Why I Pursued Surrogacy as a Single Gay Man
Joseph writes about the events in his life that led him to choose surrogacy as his path to parenthood as a single gay man.
I don't even know where to begin. When people say lost for words, I never truly understood it until Friday, April 19, 2018. Email notification, "Test results. Positive. Congrats." Four words that completely changed my life forever.
Last year, 37-year-old me started thinking about my lifelong dream of having a child. I thought, how am I going to do this? How is a gay man going to have a child? At the time I had a partner and when the talk came about having a child a clear separation in our paths became very evident. Our relationship lasted for 6 months after that, but as my internal-self told me, it inevitably came to an end. I researched different paths to fatherhood. I looked into adoption, but as a single gay man, it didn't look like an easy route. So I started looking into surrogacy.
Surrogacy in the United States costs an average of $120,000 and I didn't have that kind of money, so I looked into other places where a single man can undergo this process. I found a clinic in India that had opened a branch in Kenya, and that's where I decided to begin my journey. It has not been easy, especially being on my own. Not having someone to emotionally support you is hard. I went through four unsuccessful embryo transfers, and let me tell you every time the pregnancy tests came back negative, it was like a piece of me died inside. After the fourth unsuccessful transfer, I started questioning whether God actually wanted me to become a dad. But finally on that Friday in April, it all changed. Needless to say, 20 days later with the first ultrasound, I nearly had a heart attack finding out I was having twins. I thought how the hell is a single man going to raise twins!!!
People think I'm crazy going through this journey on my own. But if a single mother can raise a child, work, cook and clean and take care of everything on her own, then why can't I? And who knows maybe along the way I'll meet someone that will want the same thing as me. I know that it's not going to be easy. I know that I will make mistakes. I know there will be times when I'll ask myself what the hell was I thinking! But I also know that I will be the best dad that I can be, and no matter what I will protect and love these girls more than I can even begin to express. I will watch them grow, laugh, fall, make mistakes, and I will be there, every step of the way.