Gay Dad Family Stories

After Meeting in Culinary School, These Gay Dads Are Creating a Wonderful Life Together, Using Simple Ingredients

Jason and Patrick live in Charlottesville, Virginia with their daughters, and run a successful French-inspired bakery.

These gay dads own a successful French-inspired bakery and restaurant located in historic Charlottesville, Virginia. Chef Jason Becton, 41, lives in Charlottesville (where Thomas Jefferson's home Monticello is situated) with his baker husband Patrick Evans, 36, and their two daughters, Marian and Betty; they together are the owners of MarieBette, a popular bakery-restaurant in downtown Charlottesville that specializes in European foods, especially in delicious pastries from France. "Our business has become a gathering place for Charlottesvillians and we feel very welcomed here," shared Patrick. "The majority of people know that it is a business owned by two men married to each other with two kids."

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Gay Dad Life

"Now We Have Everything": Congrats to Gay Dads Whose Families Recently Grew!

Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded in September a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

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Sponsored

Helping Gay Men Afford Adoption Through Sizable Grants

Helpuadopt.org is putting adoption within reach for our families!

Eight years ago, Jay Faigenbaum messaged Adam Jacobs on the dating site Match.com. Adam had let his membership lapse, however, so wasn't able to read the email. “I'd kind of given up on dating at that point," Adam admitted. Still, he was intrigued by Jay's mystery message.

“I called customer service and said, 'Dr. Phil promised me six months free if I didn't find love on your site,'" Adam laughed, referencing a commercial from the time featuring the self-help guru. Sure enough, the company offered Adam six months for free. But as it would turn out, one extra day was all he needed.

“Jay's email was the last I ever read," he said.

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Foster/Foster-Adopt

5 Tips For Winning at Fatherhood From a Gay Foster Dad

Taylor McGregor, a gay dad through the foster care system, provides 5 tips for other gay men considering becoming a dad through foster care.

Adopted himself, Taylor McGregor, who who recently featured in a family profile, always knew he wanted to become a dad through the foster care system. And since becoming dads, they've learned some insightful (and practical) advice they'd like to share with all future dads:

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Foster/Foster-Adopt

These Gay Dads Were the First to Foster-Adopt in the British Island, Jersey

And these "Jersey Boys" are already filing paperwork for their second!

Near the coast of Normandy, France, lies a tiny island, British in every way ­­– Jersey, one of the Channel Islands. A so-called Crown dependency, Jersey drives on the left, uses the British pound, and speaks the Queen's English. And it is home to husbands Jon and Tristan Stasiak-Gray and their 2-year-old son Harvey. How this little family of three came to be you will find out in the story below. Welcome to the Jersey Boys!

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Gay Dad Family Stories

This Gay Couple Opens Their Home to Kids at Risk of Aging Out of the Foster Care System

"I consider it my mission in life to adopt, and help others adopt" said Rich, who along with husband Ken adopted four teenage sons and now serves as the Associate Director for Family Focus Adoption Services.

"At first our decision was practical," said Rich Buley-Neumar about his decision to adopt older children. Neither he nor his husband Ken could afford to stay home with a baby, so they began investigating other options. "We came to the understanding that the age of the of the child didn't matter," said Rich, "it was their need for parents that mattered." So the dads set their sights on older children whose chances were running out and became fathers to four teenage boys.

With over 400,000 children in the United States foster care system, almost a third cannot be returned to their families and are waiting to be adopted. There are more males than females, and African American children are disproportionately represented.* Of the children waiting to be adopted on the AdoptUSKids website, 65% are between 13 and 19 years of age. Many will never be adopted and will age out of the system.

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Foster/Foster-Adopt

Adopted Himself, This Gay Man and His Husband Looked to the Foster Care System to Start Their Family

"I was adopted myself and had an amazing upbringing," shared Taylor, who became a gay dads along with husband Michael through the California Foster Care System. "I knew I wanted to do that for other children."

"It has changed drastically in the most inspiring and positive way," replied Taylor McGregor, when asked how life had changed since fatherhood. "We have learned to stop and take moments … we find ourselves spending more time as a family and less time on our phones and iPads!" Since 2016, Taylor and his husband, Michael Crocker have been proud dads to Jack through the California foster care system. Here's how they became a forever family.

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Gay Dad Life

This Gay Couple, After Learning an Acquaintance Was Searching for Adoptive Parents for Her Baby, Became First-Time Dads Within Weeks

Tim and Clayton were preparing to become certified as foster parents when they learned, out of the blue, that an acquaintance was pregnant and planning to put her baby up for adoption. Two weeks later, they were dads.

Tim Burri saw Clayton Dobson across the room, in a bar, 6 years ago, and asked him to play a round of pool. Tim says he knows "how cliché that sounds," but it worked. The two Kentucky locals married in June this year, and have their hands full with their beautiful adopted daughter, Kennedy, who turns 1 year old this year on September 12.

While many gay dads-to-be choose their path to fatherhood, adoption picked Tim and Clayton. They had just begun looking into the foster-adopt process when they found out an acquaintance was pregnant and was meeting with a lawyer to put her baby up for adoption. "We went out on a limb," said Tim. "Clayton asked if she would ever consider us to adopt, and she agreed. Within two weeks we had a beautiful newborn baby girl!"

Clayton with baby Kennedy

The besotted new dads named their baby girl Kennedy. "Our lives have changed forever!" shared Clayton.

The dads quickly went from a relatively carefree existence of just the two of them, to spending every minute they have loving and looking out for their little girl. "Before we just hopped in the car and spent an afternoon doing whatever," explained Tim. "Now, we hover over the diaper bag and verbally list off the litany of items we surely over pack to make sure we have planned for every situation, which, in truth, we know there could always be something."

Clayton (left) and Tim (right) with Kennedy

The dads have shared photos with Kennedy's birth mom when she's requested them, usually on special occasions, but unfortunately they have not heard from her in several months. They plan to keep sharing photos when the birth mom requests, and they also want to keep an open and an age appropriate dialogue with Kennedy about where she came from. "We plan on being open and honest about how much we wanted her and her mom loved us and her so much that she wanted us to have her," said Clayton.

After 7 years together, the dads were married on June 16th this year on a beautiful goat farm. Yes, you read that right. "We had a causal cocktail hour in the open air barn, boarded a hay ride to a venue on the property in the woods creekside," explained Clayton. The dads arranged for fishing poles and bait for the kids who attended to be down by the creek so they could fish and have fun after the ceremony. After the ceremony, they all boarded a hayride again for a trip back to the barn where they had a catered dinner, goat-side! "Yes, there were goats in attendance for the kids," said Tim, quickly adding, "Yeah right, more so for me to play with!" Besides the goats, the real guest of honor was Kennedy who got to watch her dads declare their eternal love for one another.

Although there wasn't much waiting time for the fathers after they began their journey to become dads, there was ample waiting time for it become official. The original date for Kennedy's adoption to be finalized had been set for December 2017, but in reality, it took almost a year. Tim believes that much of the hold up can be attributed to their Governor who had "reorganized" the Cabinet, and since then, things took a lot longer to be processed. "We had a fairly new judge with a new staff," explained Tim, "they were struggling with scheduling non-docket items; our attorney had to appear during motion hour to get them to schedule the adoption hearing date."

But finally, on July 9th, 2017, it became official: Clayton, Tim and Kennedy are a forever family of three.

For Kennedy's first birthday they plan on having a unicorn themed birthday party and invite everyone who has been a part of their journey. The dads also plan to have Kennedy's birth date tattooed on the insider of their upper arms.

"We have learned a lot about ourselves as dads," summarized Tim. "I was convinced I had no instincts at all and was going to mess up so badly that her head would inevitably fall off because I held her wrong. How things change and how natural instincts hop into overdrive. I've learned that dang, ya know what? We actually are good at this, we can do this, and we are going to LOVE it."

Change the World

Federal Judge Rules Against Adoption Agency's Attempt to Discriminate Against LGBTQ Parents

Many challenges to LGBTQ adoption continue to exist, however, including a Federal amendment that would grant tax-funded adoption agencies the right to discriminate nationally.

This week brought us some much-needed good news in the fight to protect LGBTQ adoption rights: U.S. District Judge Petrese B. Tucker ruled that Catholic Services Society (CSS) violated the city of Philadelphia's Fair Practice Ordinance due to the organization's refusal to work with prospective parents' based on no other reason than their sexual orientation.

The decision is the result of a suit brought by CSS against Philadelphia. Last May, the city announced it was suspending foster care placements with two agencies, CSS and Bethany Christian Services, given their refusal to place children with LGBTQ prospective parents. While Bethany Christian Services ultimately agreed to stop discriminating against same-sex parents, CSS sued the city instead, and lost.

Judge Tucker found that no "substantial burden" existed on on CSS's religious exercise in providing foster care to children, writing that, "In essence, if CSS provides its services consistent with the minimal requirements of the all-comers provisions of the Fair Practices Ordinance, then CSS may continue to provide foster care to children.

Elsewhere around the country, however, the news on LGBTQ adoption rights has been much less encouraging. Over the course of the year, news hasn't been great for the LGBTQ community's adoption rights. Over the course of the year, a slew of anti-LGBTQ adoption measures have been cropping up in state legislatures all across the country. At the federal level this month, Republicans passed an amendment to an appropriations bill that if enacted will allow tax-funded adoption agencies to discriminate against LGBTQ adoptive parents on the grounds of religious freedom.

Get Involved!

Want to take action? Look up your federal representatives here and demand they reject the inclusion of the anti-LGBTQ amendment in the appropriations bill passed by Republicans earlier this week.

Have you experienced discrimination as a potential gay adoptive or foster parent? We want to hear about it. Contact us at dads@gayswithkids.com and tell us about your experience.

And stay tuned to Gays With Kids as we continue to monitor and report on developments in anti-discrimination protections for adoptive LGBTQ parents, on both the state and federal level.

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