Gay Dad Family Stories

Adoption for These Dads Was Like a "Rollercoaster" But Well Worth the Ride

After multiple scam attempts, bizarre leads, and a birth mom's change of heart, Jason and Alex finally became dads.

Photo credit: Dale Stine

Every gay man who pursues fatherhood fights for their right to become a dad. They've had to keep going even when at times it's seemed hopeless. Jason Hunt-Suarez and Alex Suarez's story is no different. They had their hearts set on adoption; overcame multiple scams, some very bizarre leads, a birth mother's change of heart at the 11th hour, their adoption agency going bankrupt, and tens of thousands of dollars lost along the way. But after a long, turbulent, and heart-wrenching three-year-long journey, it was all worth it.

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Gay Adoption

Considering an Independent Adoption? What Gay Dads Can Expect

The 7 steps for gay men pursuing an independent adoption.

So you've decided to adopt. You've weighed the differences between an agency adoption and an independent (or private) adoption, and you've decided on the latter. So what can gay men who have chosen to pursue an independent adoption expect from the process?
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Gay Adoption

Agency or Independent Adoption: Which Should Gay Dads Choose?

Your choice will be influenced by a number of factors, such as cost, how much support you'll want, and comfort level with having a one-on-one relationship with the birth mother.

You did your homework. You looked into all the different ways gay men can become fathers — surrogacy, co-parenting, foster care — and decided adopting an infant was the best route for you. Hard part is over, right? Sure. Until you realize the next big decision is just around the corner: Should you choose an agency adoption or an independent adoption to complete your adoption journey?

First, let's get some definitions out of the way. An agency adoption is more or less what it sounds like: you will select and work with a state-certified adoption agency throughout your entire adoption journey. However, you could also choose to work closely with an attorney and other adoption professionals to find a prospective birth family without the help of an agency. This is known as an independent adoption or a private adoption.

Neither route, it turns out, is inherently better or worse for prospective gay dads. Your choice will instead be influenced by a number of factors, such as cost, how much support you'll want, and comfort level with having a one-on-one relationship with the birth mother.

In five states — Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts and North Carolina — that decision has already been made for you: All of these states require adoptions to occur through a state-certified adoption agency. But if you live in a state that allows independent adoption, here are a couple of factors to keep in mind as you make your decision:

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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