Gay Dad Family Stories

Nic and Ross: A Relationship Blessed by Singer Adele

At an Adele concert in Barcelona, the famous singer called Nic and Ross up on the stage. In front of thousands of screaming fans, Ross proposed to Nic.

Six years ago, on a Friday night in Cape Town, South Africa, at a casual dinner party, Ross Levin, then 36, met Nicholas Markovitz. Ross, a property developer – and a dead ringer for Liev Schreiber – had been married to a woman and was the father of two teenage kids. Nic was a 30-year-old marketing and promotions professional with more than a passing resemblance to Matt Bomer.

There was an immediate attraction between the two men. And a connection: They were both Jewish. They became an item almost instantly. And it was only three days after that dinner party that Nic told Ross, "I think I love you."


Adele, Ross and Nic

Ross reciprocated the feeling. A few years later, during an Adele concert in Barcelona, Adele called the men up on stage to serenade them. And on that stage, in front of thousands of wildly enthusiastic Adele fans, Ross proposed to Nic.

There were more surprises to come. They threw an engagement party back in South Africa on September 17, 2016, that morphed into their surprise wedding! (It was also the first South-African gay wedding officiated by a rabbi!) They posted a short and moving video of that day on their Facebook account.

Ross and Nic at their wedding

Nic who has been free of alcohol and drugs for 5 years realized that his former lifestyle was no longer making him happy. Both Nic and Ross agreed early on that they would love to have a family together. They settled on surrogacy as their preferred way of creating a family. They felt supported by South Africa's progressive Children's Act that stipulates that surrogacy requires a High Court order before embryo transfer rather than an adoption order after birth. A wonderful meeting with their future surrogate sealed the deal. Ross and Nic felt they were in a position to affect their surrogate's life positively as well.

The amount to paperwork required for their surrogacy – among which many medical tests and psychiatric evaluations – was overwhelming at times, but useful and appropriate. The men are convinced the world would be a better place if all intended parents had to jump through these hoops!

The new dads with baby Willow

They've had invaluable support from an unexpected source: Ross's ex-wife. Nic calls her "the most incredible woman"; she and her two kids, 14 and 15 now, were the first visitors to see Willow in the hospital!

Some concerns they had – How will Ross's kids react? – dissipated as soon as they talked about their plans with them. The kids were both very excited for them! Other nagging doubts – Are we mentally ready for a baby? Will we be good parents? How will our relationship change? – seemed to dissolve as soon as their baby Willow was born.

Willow with older sister, Jessica

They firmly believe, if you're ready for a lifelong commitment and really want to be a dad, Go for it! And if you choose surrogacy, you will need an amazing support team: a fertility clinic, an egg donor, a surrogate, lawyers, and family support.

Ross and Nic are hoping that in a few years, they can take time off from their exacting jobs to travel the world with their daughter.

The future for this young family is holding great promise.

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Gay Dad Life

Gong Hei Fat Choy! Happy Chinese New Year!

As we usher in the year of rat, we asked some of our dads how they honor this special time.

Today we're celebrating, alongside our families, the Chinese New Year! As we usher in the year of rat, we asked some of our dads how they honor this special time, what they do to celebrate, and how they're instilling these traditions in their kids. Here are some of their responses.

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Gay Dad Family Stories

This European Couple Became Dads Through a U.K.-Based Surrogacy Program

Janno, from Estonia, and Matthias, from Belgium, were accepted into the "Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy" Program.

Janno Talu, an accountant, and Matthias Nijs, an art gallery director, were born in different parts of Europe. Janno, 39, is from Estonia, and Matthias, 28, is from Belgium. Their paths crossed when the two moved to London, each from their different corners of the European Union.

Janno relocated to London earlier than Matthias, when he was 24, and his main reason for the move was his sexuality. "Although Estonia is considered one of the more progressive countries in Eastern Europe, when it comes to gay rights, it is still decades behind Western society in terms of tolerance," said Janno. "And things are not moving in the right direction." In 2016, same-sex civil union became legal, but the junior party in the current coalition government is seeking to repeal the same-sex partnership bill. "In addition," Janno continued, "they wish to include the definition of marriage as a union between a man and a woman in the country's constitution. Even today, there are people in Estonia who liken homosexuality to pedophilia, which is why I decided to start a new life in the UK, where I could finally be myself."

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Personal Essays by Gay Dads

A Gay Dad Asks: Is Destroying an Embryo Similar to Abortion?

It's a question many LGBTQ parents using advanced fertility treatments will need to face — what to do with "left over" embryos.

Let me start off by saying that I have always been pro choice and support all laws that allow people to have full reproductive rights including safe and legal abortions. This is a complicated subject and not one that I ever thought I would really have to deal with on a personal level, especially being a gay man.

I remember a very heated discussion on abortion in my biology class back in university. I was young, idealistic and had very strong convictions about abortion. I was debating with a female classmate who was pro life. She felt there was no reason for an abortion ever, not even if raped by your own parent or sibling. I could not really understand her position, then or now. Don't get me wrong, I still don't agree with her, but now that I'm older and wiser, and also a parent, I have come to respect and accept opinions other than mine.

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News

Indiana Court Says Couples Using Sperm Donors​ Can Both Be Listed on Birth Certificate — But Ruling Excludes Male Couples

The 7th US Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in favor of the plaintiffs in the case, a major victory for LGBTQ parents — but the Attorney General may appeal to the Supreme Court.

On Friday, a US Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a ruling from a lower court that said that both parents in a same-sex relationship are entitled to be listed on the birth certificate — previously, the state of Indiana had required the non-biological parent within a same-sex relationship using assisted reproductive technologies to adopt their child after the birth in order to get her or his name listed on the birth certificate, a lengthy and expensive process not required of straight couples in the same situation.

It's a double standard LGBTQ parents have long been subjected to in many states across the country. So this represent a major win. As reported by CNN, this ruling "takes a lot of weight off" the shoulders of LGBTQ parents, said Karen Celestino-Horseman, a lawyer representing one of the couples in the case. "They've been living as families and wondering if this was going to tear them apart."

The 7th US Circuit Court of Appeals deliberated the case, according to CNN, for more than two and a half years, which is one of the longest in the court's history.

However, because all the plaintiffs in the case involved female same-sex couples using sperm donors, the ruling left open the similar question of parenting rights with respect to male couples. Indiana's Attorney General, moreover, may also appeal the case to the Supreme Court.

We'll be following the case closely and be sure to keep you up to date. For more on this recent decision, read CNN's article here.

Personal Essays by Gay Dads

As a Gay Dad, What's the Impact of Letting My Son Perform Drag?

Michael Duncan was excited when his 10-year-old son asked if he could perform in drag for charity — but he also felt fear and anxiety.

As LGBT parents, we have all lived through some sort of trauma in our lives. For many it is the rejection of our family, being bullied, or abuse. We learn to be vigilant of our surroundings and often are very cautious of who we trust. As adults, we start to become watchful of how much we share and we look for "red flags" around every corner.

So, what effect does this have on our children? Does it unintentionally cause us to be more jaded with our interactions involving others? For some the answer may be a resounding "no." But as we look deeper into the situation, we often find that through survival our interactions with others have changed and we may not even realize exactly how much we are projecting on those around us.

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Diary of a Newly Out Gay Dad

A Gay Chiropractor Explains Why He Came Out to His Patients

After Cameron Call, a chiropractor, came out to his family this past year, he knew he had one more step to take — he had to come out to his patients

Fear is an interesting thing. It motivates when it shouldn't, shows at inconvenient times, and is the author of stories that do nothing but hold us back. I would argue though, too, that fear has some good qualities. I believe it helps us to feel. And I think it can be a great teacher as we learn to recognize and face it.

For years fear prevented me from embracing my truth and accepting a large part of who I am. I know I am not alone in that regard. But for so long my fear convinced me that I was. Fear is what kept me from ever telling my parents or anyone growing up that I am gay. Fear mingled with strong religious teachings, embraced at a young age, which led me to believe that I could cure myself of my attractions to the same gender. And fear is a part of what kept me in my marriage to a woman for over ten years.

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Personal Essays by Gay Dads

A Gay Dad Gains Clarity After a Health Scare

A recent health scare helped give Erik Alexander clarity.

Sometimes fear can cripple the mind and hinder ones judgement. Having children of my own, I have come to grips with accepting the things I cannot change and learned to take action when there is no other choice. When it comes to my own personal health, the future and well being of my family gives me all the clarity I need to make the right decision about any kind of health scare.

This episode is dedicated to all the parents out there that are going through or have gone through similar situations.

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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