Personal Essays by Gay Dads

Why I Pursued Surrogacy as a Single Gay Man

Joseph writes about the events in his life that led him to choose surrogacy as his path to parenthood as a single gay man.

I don't even know where to begin. When people say lost for words, I never truly understood it until Friday, April 19, 2018. Email notification, "Test results. Positive. Congrats." Four words that completely changed my life forever.


Last year, 37-year-old me started thinking about my lifelong dream of having a child. I thought, how am I going to do this? How is a gay man going to have a child? At the time I had a partner and when the talk came about having a child a clear separation in our paths became very evident. Our relationship lasted for 6 months after that, but as my internal-self told me, it inevitably came to an end. I researched different paths to fatherhood. I looked into adoption, but as a single gay man, it didn't look like an easy route. So I started looking into surrogacy.

Surrogacy in the United States costs an average of $120,000 and I didn't have that kind of money, so I looked into other places where a single man can undergo this process. I found a clinic in India that had opened a branch in Kenya, and that's where I decided to begin my journey. It has not been easy, especially being on my own. Not having someone to emotionally support you is hard. I went through four unsuccessful embryo transfers, and let me tell you every time the pregnancy tests came back negative, it was like a piece of me died inside. After the fourth unsuccessful transfer, I started questioning whether God actually wanted me to become a dad. But finally on that Friday in April, it all changed. Needless to say, 20 days later with the first ultrasound, I nearly had a heart attack finding out I was having twins. I thought how the hell is a single man going to raise twins!!!

People think I'm crazy going through this journey on my own. But if a single mother can raise a child, work, cook and clean and take care of everything on her own, then why can't I? And who knows maybe along the way I'll meet someone that will want the same thing as me. I know that it's not going to be easy. I know that I will make mistakes. I know there will be times when I'll ask myself what the hell was I thinking! But I also know that I will be the best dad that I can be, and no matter what I will protect and love these girls more than I can even begin to express. I will watch them grow, laugh, fall, make mistakes, and I will be there, every step of the way.

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Gay Dad Life

Huge Congrats to New Dad, Andy Cohen!

Late Monday night, Emmy-winning reality TV producer and host, Andy Cohen, welcomed a son via surrogacy.

Late Monday night, Emmy-winning reality TV producer and host, Andy Cohen, welcomed a son via surrogacy.

"WOW! This is my son, Benjamin Allen Cohen. He is 9 lbs 2 ounces !! 20 inches !! Born at 6:35 pm, PT
He is named after my grandfather Ben Allen. I'm in love. And speechless. And eternally grateful to an incredible surrogate. And I'm a dad. Wow. ♥️🌈
"

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Change the World

Governor Cuomo Proposes Ending Ban on Surrogacy in New York

New York is currently just one out of four states to completely ban the practice of compensated surrogacy

New York's Governor, Andrew Cuomo, recently proposed a law that would permit compensated surrogacy for the first time in New York state. As the New York Post reports, a ban on the practice has been in place since 1992.

"New York's antiquated laws frankly are discriminatory against all couples struggling with fertility, same sex or otherwise," the Governor told The Post in a statement. "This measure rights this wrong and creates a new and long-overdue path for them to start families and also provide important legal protections for the parents-to-be and the women who decide to become surrogates."

This move is the latest in a slew of progressive policies backed by Governor Cuomo since Democrats in the state took control of the Legislature after the 2018 elections.

The law would bring New York in line with most states in the country. Currently, the state is one of only four (including Arizona, Michigan and Nebraska) that ban all compensated surrogacy contracts outright.Andrew Cuomo

New York State Senator Brad Hoylman, who is himself a gay dad through surrogacy, has introduced several bills over the years to legalize the practice.

"For the first time," the Senator said, "I'm seeing movement."

Read the whole article here.

Gay Dad Life

Cheyenne Jackson Says He's Loving that "Married With Kids" Life on Larry King

The 'American Horror Story' star sat down with Larry King to talk about his success, his siblings, and family life.

During an interview with Larry King, the "American Horror Story" actor Cheyenne Jackson spoke about what it's like being a married man with twins. "It is the best," he said.

He also mentioned that he and his husband, Jason Landau, have slightly different parenting approaches. "We definitely take different roles, naturally," he said. "I am a little bit more of a worrier. I'm a little bit more of, I guess, the mom, in terms of I'm very, very emotional and very tactile – the kids are just always on me. But I'm also more of a disciplinarian than Jason. He plays really crazy and wild with them and I'm always worried about them banging their heads against the wall. I like a really super tight schedule, and he's like, 'Let's just go with it, they're fine.'"

"A typical marriage," said King, who then asked if he and Landau had hoped to have twins.

"Yeah, well they encourage you to put two in just in the hopes that one will be a successful pregnancy. And both did."

See the whole clip here:


'American Horror Story' Star Cheyenne Jackson Talks Overcoming Addiction & Becoming a Father www.youtube.com

Change the World

Breaking with Older Generations,  Most LGBTQ Millenials Say They Want Kids

According to new research by the Family Equality Council, the number of LGBTQ parents is expected to rise dramatically in the coming years

According to the LGBTQ Family Building Survey, recently released by the Family Equality Council, the majority of young LGBTQ say they are interested in becoming parent. This marks a dramatic shift when compared with the attitudes of older generations.

Among the survey's findings:

  • 63% of LGBTQ Millennials (aged 18-35) are considering expanding their families, either becoming parents for the first time, or by having more children
  • 48% of LGBTQ Millennials are actively planning to grow their families, compared to 55% of non-LGBTQ Millennials, a gap that has narrowed significantly in comparison to older generations
  • 63% of LGBTQ people planning families expect to use assisted reproductive technology, foster care, or adoption to become parents, a significant shift away from older generations of LGBTQ parents for whom the majority of children were conceived through intercourse.

Despite the expected increase in LGBTQ parents, most providers, they note, "do not typically receive training about the unique needs of the LGBTQ community; forms and computer systems are not developed with LGBTQ families in mind; insurance policies are rarely created to meet the needs of LGBTQ family building; and discrimination against LGBTQ prospective parents by agencies and providers remains widespread."

The Family Equality Council goes on to recommend that family building providers "from reproductive endocrinologists and obstetricians to neonatal social workers, family law practitioners, and child welfare workers" begin preparing now to welcome future LGBTQ parents.

Read the full report here.

Change the World

Gay Dads More 'Equitable' in Parenting Roles Than Straight Dads, Says New Study

Unmoored by gender roles, gay dads take equal parts in being "playmates, caregivers, protectors, role models, morality guides,

A new study conducted by Éric Feugé from the Université du Québec à Montréal observed 46 families, made up of 92 gay dads and their 46 children over a period of seven years.

The study, which Feugé says is the first of its kind, analyzed the roles gay dads take in raising their kids and found the way they parent is 'very equitable'.

'We learned that gay fathers' sharing of tasks is very equitable,' the researcher told the Montreal Gazette, who added there was a "high degree of engagement" by both gay dads in all types of parental roles. "What's really interesting is that they don't conform to roles of conventional fathers. They were able to redefine and propose new models of cultural notions of paternity and masculinity."

Unmoored by gender roles, gay dads take equal parts in being "playmates, caregivers, protectors, role models, morality guides,' the author said.

Read the full review of the research here.

Change the World

Don't F*ck With This F*g

After a homophobic encounter on the subway, BJ questions what the right response is, in an era of increasing vocal rightwing activists

On February 1, 2019, Frank and I went out on a date night, something we haven't done in a while. Our son was sleeping over at his grandparents for the night and we made plans with our friends to meet them for dinner downtown. We decided to save some money and take the subway into town instead of taking a taxi.

We boarded the subway and sat down opposite a couple, a man and woman. I noticed they looked at us as we boarded the train and began whispering to each other. Frank and I were talking to each other when I heard the man uttering under his breath, "F*$%ing faggots."

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Gay Dad Life

14 Gay Dad Families Show Their Love This Valentine's Day

These pics of gay dads smooching will warm the hearts of even the biggest V-Day skeptics

You might quietly (or loudly) oppose the commercialism and celebration of Valentine's Day, but let's just take a moment and rejoice in these beautiful signs of affection, shared between 14 awesome two-dad families. Cynicism gone? Good.

Happy Valentine's Day, dads! We hope you have a lovely day with your kids, your significant other, and / or friends. Because who doesn't love love!?!

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