Change the World

Which Companies Made the "Nice" List This Year for LGBTQ Family Leave Policies?

Apple and Home Depot made the "Nice" list. McDonalds and Walgreens, though, have been naughty.

PL+US, an organization dedicated to bringing about high-quality paid family leave for everyone in the United States, recently released its 2018 report card of companies in the United States. And it looks like quite a few new organizations have been particularly good this year,

As the report notes: "the private sector has reached a tipping point on paid family leave. In 2018 alone, 20 companies introduced new paid leave policies. A whopping 72% of surveyed companies provide paid leave equally to moms, dads, and adoptive parents and more than half are equal for all employees, whether salaried, hourly, or part-time."

Just two years ago, when PL+US first conducted an analysis of the country's largest employers, most companies refused to disclose details on their family leave policies. Those that did often excluded benefits for LGBTQ people, adoptive parents, and low-wage workers.

In just two short years, PL+US has worked with advocates and workers all across the country to help change the policies of 30 of the country's top employers.

Employers with the most high-quality leave policies include: Apple, Verizon, the Home Depot and H&M. The naughty list includes employers such as McDonalds, Albertsons and Walgreens.

Check out the full report card here.

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Change the World

"Dadvocates" Gather in D.C. to Demand Paid Family Leave for ALL Parents

"Dadvocate" and new gay dad Rudy Segovia joined others in D.C. recently to educate lawmakers on the need for paid family leave for ALL parents

On Tuesday October 22, Dove Men+Care and PL+US (Paid Leave for the United States) led the Dads' Day of Action on Capitol Hill. A group of over 40 dads and "dadvocates" from across the states lobbied key member of Congress on the issue of paid paternity leave for *ALL* dads. They shared stories of their struggles to take time off when welcoming new family members and the challenges dads face with no paid paternity leave.

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Personal Essays by Gay Dads

This Love Story Starts in Provincetown and Ends in Parenthood

Joe Burke explains how his beautiful family of three came to be via a surrogacy journey

Guest post written by new dad, Joe Burke

In typical gay, New England fashion, Peter Stanieich and I met down in Provincetown the day after July Fourth. While there was an undeniable spark between the two of us, it's probably safe to assume that neither one of us expected things to progress the way it did so quickly. Both living in Boston at the time, we ended up regrouping in the city a few days after meeting in Provincetown for a couple drinks. We had so much fun that we spent almost every day and/or night together for the following two weeks.

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Eight years ago, Biff and Trystan's fatherhood journey began when they received a somewhat unexpected call. Biff's sister was no longer able to take care of her two kids, and they wanted to know if Biff and Trystan could look after them. Overnight, the one-time uncles quickly transitioned into the role of dads to Biff's niece and nephew. Six years later, they expanded their family when they welcomed their son Leo, carried by trans dad Trystan.

Trystan and Biff had two different paternity leave situations when they grew their family, and those experiences shaped how they feel about paid paternity leave today.

"I had no parental leave that I could take when we became parents overnight," said Trystan. "I basically ended up depleting basically every single day I had ever accrued... just to take care of them." Biff, for his part, was given no time off, except for a half day here and there for court days.

When it came to Leo, the son Trystan carried, Trystan was initially given six weeks off. "It was really paltry," Trystan said. "I sat down with the board and said ... the parental leave policy you have is not in line with the values of this organization." The board fortunately listened, and doubled Trystan's parental leave to three months to give him time to care for and bond with Leo.

"Parental leave is really important, because when you have a new baby or when you adopt kids, especially when you adopt kids, there's an adjustment period," Biff said, which goes beyond just the need for the gestational parent to recover, physically.

"Those first few months are building a foundation for the rest of your life as a family," Trystan added. "If we want dads to be equally involved in raising kids, contributing to a household, being part of family, we have to give them the opportunity to do that in the very beginning.

If you believe *ALL* dads should receive paid paternity leave, sign the Paternity Leave Pledge.

Watch their story:

Sign the pledge: www.dovemencare.com/pledge

Personal Essays by Gay Dads

How This Dad 'Redesigned' the Holidays After Coming Out of the Closet

Rick Clemons describes how he made the holidays work for him and his family again after coming out of the closet

What I'm about to describe to you, is something I am deeply ashamed of in hindsight. I was a jerk, still in a state of shock and confusion, and "in love" with a handsome Brit I'd only spent less than 24 hours with.

I was standing in the Ontario, California airport watching my wife walk with my two daughters to a different gate than mine. They were headed to my parents in the Napa Valley for Thanksgiving. I was headed to spend my Thanksgiving with the Brit in San Francisco. It was less than one month after I had come out of the closet and I was so caught up in my own freedom and new life that I didn't realize until everything went kaput with the Brit on New Year's Eve, that if I was ever going to manage the holidays with dignity and respect for me, my kids, and their Mom, I was going to have to kick myself in the pants and stop acting like a kid in the candy store when it came to men. Ok, nothing wrong with acting that way since I never got to date guys in high school and college because I was raised to believe – gay no way, was the way. But that's another article all together.

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What to Buy

Shop with a Purpose with Our 2019 Holiday Gift Guide

Want to find amazing gift ideas while *also* supporting LGBTQ-owned and allied businesses? Look no further than our 2019 holiday gift guide!

'Tis the season to show loved ones you care. And what better way to show you care, by also supported our LGBTQ+ community and allies whilst doing it! Shop (LGBTQ+) smart with these great suggestions below.

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Diary of a Newly Out Gay Dad

A Newly Out Gay Dad Feels 'Demoted' After Divorce

Cameron Call showed up to his first family Thanksgiving since coming out and getting a divorce — and struggles to find himself "stuck with the singles."

Cameron Call, who came out in summer 2019, has generously agreed to chronicle his coming out journey for Gays With Kids over the next several months — the highs, lows and everything in between. Read his first article here.

Denial is an interesting thing. It's easy to think you're potentially above it, avoiding it, assume it doesn't apply to you because you'd NEVER do that, or maybe you're just simply avoiding it altogether. After finally coming out, I liked to think that I was done denying anything from now on. But unfortunately that's not the case.

And this fact became very clear to me over Thanksgiving.

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Resources

New Report Details the 'Price of Parenthood' for LGBTQ People

A new report by the Family Equality Council takes a deep dive into the current state of cost for becoming a parent as an LGBTQ person

Parenthood is expensive. But parenthood while queer is still prohibitively costly for so many segments of the LGBTQ community interested in pursuing a family, according to a new repot by the Family Equality Council, titled, "Building LGBTQ+ Families: The Price of Parenthood."

Among the more interesting findings was this one: the cost of family planning is relatively similar for all LGBTQ people, regardless of income level. This shows "that the desire to have children exists regardless of financial security," the report's authors conclude.

Research for the report was conducted through an online survey of 500 LGBTQ adults over the age of 18, and was conducted between July 11-18, 2018. For comparison, the survey also included 1,004 adults who did not identify as LGBTQ.

Other interesting findings of the report include:

  • 29% of all LGBTQ+ respondents reported an annual household income under $25,000 compared to 22% of non-LGBTQ+ respondents.
  • 33% of black LGBTQ+ respondents, 32% of female-identified LGBTQ+ respondents, and 31% of trans/gender non-conforming LGBTQ+ respondents reported annual household incomes below $25,000.
  • Respondents for this survey were selected from among those who have volunteered to participate in online surveys and polls. All sample surveys and polls may be subject to multiple sources of error, including, but not limited to sampling error, coverage error, error associated with nonresponse, and error associated with question-wording and response options.29% of all LGBTQ+ respondents reported an annual household income under $25,000 compared to 22% of non-LGBTQ+ respondents.
  • 33% of black LGBTQ+ respondents, 32% of female-identified LGBTQ+ respondents, and 31% of trans/gender non-conforming LGBTQ+ respondents reported annual household incomes below $25,000.
  • Regardless of annual household income, 45-53% of LGBTQ+ millennials are planning to become parents for the first time or add another child to their family. Those making less than $25,000 a year are considering becoming parents at very similar rates as those making over $100,000.
  • Data from the Family Building Survey reveals that LGBTQ+ households making over $100,000 annually are considering the full range of paths to parenthood, from surrogacy and private adoption to foster care and IVF. The most popular options under consideration in this income bracket are private adoption (74% are considering), foster care (42%), and IVF or reciprocal IVF (21%). At the other end of the economic spectrum, for LGBTQ+ individuals in households making less than $25,000 annually, the most commonly considered paths to parenthood are intercourse (35% are considering), foster care (30%), and adoption (23%).

Fatherhood, the gay way

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