Surrogacy for Gay Men

Most Common Question From Gay Men About Surrogacy

We asked our Instagram community some of their top questions about surrogacy — Kristin Marsoli from Circle Surrogacy answers some of the most common!

We turned to our Instagram community to see what burning question gay men had about surrogacy — how much does it cost? how does the process work? How long does it take? We turned to Kristin Marsoli of Circle Surrogacy for the answers! Have some other questions you'd like our experts to answer? Email us at dads@gayswithkids.com!

How will working with an agency make my surrogacy journey easier?

Surrogacy can be a complex process with many moving parts. Working with an agency makes your journey easier because you're working with a team of professionals who are experts in surrogacy. An agency will partner with you to coordinate your journey, guide you through the process, and ensure you are ready for each milestone. This includes helping you find a surrogate, writing contracts, legal expertise and preparation for delivery day.

Read more.

Will both dads' names be on the birth certificate?

Short answer is: yes!

Intended Parents can be matched with gestational carriers who reside in states where they can obtain both names on the birth certificate with:

  • Pre-Birth or Post-birth declarations of parentage for both dads
  • Post-birth second or step-parent adoption process for non-biological dad

Intended parents can also return to their home state to complete second or step parent adoption for the non-biological dad. Intended Parents' marital status, state of residence, country of residence, citizenship needs will all impact this.

How can I be sure that I'm working with an LGBTQ friendly agency?

There are a few things to look for when considering a surrogacy agency:

  1. Do they have experience helping LGBTQ+ intended parents?
  2. Do they have the legal expertise regarding same sex parents and parentage?
  3. Are they affiliated with any LGBTQ+ organizations?

Circle Surrogacy was founded by a gay dad through surrogacy, who was also a lawyer. From its inception almost 25 years ago, Circle has been making parenthood possible – safely and securely – for LGBTQ+ families around the world.

Read more.

How much does it cost?

Surrogacy costs vary by journey. Average surrogacy costs (not including IVF clinic costs):

  • Surrogacy only: $119,000
  • Surrogacy + egg donation $145,000

At Circle Surrogacy, our costs are all inclusive (except for IVF clinic costs). Our costs include: agency fees, legal fees, surrogate & egg donor compensation and coordination, unlimited surrogate and donor rematching, travel costs and insurance. When comparing agency costs, be sure to find out exactly what their costs cover so there are no surprises along the way!

Read more.

Is surrogacy difficult for Dutch citizens?

No! There is a formula in terms of legal work, birth certificate, legal process in the Netherlands that has worked for some time. Wilma Eusman is an excellent attorney in Amsterdam that can assist with the process and is a great starting point for intended parents gathering information. Circle has worked with many intended parents successfully in the Netherlands!

How long does the surrogacy process take?

Very busy day of young business person

Great question! The average length of the surrogacy process at Circle ranges from 16-21 months, from sign on to holding your baby for the first time. Of course, there are journeys that take less time, and some that take longer. Where you live and your matching criteria can affect the length of your journey.

What are your thoughts on traditional surrogacy? Do you have much experience with it?

At Circle, we only do gestational surrogacy - where the gestational carrier is implanted with an embryo created with the intended parents biology (or with an egg donor). In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate is not genetically related to the baby. We do not do traditional surrogacy.

Is the process harder when someone wants to be a single parent?

The surrogacy process is the same process for all intended parents. Single intended parents should be prepared to have a strong support system to assist them during their journey, as well as after the baby arrives. Being a single intended parents may slightly impact your match time, but other than that, the process is the same. Some of Circle's first intended parents from over 20 years ago were single gay dads!

Where can I find an AFFORDABLE surrogacy option?

Surrogacy costs vary for each individual journey. However, here are considerations on how you can reduce the costs of your surrogacy journey:

  • Research organizations that offer grants and discounts, such as the Men Having Babies GPAP program.
  • See if your own company benefits packages reveals IVF, surrogacy and other benefits you may not know you had.
  • Find surrogacy programs that help control costs. At Circle, we offer an unlimited package of rematching with surrogates and donors, as well as a fixed fee program that, while looking more expensive, will completely control your costs.

What percentage are actually successful the first time?

The IVF process has improved greatly over the last 5 years; today, a single embryo transfer success rate is usually over 70%. NOTE: it's common for intended parents to experience more than one transfer. Industry guidelines advise IPs to measure success with up to 3 transfers.

-->At Circle, 95.5% of IPs who signed on since 2015 and completed a journey with us with at least 1 transfer had a baby! And 99.4% of IPs who did at least 3 transfers had a baby!

(Fertility clinics are usually able to answer questions about their success rates with donor eggs and surrogacy.)

What do most couples look for when choosing an agency?

Friendly company executive interviewing candidate for vacancy

Choosing the right agency for you is an important first step! Consider this when choosing a surrogacy agency:

  • Agency experience
  • Legal expertise
  • Personality fit
  • Views on surrogate relationship
  • Costs of services
  • Full service vs non full service

Your agency will play a critical role in the success of your surrogacy journey. Finding a reputable agency that you feel comfortable working with is key!

Read more.

Is there financing available for surrogacy costs for gay men?

Yes! Circle currently works with Prosper lending that offers different loans for all U.S. intended parents. The Men Having Babies Organization (MHB) also has programs that we take part in that offer discounted services (and sometimes free services) through their GPAP program.

Read more.

Show Comments ()
Popular

"We're Dads, the Greatest Thing We've Ever Been": Congrats to Gay Men Whose Families Recently Grew!

Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

Gay men go through a lot of ups and downs on the path to parenthood. It can be one of the most emotionally draining times in our lives. But as each of these families who are celebrating births and adoptions this month agree: it's worth every hardship.

Congrats to the dads whose families grew this month!

Keep reading... Show less
News

United Nations Calls on Cambodia to End Criminalization of Surrogates

Cambodia's 2016 law criminalizes surrogacy — and requires women who work as surrogate to raise the children they conceived for intended parents as their own.

Last Friday, the United Nations Committee on Elimination of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) reiterated its support to end the harassment and criminalization of surrogates in Cambodia, according to Voice of America.

The report issued by CEDAW recognized growing international criticism of the unregulated practice of surrogacy around the world, which often leads to the exploitation of women who work as surrogates. However, since surrogacy became illegal in Cambodia, over 60 women working as surrogates — the very people put in danger of exploitation — have been arrested and subjected to criminal proceedings. The women were only released according to VOA, under the condition of raising the surrogate children until they are 18.

"The Committee is particularly concerned that such an obligation creates an additional financial and emotional burden on women who are in precarious situations, which led them to act as surrogates in the first place," the report reads, "and that they face discrimination and stigma from their families and communities for having acted as surrogates."

CEDAW called on the Cambodian government to repeal the October 2016 law — particularly the requirement of raising the children they conceived for other intended parents as their own. This punishment is particularly onerous given that many of these women entered surrogacy arrangement against their will, said Chak Sopheap, Executive Director of the Cambodian Center for Human Rights, speaking to VOA.

"Surrogate women in Cambodia are likely to be at the sharp end of various economic and political hardships that caused them to make the decision to become a surrogate," she told VOA in an email. "We have seen, over the past year, women surrogates raided, charged with human trafficking, and detained, with no transparency from the authorities as to their wellbeing or that of the children they have given birth to."

Read more about this story here.

Gay Dad Family Stories

One Single Gay Dad's Trailblazing Path to Parenthood Via Surrogacy

20 years ago, Gene became the first single gay man to work with Circle Surrogacy in order to become a dad — trailblazing a path for many others since.

This article is part of our family feature series with Circle Surrogacy, a surrogacy agency that has been helping LGBTQ+ singles and couples realize their dream of parenthood for the past 20 years.

"I think I was pretty naïve, I guess," chuckled Gene, one of the first single gay dads to work with Circle Surrogacy over 19 years ago. "I just had made a decision and went out and did it, and wasn't really thinking about how difficult it might be or what other people thought, being first at doing something."

So how did Gene hear about surrogacy as an option for single gay men? Well, it began with Gene flipping through a bar magazine. He recalls seeing an ad about a woman providing a service to connect gay men with lesbians in platonic co-parenting relationships. While he started down that path, working with the founder, Jennifer, he remembers thinking, "What if I meet someone? What if I want to move? It would create all these complications."

Keep reading... Show less
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

A Gay Dad Speaks Out Against Trump's Attempts to Discriminate Against LGBTQ Adoptive Parents

Any business that accepts federal funding must NOT DISCRIMINATE says adoptive dad Erik Alexander.

Four years ago we received the phone call that changed our lives forever. We were told that in our own city of New Orleans, there was a newborn baby that needed a forever home. What we were told by the agency would likely take five or more years took mere weeks. We frantically started putting together her nursery and planning for her arrival. She was born 10 weeks early and needed to stay in the NICU to grow and gain her strength and weight before she was released. She was so tiny and delicate. We were almost afraid to hold her in the beginning because of how fragile she was.

Finally, the day arrived that we were able to bring her home and we were thrust into overdrive. We prepared by reading all the baby books and watching the videos, but all that goes out the window when you have a baby in your arms. Our little baby had trouble digesting her formula due to her prematurity. The look in her eyes due to the pain she felt broke our hearts. We felt helpless! All we could do was just try to make sure to do everything on our end to help alleviate any pain she may encounter while feeding her. It was terrible. We would hold her for hours trying to console our hurting baby girl. I remember thinking to myself while she was crying that I would do anything to make her feel better.

Keep reading... Show less
Expert Advice

Your Foster Questions Answered by a Foster Expert and Foster-Adopt Dad

We asked our Instagram community to send us their questions about becoming a foster dad — and Amara's Foster Care Services Supervisor Trey Rabun responded.

Dad Trey Rabun (read his story here) recently shared his experience as a foster Expert and a foster dad with our Instagram community via a question and answer session.

Read Trey's responses below.

Keep reading... Show less
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

Raising Grounded Kids in Crazy Manhattan

When it comes to raising kids in Manhattan, Dr. Evan Goldstein lives by this lesson — less is more.

There are several lessons that we all learn as we continue to age on this wacky place called earth. But I learned one of life's most important nuggets my first year of medical school, and it has never left me. I remember this one night in particular—it was late, and I had been studying when I realized I forgot an important book in the stacks of the library. Thankfully, a janitor opened the locked door and allowed me to retrieve my belongings. I remember it took him a while to open the locked section that I needed to enter, as he had so many dangling keys on his keychain. He responded to me gazing at the lock by saying, "Son, I may only be a janitor without any education beyond high school, but I have seen medical student after student enter this school for the past 25 years. Can I give you some advice?" "Of course," I said. "Do you see all these keys on this keychain?" he said. "Every single one holds a new responsibility. Less keys, less responsibility. Less is more! Remember that my friend." And with that, he was gone.

Keep reading... Show less
Change the World

11 Family Stories That Show the Depth of the Adoption Experience for Gay Men

November is National Adoption Awareness Month! To celebrate, we've curated some adoption stories that show the true depth and breath of the adoption experience for gay men.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month! And few people are more aware of the importance of lifting up and celebrating adoption in this country than the LGBTQ community. According to the Williams Institute, 21% of same-sex couples are raising adopted children compared to just 3% of different-sex couples. Despite the fact that we are a crucial part of the support system for children needing loving homes, we are currently facing an administration that is trying to make it legal for foster care and adoption agencies to discriminate against us on the basis of religion.

To help celebrate National Adoption Awareness Month, and demonstrate that religious beliefs should in never trump the ability for a loving LGBTQ family to welcome children into their home, we've rounded up several family stories that show the true depth and breath of the adoption experience — men who never planned to become dads, and woke up one day to find themselves responsible for little ones. Men who always wanted to become dads, and suffered through years of failed placements before finally making their dreams come true. Single men, who realized they were strong enough to adopt on their own. And men who adopted older children through the foster care system.

These are just a few of the inspiring stories of gay, bi and trans adoptive dads — we are literally sitting on a treasure trove of them. And, no doubt, there are countless more headed your way in the months to come.

Keep reading... Show less

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse