Gay Dad Life

Meet Gay Dads: Richard and Carlos

Richard and Carlos Seigler-Carter live in Brooklyn, New York with their son, Timothy. The couple met almost 14 years ago during a casting call for a photoshoot for Richard's clothing line, and were married in September of 2015. We caught up with the new dads to see how life was treating them. And you can follow this family's journey on Facebook and Instagram.


Tell us about your path to parenthood. Did you consider other options? We considered a variety of options such as foster-adopt, private lawyer adoption, and open adoption. After much deliberation, we decided to go with an agency adoption through Spence-Chapin.

What obstacles did you face on your path to fatherhood? Compared to most other adoption stories, our process went at lightening speed! In early September, we officially applied to our agency and received word that we were accepted in less than 24 hours. On Friday November 18th, Carlos and I hand-delivered our home study documents to the agency at 12pm and received a call at 4pm telling us that there was a baby boy who needed a home and the agency had chosen us. Fast forward to what seemed to be the longest two weeks of our lives, we were finally able to meet and welcome our son Timothy into our home.

How has your life changed since you became a father? Since becoming parents we have had to be deliberate about balancing family time and being present to respond to the needs of our marriage. We firmly believe that we need to nurture our family as a whole, while continuing to "date" each other---finding time for date nights, brunches, etc. Before becoming dads we routinely explored brunch hotspots and we've continued that weekend tradition with Timothy. We've also been very deliberate about creating very strict boundaries at work. When we are home we are dedicated to focusing on Timothy, bonding and enjoying the very funny noises and new things he does seemingly every day.

What have you learned from your children since you became a dad? We have learned the power of patience, the importance of creating boundaries at work so that we are able to spend quality time as a family.

Was there ever a moment that you or your husband experienced any serious doubts about your path to fatherhood or fatherhood itself. And if so, what were they? How did you overcome them? 

We've always known we've wanted to be parents, but to be honest, we were nervous about how folks would receive two black (Jamaican) men raising a baby - an image that is not often as accessible as it should be! However, that challenge isn't insurmountable in our view and we are confident that we will help to champion the beauty of the modern family.

Since becoming parents, we've had to ward off many questions about our conspicuous family. Questions ranging from the "cost of our baby" to the son's ethnicity have become quite rampant and while not discouraging, it is certainly something that has made us more aware of the varying views and values within our community.

Is your family treated differently than others on account of your sexual orientation? As a conspicuous family we have gotten a lot of interested stares, comments, and questions about our family make-up. Many of the questions are well-intentioned, but are at still a bit uncomfortable at times.

Where do you see your family 5-10 years in the future? We would love to expand our family again in another 2-3 years. Both of us grew up with siblings and would love nothing more than for Timmy to grow up with a brother or sister.

What words of advice do you have for other gay men considering fatherhood? Our advice for other couples would be to research, communicate, and be realistic with your expectations. The journey is never easy and there are often a number of unexpected obstacles that arise at the most random times. It is also important to understand that the challenges do not end once your family is complete. Being a conspicuous family is fraught with its ups and downs and those awkward moments do not go away. However, it is in those moments that you are able to change someone's perspective while showing your child(ren) that their is absolutely nothing wrong with your family.

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