A Single Gay Dad Finds Family in the Foster Care System
After many setbacks in his quest to become a dad, Andrew Gubany finally formed his family through the foster care system
Andrew Gubany lives in La Habra, California with his daughter and son, Dianna and Owen. He works as the National Sales Director for a Logistics Company by day, and is a spin instructor by night. We caught up with Andrew to see how life as a single gay dad via the foster care system is treating him.
Tell us about your path to parenthood.
I became a dad through foster-adopt. I had always known I wanted my adoption to mean something specific. I chose the path of foster care because I wanted to help children. If my "help" ended up leading to the adoption of a child, than I knew it was destiny.
What obstacles did you face on your path to fatherhood?
Wow, where do I begin. I was 33 and single when I started my first adoption. My vision of what I thought it would be like to be a father was very different. I wasn't prepared for the judgement towards gay parents. You're instantly labeled. Well, being a "single gay father" was a hard label for me. I just wanted to be "dad." My children were the only kids in their entire school with a gay parent. I worried my children would not be looked at the same as the other kids. By first grade, my daughter was made fun of for not having a mother. I wasn't prepared for that---it prompted conversations I thought were far in the future. I got through it by explaining the love and purpose of adoption. Every dream I've ever had, every path I've ever chosen, has been for my children. They were no accidents. It was God's plan that they be my children. Their mother's love sent her into my arms. It has become a beautiful story in our family.
Was there ever a moment that you experienced any serious doubts about your path to fatherhood or fatherhood itself?
Two months into the adoption of my first child my partner of five years decided he wasn't ready to be a father and left our family. I was devastated, lost and scared. I didn't want to do this on my own. The future seemed dark and lonely. With the level of depression I was at, I debated giving her back to social services for placement. However, I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself and that this child needed me as badly as I needed her. We would survive this together. And we did. She was adopted one year after placement.
What have you learned about being a dad?
You just can't give up. You will want too. You will want to find an easy route. Love, however, takes time. And now I get to share my story with others. Everything I went through adopting as a single father has helped others. It's made my story mean something. The struggle wasn't for nothing---I made it. I'm a daddy, and always will be. I know I'll have more struggles in the future, and I still have fears of social injustices. But I teach my kids that no one can ever take away love.
What's your main goal as a parent?
I think your goals as a father change daily. We are always changing and looking for new opportunities to grow and take care of your family. My outlook has remained the same. To love and cherish every moment I have with my children and give them everything I and this world has to offer.
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