Gay Dad Life

Sh*t My Kids Say-Part II

If you missed Bill's first trip down memory lane, check it out here.

It's been three years since my last compilation of memorable moments and quotes. Here's another round that range from 2010 up to last month. The cast of characters are my husband J.R. and our daughters Mary (currently 11) and Nora (currently 8).


  • Pre-K Teacher to Mary (then age 4): "What does your daddy (J.R.) do for work?" Mary, "He works at home in the bathroom". Teacher (perplexed), "What does he do in there?" Mary, "He does man things." (Note: He does work from home but not in the bathroom. And it's up to interpretation whether or not software project management counts as a man thing).
  • Mary to J.R. while playing in the bathtub: "Daddy can you come in here dressed up as a girl or something?"
  • As we're about to begin a round of Candy Land, Nora tells me, "I'm sorry if I beat you again." (Note: she did, again)
  • During a doctor's visit a nurse gives Mary a large spoon and asks her to cover one eye. She points to the eye chart and asks Mary to tell her what she sees. Mary: "A spoon,"
  • Picking up bits of Nora's chit chat as she plays nearby with her Iron Man and Barbie dolls: "Blah, blah, blah. Lesbian kiss. Aaaand lesbian kiss. Blah, blah, blah" (has Iron Man and Barbie kissing). She turns to me: "What does lesbian mean?"
  • I knocked over a glass of wine, spilling it and breaking the glass: J.R. to me: "Was that one of the Ikea glasses?" Me: "Yes" Nora: "How can it be from Ikea? How do you put together a wine glass?"
  • Watched a news clip of a teenage girl beating up a boy. Me: "Whoa! What happened there?" Mary: "Maybe the boy broke up with her." (Note: Warn her future boyfriends to be careful)
  • While Skyping with J.R.'s mom several years ago she said she was the girls' grandmother. Nora replied "No you're not. You're a computer!"
  • Nora: "One time at the YMCA I found a spider and put it outside on a leaf. And daddy (J.R.) didn't even scream."
  • Listening to Tracy Chapman in the car: Mary, "Is this the man who sings (names a song I don't know)?" Me, "No, this is a woman." Mary, "What? Really? Is she a drag queen?"
  • Mary and Nora had some kind of tense incident in their bedroom. A few moments later Mary comes out and as she walks by says in a calm but sarcasm-dripping tone: "I'm still mad at the two of you for having another child."
  • We're on our way to a friend's house. Mary: "Who else is going to be here?" Me: "Just us." Mary: "Oh. Ok; was just wondering if there would be a bunch of other gay dudes or something."
  • In response to the Christmas song 'Baby it's Cold Outside', in which the man doesn't stop pestering the woman to stay: Mary, "She should just punch him in the face and leave." (Note: you go girl!)
  • Nora: "A booby trap does not trap men."
  • J.R. to me: "Want to watch 'This is Us?'" Me: "Yes." Mary: "Are you guys going to cry again?" (Note: We did)
  • Dinner topic of discussion is about loving different things about different people. Mary to J.R.: "I love you for your singing." Mary to me: "And I love you, uh...(short pause)...for not singing." (I don't fault her for that one.)
  • While prepping for a Halloween party last month: Mary: "This is weird." J.R.: "What is?" Mary: "I'm undoing my father's corset."
  • Nora: "Daddy?" Me: "Yes Nora?" Nora: "Other Daddy." JR: "Yes Nora?"
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