posted an appeal online for an egg donor.

"Our NHS clinic don't have any anonymous egg donors, they advised us we would need to find a known egg donor," the posting said. "Any suggestions how to go about it?"

After a friend voiced surprise that the NHS was offering gay couples treatment, one of the men replied, "it's a new service they offer in Scotland… we only found out [about it] when the GP referred us."

The move was welcomed by LGBTQ groups in England. Stonewall said: 'We welcome any move that ensures lesbian, gay, bi and trans people have fair and equal access to fertility treatment.'

When the Daily Mail reached out to the Scottish government for comment, they confirm fertility treatment for same-sex male couples using a surrogate. But they also emphasized gay men would be responsible for finding their own surrogate.

Change the World

A Dad Reflects on How Far Fatherhood Has Come for Gay Men

"I grew up closeted and conflicted, scared to be gay because of humiliation, fear of AIDS and because it was viewed as an affliction," said gay dad Frank Bua in a moving Instagram post recently. "Most importantly I was devastated that I could never have kids."

On the day his twins' reached a birthday milestone, dad Frank Bua took a moment to reflect on Instagram how far his life has come.

"My kids turn ten years old today. Double digits. I cannot begin to comprehend this milestone, for so many reasons. It has all gone by so fast, and I never thought any of it would be possible.

I grew up closeted and conflicted, scared to be gay because of humiliation, fear of AIDS and because it was viewed as an affliction. Most importantly I was devastated that I could never have kids.

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Broadway Husbands Talk Eggs, Embryos and Exciting News

The husbands explain what is considered a good egg retrieval.

In their previous video, Broadway Husbands Bret Shuford and Stephen Hanna shared that they found their egg donor. In this video, the dads-to-be discuss their embryo creation process. And - spoiler alert - there are now frozen Hanna-Shuford embryos, and the husbands are ready for their next step: finding a gestational carrier.

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Personal Essays by Gay Dads

This Gay Dad's Search for Reliable Surrogacy Info in Canada Led Him to Share His Own Story

Grant Minkhorst scoured the Internet for reliable info, relevant to Canada, but found "slim pickings."

When my husband and I decided that we wanted to start a family, we scoured the internet for information and resources about gay parenting. As many of you already know, it was "slim pickings," as Grandma would say. I stumbled from one website to the next with little to show for it. When I wanted to learn more about surrogacy specifically, I would repeatedly end up on surrogacy agency websites. While some included relevant information, I noticed large gaps and a countless inconsistencies. Not only that, but many of the agency websites were based in the United States where the surrogacy process differs from that in Canada. The search for a dependable resource for would-be Canadian gay fathers was frustrating and, seemingly, futile.

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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