Gay Dad Life

Now Married with Children

I have to admit that I completely underestimated the whole thing.

Because we had already been together for 17 years, it was easy to think that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Even after breaking into a sweat at the city clerk’s office getting our marriage license, I still discounted it all.

When the day finally came, it hit me hard.

When I woke up the morning of our wedding day, I had a pit in my stomach. Not because I was getting second thoughts; after all this time and with two kids home from college there is no time for second thoughts. It was because of the magnitude of what was about to happen.

I’m getting married! To a man! Married!

Christopher and Jim on their wedding day

The entire day I just felt fuzzy. I can’t really explain it.

When I was young, I spent my entire life trying to follow societal norms. I did what I was told to do, whether it made me happy or not. As a young man you’re supposed to date women, find a girlfriend, after some time get engaged, then one year later get married, and then eventually have kids. Marriage was between a man and a woman, of course. No discussion.

That was the plan, and I stuck to it as hard as I could.

While that particular path ended in divorce for me, I did end up having two amazing children and I ultimately found my true self in the process. All of the details – trust me, all of the details – are in my book “Out and About Dad"!

I’ll never regret a single moment because I have two children as a result. But it was a long process and I just never imagined fitting into another societal norm ever again.

If anything, I have been out of the norm. I’ve spent years raising those two children as an anomaly.

Back in the day, I was virtually the only fully active dad around, and quite possibly the only gay one. When I met my partner and we began building a life together, we were virtually the only ones of our kind, and perhaps the only visible ones.

Christopher and Jim early in their relationship

We just got used to being odd men out. Something as legitimate and equal as marriage never crossed our minds. I thought it was just never in the cards again, after having been married to a woman.

Thankfully, times are changing.

As we walked through New York’s Central Park on a glorious August Sunday with our two adult children and our wedding officiate (a dear friend from when I used to work at Johnson & Johnson), I think we all got the magnitude of the situation.

In a way, I’m happy that we didn’t get married until my children were older. Because they got it too. They were our witnesses, after witnessing and being in our lives for so many years.

When we reached the ceremony destination, a glow took us over. We were reveling in the moment, moment to moment, from the two children handing us the rings, to “I do,” to a champagne toast, to a glorious dinner later on in the evening.

It was monumental, I don’t know how else to say it. I was in a complete trance.

When I changed my Facebook status to “married,” that’s when the texts, posts, and congratulations started pouring in. I’ve honestly never felt more loved in my life. Especially at this time in my life.

And the best part?

I get to call him “husband,” just like everyone else married to a man. No more “partner,” no more “lover,” no more “boyfriend.” No more labels to try to define our relationship.


It’s amazing how one little word can put you on equal footing and how one little word can mean so very much. Especially when you’re now married with children.

Alicia, Christopher, Jim and J.R.

Show Comments ()
Gay Dad Life

8 Ways for Dads to Find Work/Life Balance

Finding work/life balance is hard enough... but can be even harder for gay dads.

Having kids is an amazing part of life, and it should be fun. Life does tend to get in the way sometimes, and one huge aspect of that is work. Striking that balance between work and home life is tough. If you both work it's even harder.

And if you're a gay couple, it can have it's own set of problems above and beyond the standard work-life issues that people face. Recently, the Harvard Business Review conducted a study that focused specifically on the experiences of same-sex couples who wanted to make moves towards a work/life balance.

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Dad Life

'NolaPapa' Launches YouTube Channel: Story of a Gay Dad

Check out Erik Alexander's new YouTune Channel: Story of a Gay Dad

When we first found out that our second daughter was African American I froze. Not because of her race, but because I knew NOTHING about African American hair. So I frantically tried to learn as much as I could while she was a newborn so I was ready to style it when she was a little older.

I decided to launch our YouTube channel Nolapapa: Story of a Gay Dad to focus on this very topic! Episodes 1-5 will solely be dedicated to learning how to wash, care for and styling African American hair. Afterwards, the content will shift towards personal & family situations, adoption, gay parenting questions and other great content! I'd love your support and become part of our little village as we launch this new project!

Sending Nola love to each of ya!

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Dad Life

Encouraged by His Son, Single Dad Richard Started Dating Again — and Just Got Married!

After his 14 year relationship ended, Richard got a gentle push into the dating pool from an unexpected source — his son!

In 2014, Richard Rothman's relationship of 15 years ended, leaving him understandably reluctant to jump back into the world of dating as a single gay dad. But after spending one too many Friday nights at home, he got a gentle nudge from somebody unexpected —his teenaged son, Jonathan.

"Dad," Jonathan said. "Would you just get out of the house and go on a date already?" (You may remember wise-beyond-his-years Jonathan from this post that went viral of a tattoo he got commemorating his adoption day.)

On his son's encouragement, Richard started dipping a tentative toe back into the dating pool. In 2015, he met Kevin thanks to mutual friends that introduced them via social media. It took four months before Richard introduced Kevin to his son, who was a Sophomore in high school at the time.

On New Year's Eve in 2017, Kevin proposed while the couple was vacationing in Palm Springs. The city has an outdoor festival every year, he explained, which the couple attended. The band Plain White T's happened to be performing their hit "Hey There Delilah" as Kevin got down on one knee and proposed. "Now whenever I hear that song it brings back memories of that night," Richard said.

Richard and Kevin married on March 30, 2019 back at the scene of the crime — in Palm Springs, at the Frederick Loewe Estate. Jonathan was Richard's best man, and also walked him down the aisle (awwww.....). Kevin's brother Bobby served as his best man.

"As so many wonderful moments continue to happen for us in Palm Springs, we now own a home there in addition to our primary residence in Bentonville, Arkansas," said Richard.

Check out video from the couple's special day below!

And Jonathan is now an E4 Master-at-Arms in the US Navy.


Five Dads Who Spook the Competition Each Year With DIY Halloween Looks!

These dads are kings of DIY Halloween costumes — and the results spook (I mean speak) for themselves!

Not only do gay dads win at Halloween, we also create WINNING outfits and creations with our own hands! Check out these dads who've slayed Halloween every year with their ghoulishly imaginative skills!

Keep reading... Show less
Surrogacy for Gay Men

A Dream Becomes Reality, After a Men Having Babies Conference

New Yorkers David and Brian said their dreams of fatherhood crystalized only after receiving a "ton of information" at a Men Having Babies conference.

New Yorkers David F.M. Vaughn 39, and Brian Becker, 37, are new dads. Over the past three months, the two most important things they've learned as fathers is "patience, and how to swaddle LIKE A CHAMP!" David and Brian chose surrogacy as their path to fatherhood, but making that decision was one of the more difficult parts of their journey. Brian's siblings are adopted, and while they still want to make adoption part of their family journey, certain opportunities arose that made their surrogacy decision easier. Brian's sister enthusiastically offered to be their gestational surrogate, and they discovered more about the process with the help of Men Having Babies (MHB).

But let's jump back to the beginning of their story.

Keep reading... Show less

Your Foster Adopt Questions Answered by a Foster Adopt Dad

We asked our Instagram community to send us their questions about being a foster dad — and an experienced foster dad responded.

Dad Joseph Bostick (read his story here) recently shared his experience as a foster and adoptive dad with our Instagram community via a question and answer session - did you feel nervous at the beginning? How did you start the process? Did you always know that you wanted to foster older kids?

Read Joseph's responses below.

Keep reading... Show less

Gay Surrogacy in the U.S. for International Dads

Kristin Marsoli of Circle Surrogacy breaks down the process of surrogacy for gay men outside of the United States

Written by Circle Surrogacy & Egg Donation, who has been helping international gay men become dads for over two decades.

Becoming a gay dad through a surrogacy agency in the U.S. – when you live outside of the United States – can feel overwhelming. You may have questions such as: Why should I come all the way to the US for surrogacy? What do I need to know as an international intended parent? How do I get my baby home?

We spoke with Circle Surrogacy & Egg Donation who has been working with international gay parents for over two decades. Circle Surrogacy was founded by a gay dad and lawyer, and is the most successful surrogacy agency with a full legal team on staff who are experts working with international parents.

Keep reading... Show less

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse