Become a Gay Dad

Surrogacy Glossary: Terms Every Gay Dad Needs to Know

Researching surrogacy but feel like it's all Ancient Greek to you? You're not alone! The surrogacy process is filled with jargon, so we've started this surrogacy glossary of commonly used terms every gay dad should know as he embarks on the surrogacy journey.

Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments!

Surrogacy Glossary

Altruistic Surrogacy: A type of surrogacy during which the surrogate volunteers to carry a child for intended parents, and receives no compensation. Also known as Compassionate Surrogacy.

Anonymous Egg Donor: A situation where intended parents, and/or any resulting child born through a surrogacy process, are unaware of the identity of an egg donor.

Artificial (or Assisted) Insemination: The medical procedure during which sperm from the intended biological father is inserted into a woman's cervix, fallopian tubes, or uterus. Also known as Intrauterine Insemination (IUI).

Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART): Umbrella term for technologies used to achieve pregnancy in procedures such as Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Surrogacy.

Carrier: A woman who carries a child for separate intended parents. A (gestational) carrier is also sometimes referred to as a Surrogate.

Carrier Contract: See Surrogacy Contract.

Contract: Also known as a Surrogacy Contract or Carrier Contract, this is a legal agreement contract between the intended parents and a surrogate, which will be created through terms negotiated by lawyers. It's important to research the surrogacy laws in your state to make sure that contracts are always legal or enforceable in a court of law.

Compassionate Surrogacy: A type of surrogacy during which the surrogate volunteers to carry a child for intended parents, and receives no compensation. Also known as Altruistic Surrogacy.

Commercial Surrogacy: See Compensated Surrogacy.

Compensated Surrogacy: Also sometimes known as Commercial Surrogacy, this is a type of surrogacy during which a surrogate is compensated for carrying a child for intended parents. Typically, the terms of a compensated surrogacy are negotiated in a contract. Compensated surrogacy is not legal or enforceable everywhere, so it's important to research the laws in your state prior to entering into a contract.

Cryopreservation: A process that allows fertilized eggs to be frozen (cryopreserved) for use in later embryo transfers.

Egg Donor: A woman who donates a number of her eggs to intended parents for use in an IVF procedure.

Egg Retrieval: A medical procedure during which eggs are removed from the egg donor for fertilization.

Embryo: The resulting organism after a female egg is fertilized by male sperm. See also Fetus.

Embryo Transfer: The process of transferring a fertilized embryo into a surrogate's uterus.

Fertilization: The process by which sperm from an intended father fertilizes an egg to produce an embryo.

Fertility Clinic: A medical clinic where medical procedures associated with the surrogacy process are performed.

Fetus: An unborn child, from the eighth week to birth; before the eighth week the term Embryo is used.

Frozen Embryo: A process that allows fertilized eggs to be frozen (cryopreserved) for use in later embryo transfers.

Gestational Carrier: A woman who carries a child for separate intended parents. A (gestational) carrier is also sometimes referred to as a Surrogate.

Gestational Surrogacy: In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate carries an embryo created with eggs that are not her own but from a donor, for intended parents. Therefore, she is not genetically related to the baby. This is contrasted with Traditional Surrogacy, in which the carrier also serves as the egg donor, and thus is the biological mother of the resulting child.

Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI): is an assisted reproductive technology used to enhance the fertilization phase of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) by injecting a single sperm into a mature egg.

Intended Parent(s): a single person or couple who will become the legal parent of a child born through surrogacy.

Intrauterine Insemination (IUI): See Artificial (or Assisted) Insemination.

In Vitro Fertilization: More commonly known by its acronym IVF, this is a medical process during which eggs are fertilized by sperm outside of the womb.

IUI or Intrauterine Insemination: See Artificial (or Assisted) Insemination.

IVF: See In Vitro Fertilization.

Known Egg Donor: A situation where intended parents, and potentially any resulting child born through a surrogacy process, are aware of the identity of an egg donor.

Matching: The process intended parents undergo to find a surrogate and/or egg donor.

Multiples: A term that refers to the heightened potential in an IVF procedure of conceiving two or more children when more than one embryo is transferred.

Multifetal Pregnancy Reduction or (MFPR): Also known as Selective Reduction, it is the practice of reducing the number of fetuses in a multifetal pregnancy, say quadruplets, to a twin or singleton pregnancy. Selective reduction is done for both medical and non-medical reasons.

Pre-Birth Order: A court order, obtained prior to the birth of a child, that will place all parental rights and responsibilities with the intended parents, rather than the surrogate. This order typically allows intended parents to place both names on the birth certificate after birth.

Post-Birth Order: A court order, obtained after the birth of a child, that will place all parental rights and responsibilities with the intended parents, rather than the surrogate. Typically, this order will remove the surrogate's name from the birth certificate and replace it with the name(s) of the intended parents.

Selective reduction: Also known as Multifetal Pregnancy Reduction or (MFPR), it is the practice of reducing the number of fetuses in a multifetal pregnancy, say quadruplets, to a twin or singleton pregnancy. Selective reduction is done for both medical and non-medical reasons.

Surrogacy Contract: Also known as a Carrier Contract, this is a legal agreement contract between the intended parents and a surrogate, which will be created through terms negotiated by lawyers. It's important to research the surrogacy laws in your state to make sure that contracts are always legal or enforceable in a court of law.

Surrogate: A woman who carries a child for separate intended parents. A surrogate is also sometimes referred to as a (Gestational) Carrier.

Traditional Surrogacy: In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate is both the egg donor and carrier of a child for intended intended parents. Therefore, she will be the biological mother of the resulting child. This is contrasted with Gestational Surrogacy, in which the carrier does not serve as the egg donor, and thus will not be the biological mother of the resulting child.

If you're considering adoption, read ourAdoption Glossary: Terms Every Adoptive Gay Dad Needs to Know."

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Surrogacy for Gay Men

Gay Surrogacy in the U.S. for International Dads

Kristin Marsoli of Circle Surrogacy breaks down the process of surrogacy for gay men outside of the United States

Written by Circle Surrogacy & Egg Donation, who has been helping international gay men become dads for over two decades.

Becoming a gay dad through a surrogacy agency in the U.S. – when you live outside of the United States – can feel overwhelming. You may have questions such as: Why should I come all the way to the US for surrogacy? What do I need to know as an international intended parent? How do I get my baby home?

We spoke with Circle Surrogacy & Egg Donation who has been working with international gay parents for over two decades. Circle Surrogacy was founded by a gay dad and lawyer, and is the most successful surrogacy agency with a full legal team on staff who are experts working with international parents.

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Become a Gay Dad

Jewish Agency to Help Cover the Costs of Surrogacy for Gay Couples

Isaac Herzog, of the Jewish Agency's Chairman of the Executive, has made it a priority to support employees family-planning journeys, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

According to an article in the Jerusalem Post, the Jewish Agency for Israel is about to become first state organization to provide financial assistance to gay employees seeking child surrogacy services overseas. The move is intended to help offset the high costs associated with conducting surrogacy abroad.

The move to do so was led by Isaac Herzog, the Jewish Agency's Chairman of the Executive, who has made it a priority to support employees family-planning journeys, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. The decision will apply to the agency's roughly 1,250 employees. The loans can be used to help cover the costs of necessary medical procedures before surrogacy, and for the process of surrogacy itself, the article notes.

Last year, in a controversial move, the Israeli government expanded the ability of single women to access surrogacy services in the country, but excluded single men and gay couples from the policy.

Herzog said the following in announcing the new initiative:

"We are also making a symbolic statement, because it reflects the egalitarian stance of a large organization that is recognizing the right of every man or woman to actualize their wish to be parents and to raise a family, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. The Jewish Agency is one big family, and all its members are equal."

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Why Date Night Is So Important

When you're a parent, time alone with your significant other isn't a luxury — it's a necessity.

Even before the morning sunlight — and my eyelids — have lifted, I'm reminded that I'm somebody's father. It's usually around 5:40am when my 8-year old son Maxwell pokes his head into our room shouting "cock-a-doodle-doo" at the top of his lungs. He's usually wearing an adorably comfy onesie, a look he thankfully refuses to retire. His rooster call is followed up with strict demands in quick succession:

"Warm milk!"

"Turn on the lights."

"Where's your phone?"

"Put on Nick Jr."

"Feed me yogurt while I play Fortnite!" (Note: we don't… well… anymore.)

This Groundhog Day routine follows us as we pick out his clothes for the day —"Comfy camouflage t-shirt and sweat pants!" he insists (shoot me now). We then make him breakfast, prepare his packed lunch and then make sure his completed homework is in his schoolbag.

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Indiana Court Says Couples Using Sperm Donors​ Can Both Be Listed on Birth Certificate — But Ruling Excludes Male Couples

The 7th US Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in favor of the plaintiffs in the case, a major victory for LGBTQ parents — but the Attorney General may appeal to the Supreme Court.

On Friday, a US Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a ruling from a lower court that said that both parents in a same-sex relationship are entitled to be listed on the birth certificate — previously, the state of Indiana had required the non-biological parent within a same-sex relationship using assisted reproductive technologies to adopt their child after the birth in order to get her or his name listed on the birth certificate, a lengthy and expensive process not required of straight couples in the same situation.

It's a double standard LGBTQ parents have long been subjected to in many states across the country. So this represent a major win. As reported by CNN, this ruling "takes a lot of weight off" the shoulders of LGBTQ parents, said Karen Celestino-Horseman, a lawyer representing one of the couples in the case. "They've been living as families and wondering if this was going to tear them apart."

The 7th US Circuit Court of Appeals deliberated the case, according to CNN, for more than two and a half years, which is one of the longest in the court's history.

However, because all the plaintiffs in the case involved female same-sex couples using sperm donors, the ruling left open the similar question of parenting rights with respect to male couples. Indiana's Attorney General, moreover, may also appeal the case to the Supreme Court.

We'll be following the case closely and be sure to keep you up to date. For more on this recent decision, read CNN's article here.

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So, what effect does this have on our children? Does it unintentionally cause us to be more jaded with our interactions involving others? For some the answer may be a resounding "no." But as we look deeper into the situation, we often find that through survival our interactions with others have changed and we may not even realize exactly how much we are projecting on those around us.

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For years fear prevented me from embracing my truth and accepting a large part of who I am. I know I am not alone in that regard. But for so long my fear convinced me that I was. Fear is what kept me from ever telling my parents or anyone growing up that I am gay. Fear mingled with strong religious teachings, embraced at a young age, which led me to believe that I could cure myself of my attractions to the same gender. And fear is a part of what kept me in my marriage to a woman for over ten years.

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This episode is dedicated to all the parents out there that are going through or have gone through similar situations.

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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