Surrogacy for Gay Men

Surrogacy Glossary: Terms Every Gay Dad Needs to Know

Researching surrogacy but feel like it’s all Ancient Greek to you? You’re not alone! The surrogacy process is filled with jargon, so we’ve started this surrogacy glossary of commonly used terms every gay dad should know as he embarks on the surrogacy journey.

Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments!

Surrogacy Glossary

Altruistic Surrogacy: A type of surrogacy during which the surrogate volunteers to carry a child for intended parents, and receives no compensation. Also known as Compassionate Surrogacy.

Anonymous Egg Donor: A situation where intended parents, and/or any resulting child born through a surrogacy process, are unaware of the identity of an egg donor.

Artificial (or Assisted) Insemination: The medical procedure during which sperm from the intended biological father is inserted into a woman’s cervix, fallopian tubes, or uterus. Also known as Intrauterine Insemination (IUI).

Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART): Umbrella term for technologies used to achieve pregnancy in procedures such as Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Surrogacy.

Carrier: A woman who carries a child for separate intended parents. A (gestational) carrier is also sometimes referred to as a Surrogate.

Carrier Contract: See Surrogacy Contract.

Contract: Also known as a Surrogacy Contract or Carrier Contract, this is a legal agreement contract between the intended parents and a surrogate, which will be created through terms negotiated by lawyers. It’s important to research the surrogacy laws in your state to make sure that contracts are always legal or enforceable in a court of law.

Compassionate Surrogacy: A type of surrogacy during which the surrogate volunteers to carry a child for intended parents, and receives no compensation. Also known as Altruistic Surrogacy.

Commercial Surrogacy: See Compensated Surrogacy.

Compensated Surrogacy: Also sometimes known as Commercial Surrogacy, this is a type of surrogacy during which a surrogate is compensated for carrying a child for intended parents. Typically, the terms of a compensated surrogacy are negotiated in a contract. Compensated surrogacy is not legal or enforceable everywhere, so it’s important to research the laws in your state prior to entering into a contract.

Cryopreservation: A process that allows fertilized eggs to be frozen (cryopreserved) for use in later embryo transfers.

Egg Donor: A woman who donates a number of her eggs to intended parents for use in an IVF procedure.

Egg Retrieval: A medical procedure during which eggs are removed from the egg donor for fertilization.

Embryo: The resulting organism after a female egg is fertilized by male sperm. See also Fetus.

Embryo Transfer: The process of transferring a fertilized embryo into a surrogate’s uterus.

Fertilization: The process by which sperm from an intended father fertilizes an egg to produce an embryo.

Fertility Clinic: A medical clinic where medical procedures associated with the surrogacy process are performed.

Fetus: An unborn child, from the eighth week to birth; before the eighth week the term Embryo is used.

Frozen Embryo: A process that allows fertilized eggs to be frozen (cryopreserved) for use in later embryo transfers.

Gestational Carrier: A woman who carries a child for separate intended parents. A (gestational) carrier is also sometimes referred to as a Surrogate.

Gestational Surrogacy: In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate carries an embryo created with eggs that are not her own but from a donor, for intended parents. Therefore, she is not genetically related to the baby. This is contrasted with Traditional Surrogacy, in which the carrier also serves as the egg donor, and thus is the biological mother of the resulting child.

Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI): is an assisted reproductive technology used to enhance the fertilization phase of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) by injecting a single sperm into a mature egg.

Intended Parent(s): a single person or couple who will become the legal parent of a child born through surrogacy.

Intrauterine Insemination (IUI): See Artificial (or Assisted) Insemination.

In Vitro Fertilization: More commonly known by its acronym IVF, this is a medical process during which eggs are fertilized by sperm outside of the womb.

IUI or Intrauterine Insemination: See Artificial (or Assisted) Insemination.

IVF: See In Vitro Fertilization.

Known Egg Donor: A situation where intended parents, and potentially any resulting child born through a surrogacy process, are aware of the identity of an egg donor.

Matching: The process intended parents undergo to find a surrogate and/or egg donor.

Multiples: A term that refers to the heightened potential in an IVF procedure of conceiving two or more children when more than one embryo is transferred.

Multifetal Pregnancy Reduction or (MFPR): Also known as Selective Reduction, it is the practice of reducing the number of fetuses in a multifetal pregnancy, say quadruplets, to a twin or singleton pregnancy. Selective reduction is done for both medical and non-medical reasons.

Pre-Birth Order: A court order, obtained prior to the birth of a child, that will place all parental rights and responsibilities with the intended parents, rather than the surrogate. This order typically allows intended parents to place both names on the birth certificate after birth.

Post-Birth Order: A court order, obtained after the birth of a child, that will place all parental rights and responsibilities with the intended parents, rather than the surrogate. Typically, this order will remove the surrogate’s name from the birth certificate and replace it with the name(s) of the intended parents.

Selective reduction: Also known as Multifetal Pregnancy Reduction or (MFPR), it is the practice of reducing the number of fetuses in a multifetal pregnancy, say quadruplets, to a twin or singleton pregnancy. Selective reduction is done for both medical and non-medical reasons.

Surrogacy Contract: Also known as a Carrier Contract, this is a legal agreement contract between the intended parents and a surrogate, which will be created through terms negotiated by lawyers. It’s important to research the surrogacy laws in your state to make sure that contracts are always legal or enforceable in a court of law.

Surrogate: A woman who carries a child for separate intended parents. A surrogate is also sometimes referred to as a (Gestational) Carrier.

Traditional Surrogacy: In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate is both the egg donor and carrier of a child for intended intended parents. Therefore, she will be the biological mother of the resulting child. This is contrasted with Gestational Surrogacy, in which the carrier does not serve as the egg donor, and thus will not be the biological mother of the resulting child.

If you're considering adoption, read ourAdoption Glossary: Terms Every Adoptive Gay Dad Needs to Know.”

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'Broadway Husbands' Bret and Stephen Learn Some New Surrogacy Lingo In Their Latest Vlog

Enjoy our fourth video in our series that follows Broadway husbands Stephen and Bret on their path to parenthood via surrogacy

In our next vlog with "Broadway Husbands" Stephen and Bret, the dads-to-be talk about the process of choosing an egg donor and creating embryos.

After learning they'd have to wait for their donor to "cycle twice" before beginning, the guys offered a word of wisdom to future gay men who are interested in surrogacy:

"Just so you know they call it 'bleeds,'" Bret said.

"Yeah they said they're waiting for her 'second bleed,'" Stephen added.

"So if they tell you that, don't be shocked," Bret cautioned. "I guess that's just a phrase that they use medically?"

Bret, a New York actor, and Stephen, a Broadway dancer, make up the dynamic duo behind @BroadwayHusbands. Gays With Kids is extremely excited to have front row seats, as this theater duo vlog about the highs, lows, complications and revelations of their surrogacy journey.

Watch this latest installment of their journey and follow along as we learn about their hopes and their worries, gain insight on their mindset about starting a family, and the factors that helped them choose surrogacy and, ultimately, their fertility clinic, Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut (RMACT).

Watch the video:

In this video you'll hear Bret and Stephen discuss:

The process of choosing their egg donor (0:15)

Filling out the egg donor questionnaire (0:29)

Exploring RMACT's egg donor profile database (0:47)

Bret and Stephen discuss the egg donor they selected and what they learned and loved about her (1:00)

The next steps for their egg donor; she has to cycle twice before they can do an egg retrieval (2:10)

Overall thoughts and excitement on the egg donor process (2:45)

Surrogacy for Gay Men

Surrogacy 101 for Gay Men: Learn the Basics With Dr. Ringler

Next up on the Daddy Squared podcast! Yan and Alex talk with a reproductive endocrinologist to get an overview of IVF and surrogacy options for gay men

We turned to Dr. Guy Ringler, Reproductive Endocrinologist at California Fertility Partners to get an updated overview of the IVF and surrogacy options for gay men from a medical point of view. Are you too old to have kids? How to find the right egg donor? Is IVF becoming less expensive? These and other questions are answered in this episode of Daddy Square.

"The cost [of IVF and surrogacy] is actually going up," Dr. Ringler states during the Daddy2 interview. "It's going up because everything gets more expensive, our Petri dishes are more expensive, the technology gets more expensive actually. And there's such a demand for surrogates that the amount that the agencies have to pay the surrogates goes up. So it's gradually increasing. It's not inexpensive, it's something you have to plan for."

"I tell my patients it's somewhere between the cost of a really nice car and a small house in the Midwest."


Dr. Ringler's 5 Steps to Start Your Family

1. Freeze sperm in Los Angeles
Provide a semen sample for freezing and blood for infectious disease and genetic carrier screening.

2. Select Your Egg Donor
Find your ideal donor from a diverse group of candidates.

3. Create Embryos For Freezing
Embryos are cultured to the blastocyst stage and frozen. They can genetically screened prior to freezing if desired.

4. Select Your Surrogate
Choose and meet (in person or via Skype) the surrogate mother that you would like to carry your child.

5. Embryo Transfer
Transfer your embryo(s) into the surrogate. Ten days later is the pregnancy test and the beginning of your surrogacy journey.

Terms you should be familiar with:

IVF - Stands for In Vitro Fertilization. An assisted reproductive technique that is used to treat infertility due to multiple etiologies including tubal disease, male factor, endometriosis and unexpected causes.

PGS Test - Preimplantation Genetic Screening. Testing the embryos to determine if they are genetically normal.

Egg Freezing - a revolutionary technique that provides fertility options to delay pregnancy.

Egg Donation - One of the most important factors effecting the pregnancy rate with IVF is the egg quality which is directly related to the age of the egg provider. IVF using eggs from a young and healthy egg donor provides embryos of optimal quality and pregnancy potential.

About Dr. Guy Ringler

Dr. Ringler graduated with honors from the University of Michigan before attending the Wayne State University School of Medicine. He trained in Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Chicago and completed a fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at the University of Pennsylvania. In clinical practice in Los Angeles for over 25 years, he has developed an international reputation for excellence in all aspects of reproductive care, especially third-party reproduction utilizing egg donation and surrogacy. He was one of the world's first physicians to use assisted reproductive technologies to help gay men having children.

Dr. Ringler was awarded a Family Building award from the American Fertility Association for his work, and has been named a Super Doctor by Los Angeles Magazine. He has lectured around the world to help educate members of the LGBT community about family-building treatment options. He continues to work and live in Los Angeles with his husband, architect Mark Rios.

Episode Credits:

Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen
Guest: Dr. Guy Ringler, Reproductive Endocrinologist at California Fertility Partners
Music: Hercules & Love Affair, "Leonora" buy here
Articles referred to in this episode:
Where to Start If You're A Gay Couple Wanting to Have Kids (Yan Dekel, Daddy Square blog)
Get Ready for Embryos From Two Men or Two Women (Dr. Guy Ringler, Time)
Men Having Babies:
The 14th Annual NY Men having Babies Surrogacy Seminar & Gay Parenting Expo is coming up November 10-11, 2018
Unsung Heroes: Surrogate Mothers to Same-Sex Couples (Dr. Guy Ringler, The Advocate)
A Strip Mall Gay Bar in Detroit Helped Me Come Out (Dr. Guy Ringler, The Advocate)








Surrogacy for Gay Men

Gay Dad Tom Daley Working on BBC Documentary About Surrogacy

Tom Daley will be bringing a documentary to the BBC that focuses on surrogacy in the U.K., the U.S. and elsewhere in Europe.

Tom Daley announced recently that he has teamed up with the BBC to bring a documentary about his experiences with surrogacy to the small screen. The Olympic diver, along with husband Dustin Lance Black, welcomed a baby boy to their family via surrogacy this past summer.

Daley hopes to use the opportunity to provide an in-depth look into a typical surrogacy journey, from the medical requirements to the legal and financial aspects that such arrangements require.

The documentary will largely focus on the use of surrogacy in the U.K., according to Deadline, where the practice is legal but highly regulated. But Daley will also travel to California, where rules are much more permissive, and to countries where the practice is still illegal.

The documentary is set to debut in 2019. We'll be sure to tune in, and keep you posted!

World Adoption Day, taking place this year on Friday, November 9, is always an exciting opportunity to celebrate gay, bi, trans dads who created their families through adoption. But as our friends and supporters at Dove Men+Care like to remind us, this is also a great opportunity to consider the impact a national paid paternity policy could have on all our families, especially adoptive and LGBTQ ones. Driving the conversation beyond our Father's Day partnership, Dove Men+Care continues to be committed to championing paternity leave for dads everywhere, spotlighting the importance of taking as much time as you can during those early moments with your new child.

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Pumpkin spiced lattes ain't got nothing on this favorite fall outing: the annual trip to the pumpkin patch! While pumpkins are nice and all, let's be real: we're into this autumnal outing for the photo op. ;) Thanks to these dads who shared their pics with us! Share your own to dads@gayswithkids.com and we'll add them to this post!

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