Gay Dad Life

Milo: One Year Later

On June 27, our son Milo will be turning 1 year old. This has not only been a crazy, whirlwind year, but this has been the most incredible year of our lives.

Milo was born right in the middle of World Pride; a time of year that represents love, strength, courage, diversity and acceptance for so many. The picture of Milo’s birth went viral around the world, we did numerous news interviews, so much love and support was shown from family, friends and strangers.  There is no other way that Frank and I would have wanted to bring our little “Bubbaloo” into this world. He made quite the entrance!

Bringing home a brand-new baby is scary for anyone. We were anxious, nervous, scared, excited, but what do we do with a little baby especially if we have never done this before!  Our dad instincts quickly came into play, we asked many questions to our parents, friends and family and we found our groove. This post is about what we learned in our first year being dads. Hope you enjoy it!

With age comes wisdom

We hope... The older I get, the more I realize that it’s not about me anymore, but it’s about us. We are a family now, and all our decisions have to make sure Milo is included, and he can join in whatever we have planned.

It takes a village to raise a child

We are really fortunate that Frank’s family lives here in Toronto and that Milo can have sleepovers at Bubby and Zaida’s house so we can have date nights.  It is important to have time for us, and it gives Milo the opportunity to bond with his grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins.

Babies bring out the best in people

Since becoming a dad, I would like to say that Milo has brought my family closer together. My coming out was not an easy thing for my family to accept. Getting married was not easy on them either. Then announcing we were having a baby was not all cherries and ice cream either. Once Milo arrived, my parents, my sisters in Niagara, my extended family in the USA, overseas, friends and Frank’s family have been very supportive. Even though our little “Bubbaloo” has brought so much joy and happiness into everyone’s lives, I still have one sister here in Toronto that will not acknowledge Milo’s existence, or mine and Frank’s for that matter.  And that’s okay. Does it hurt? It absolutely does. Eventually I believe she will come around. How long will it take? I wish I had that answer. But she is my sister and I still love her.

Patience is a virtue?

I’d like to apologize to my parents for being a brat, being difficult and for giving them a hard time on anything. Even though I was a perfect child (unbeknownst to my sisters), I now understand the patience they have had to raise the four of us! Try telling an 11-month-old to sit still while trying to dress him or change his diaper! You need patience as a parent and a lot of it!

Time (does not) go by so slowly for those who wait

My mom would always say, “Wait until you get older, time goes by so quick!” I never understood what this meant because the time passes the same for everyone. But boy was she right! I cannot believe how fast time goes as we get older. You document every milestone with those of the child. Milo sat up at 6 weeks, Milo rolled over at 14 weeks, Milo got his first tooth at 6 months… It’s all about counting time. Little do we realize this time slips by us and before we know it he will be starting school, graduating, we will be retiring and become grandparents. Cherish the moments now.

I am free between naps

Gone are the days for lunching with friends or going out for a drink when you want. We are now on Milo’s schedule. We need to plan weeks in advance for play dates, schedule appointments during the time he is awake, sometimes only one of us can go out while the other one stays home to be with him. We are in and out of stores and there is no more taking our time. Would I change this? Absolutely not!

Stop and smell the hydrangeas (I absolutely loathe hydrangeas)

Having a child opens your eyes to the little things in life. Going out for walks, Milo would want to stop and look at the flowers along side the sidewalk. Things we don’t notice. He is obsessed with buses. A school bus or City bus drives by and it is like the world stops and he screams with excitement. We should stop and notice the little things, for these make up the big picture in life!

Blasé, laissez Faire, flazéda

What have you, don’t take life too serious. Try to be calm, relaxed and easygoing. We are this way with Milo and he seems to be thriving. We trust our instincts and things are all right. It is not worth stressing out about things. The universe works in mysterious ways and things always work out.

"All right Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up."

It’s important to take lots of pictures and video. Document those special moments, and look back on them and remember all the happy times! There are nights Frank and I watch videos of Milo when he was just days old. We remember how easy those days were (even though we thought they were the hardest!). Love every stage of your baby’s development. Each one is great, but the next stage seems to get even better.

Smile and be polite

A lot of people have a lot of opinions, and they are not afraid to share them. Just nod and say thank you. I know people are trying to be nice and help, but you feel you always know what is best for your child.

The Freshmen Fifteen

Ok, I have not gained 15 lbs but going to the gym on a regular basis is put on the backburner. It’s a good thing “The Dad Body Is The Body All Men Should Strive For” according to BuzzFeed this year. But it is important to find some “Me” time and take care of yourself. Another body change is my hair is turning grey! Apparently with age also comes grey hair! But I embrace and own it. We have to rock it for all it’s worth. Salt and pepper is sexy!

Big Brother (or Sister) is watching

One day we are feeding Milo lunch at a food court in a mall, a woman comes up to us and says we are an inspiration to her. We were taken aback by this, but she tells us her son is gay and one day hopes that he has what we have. We are just being ourselves. It brought us both to tears after she left that a) she had the courage to come up to us to tell us this, and b) that we inspire others just simply being who we are.

Love makes the world go round

I love seeing Frank play and take care of Milo. Having a child makes you grow stronger, become more loving, become unafraid of things, and it opens up your eyes in seeing the world like you never did before. Watching Frank nurture makes me fall in love with him more and more each day.

Becoming a father has been the best decision that Frank and I have ever made. It took me a while to come around and say, “Let’s do it!” but now I can’t imagine life without our little man. Whether you are straight, gay, bi, trans, married, or single and you are reading this and want to have kids, all I have to say is do it. You somehow find the way to make life work, and this hectic life is now your new normal. The amount of love that you have for child will blow your mind.


Show Comments ()
Gay Dad Life

Dads Tell Us Their 'Gayest Moment Ever' as Parents

We may be dads — but we're still gay, damnit! And these "gayest moments ever," sent to us from our Instagram community, prove it.

Did your child know all the lyrics to Madonna songs by age 3? Do your kids critique all the red carpet lewks from the Tony Awards? Do you often have baby food, diapers, sparkling white wine, gourmet appetizer, and fresh cut flowers in your shopping cart — all in one trip? If you answered 'yes' to any of the above, you just might be... a gay dad.

We asked the dads in our Instagram community to share their gayest moments as a dad, ever, and their responses were just as hilarious as they were relatable.

Here's a great way to start the week...

Keep reading...
Gay Dad Photo Essays

How Single Dads Are Celebrating Valentine's Day This Year

Valentine's Day is not just for lovers! We caught up with 8 single gay dads to see how they plan to celebrate Valentine's Day with this year.

Valentine's Day is not just for lovers; it's also a day to celebrate our loved ones. And that's exactly what these single dads are doing.

Within our community, GWK has a large group of admirable, active, and awesome (!) single dads and we want to honor them! On Valentine's Day, they and their kids celebrate their family unit in the sweetest possible ways. We asked the dads to share these moments with us, and, where possible, one of the most heartwarming things they've experienced with their kids on Valentine's Day to date.

Hear their stories below.

Keep reading...
Gay Dad Photo Essays

11 Gay Couples Share Secrets to Their Long-Term Relationships This Valentine's Day

This Valentine's Day, we spoke with 11 gay dad couples who've been together for almost a decade or longer to learn what's made their relationships last

You're the peanut butter to my jelly, the gin to my tonic, the strawberries to my cream, the Mr. to my Mr.!

Happy Valentine's Day folks! We're excited to celebrate this day of lurrrrvvve by featuring a few dads in our community who've been together for almost a decade or more! And they're ready to share their secrets to a successful relationship and parenting partnership.

Keep reading...

Supreme Court to Hear Major Case Concerning LGBTQ Foster Care Parents

The Supreme Court agreed to decide whether cities are allowed to exclude tax-funded adoption agencies from foster care systems if they refuse to work with gay couples.

In 2018, city officials in Philadelphia decided to exclude Catholic Social Services, which refuses to work with LGBTQ couples, from participating in its foster-care system. The agency sued, claiming religious discrimination, but the United States Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit unanimously ruled against the agency, citing the need to comply with nondiscrimination policies.

The case, Fulton v. City of Philadelphia, follows a 2018 Supreme Court decision regarding a Colorado baker who refused to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple. In that case, the court narrowly ruled that the baker bad been discriminated against, on religious grounds, by the state's civil rights commission. It did not decide the broader issue: whether an entity can be exempt from local non-discrimination ordinances on the basis of religious freedom.

The court — whose ideological center has shifted to the right since the addition of Justice Brett Kavanaugh in fall 2018 — may choose to do so now. Advocates quickly called on the court to consider the potential impact on the more than 400,000 children currently in the foster care system:

"We already have a severe shortage of foster families willing and able to open their hearts and homes to these children," said Leslie Cooper, deputy director of the ACLU LGBT & HIV Project. "Allowing foster care agencies to exclude qualified families based on religious requirements that have nothing to do with the ability to care for a child such as their sexual orientation or faith would make it even worse. We can't afford to have loving families turned away or deterred by the risk of discrimination."

"It is unconscionable to turn away prospective foster and adoptive families because they are LGBTQ, religious minorities, or for any other reason unrelated to their capacity to love and care for children," said HRC President Alphonso David. "We reject the suggestion that taxpayer-funded child welfare services should be allowed to put discrimination over a child's best interest. This case could also have implications for religious refusals that go far beyond child welfare. The Supreme Court must make it clear that freedom of religion does not include using taxpayer funds to further marginalize vulnerable communities."

The court may choose to override a 1990 decision, Employment Division v. Smith, which created the current standard for carving out religious exemptions. In that case, the court ruled that laws that target a specific faith, or express hostility towards certain beliefs, are unconstitutional — but this standard has long been abhorred by religious conservatives, who think it doesn't offer enough protections for religions. If the court does overrule Smith, it could have far-ranging consequences. " As noted on Slate, "it would allow anyone to demand a carve-out from laws that go against their religion, unless those laws are 'narrowly tailored' to serve a 'compelling government interest.'"

The four members of the court's conservative wing — Thomas, Alito, Gorsuch, and Kavanaugh —have all signaled an openness to reconsider Smith. The ruling's fate, then, likely rests in the hands of the court's new swing vote, Chief Justice Roberts.

For more, read the full article on Slate.


What's it Like to Be a Child of the 'Gayby Boom'?

Tosca Langbert, who grew up with two dads, writes a piece for the Harvard Business Review about what it's like being among the first children of the "Gayby Boom" to come of age.

We've previously written about the pressure on LGBTQ parents to appear perfect, given that so many in the United States still feel out families shouldn't exist in the first place. And we know this pressure trickles down to our kids. But In an article for the Harvard Business Review titled 'The Gayby Boom Is Here to Stay," author Tosca Langbert eloquently writes, from her perspective, about the experience of beingone of the first children to come of age during an era when LGBTQ parenthood is far more commonplace. She and her two siblings, she notes, "were raised in a family that was an impossibility only decades ago."

In the article, Langbert said she knew from a young age that her family was different from those of most of her peers, who had one a father and a mother. But otherwise, she writes, she didn't feel like her family differed much. "Like any other parents, Dad sat in the carpool lane after school and taught us how to ride our bikes," she writes, "while Papa took us to the movies on the weekends and separated the whites from the colors."

Keep reading...

Utah Bill Would Allow Gay Men to Enter Surrogacy Contracts

Rep. Patrice Arent of Utah is sponsoring a bill that will remove a provision that currently prohibits gay men from entering into commercial surrogacy contracts in the state.

Though Utah is not one of the three states that currently prohibit commercial surrogacy contracts, the state's current policy does specifically exclude gay men from doing so. That may soon changed, however, thanks to a bill in the state's legislature that was unanimously voted out of a House Committee that would remove that restriction.

The bill, sponsored by Rep. Patrice Arent, D-Millcreek, a Democrat, was created in response to a ruling by the Utah Supreme Court this past August that found the ban on gay men unconstitutional.

Gay men have been excluded from legally entering surrogacy contracts due to a provision in the current law that requires medical evidence "that the intended mother is unable to bear a child or is unable to do so without unreasonable risk to her physical or mental health or to the unborn child," Rep. Arent told the Salt Lake Tribune — a requirement that clearly excludes gay male couples.

The state's original surrogacy law dates back to 2005, before same-sex marriage was legalized in the state, which accounts for the gendered language. Though the state's Supreme Court already ruled the provision unconstitutional, Rep Arent further told the Tribute that, "People do not look to Supreme Court opinions to figure out the law, they look to the code and the code should be constitutional."


Colorado Republicans Try and Fail to Outlaw LGBTQ Marriage and Adoption Rights

A bill introduced by four Republican state legislators in Colorado that would outlaw same-sex marriage and adoption rights was voted down.

The "Colorado Natural Marriage and Adoption Act," which would have outlawed gay marriage and adoption in the state of Colorado, was voted down in the state legislature this week. The bill was sponsored by Republican Rep. Stephen Humphrey and three of his conservative colleagues: Dave Williams, Shane Sandridge and Mark Baisley.

If enacted, the bill would have enforced "state law that marriage is between one man and one woman" and restrict "adoption of children by spouses in a marriage ... that consist of one man and one woman."

The bill, which had little chance of success, particularly in Colorado which has trended more progressive over the past several election cycles, was mostly symbolic, according to Sanridrge. "We all know this bill isn't gonna pass in this current left-wing environment," he told Colorado Public Radio. "It's to remind everyone, this is the ultimate way to conceive a child."

In a sign of how far we've come on the issue of LGBTQ marriage and parenting rights, most Republican legislators in the state did not endorse the bill.

Though the bill had little chance of passage, LGBTQ advocacy groups in the state are taking the threats seriously nonetheless. Daniel Ramos, director of the LGBTQ group One Colorado, told LGBTQ Nation that the bills were an attempt to return Colorado to its "hate status" of the 1990s, adding the aggressiveness of the measures were "a bit surprising."

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse