Gay Dad Life

A London Based Couple On Life With Twins

Bevan and Giuseppe first met 18 years ago while on a date. But not with each other. They were on a double date with their then-boyfriends. Needless to say, those relationships didn't work out, and 11 years later Giuseppe and Bevan crossed paths once more. This time, they were both single. They went out for dinner and a drink, click instantly. They've been together ever since.


The last 3 years have been a dream come true for the engaged London-based couple, as they became dads to twins. They have two children, born via surrogacy, in December 2016. Giuseppe is "Papa" (said the Italian way) and Bevan is "Daddy." The plan to wait another year or two before they get married so the kids are old enough to play a role and really understand the ceremony.

But first, we spoke with Giuseppe and he filled us in on how they went from two to four, and what parent life is like for the once workaholic fathers. We'll give you a clue: a vast improvement.

Tell us about your path to fatherhood. We talked about and considered co-parenting with a friend but the situation didn't present itself as easy as we imagined. We considered adoption but discovered how difficult the process could have been here in the UK, having had friends that have gone through it before. We then met and talked with a friend that did surrogacy a few years before us and soon felt that, for us, it was the perfect option.

Tell us about any obstacles you faced on your path to fatherhood. We have been very lucky from the very beginning of our journey since we talked to family and friends about it. The immense support given to us both was second to none. The hardest things were probably the amount of traveling we had to do and the money we had to save, while we had the fantastic help of an agency in Los Angeles. All absolutely worthwhile. We would do it again and again if we had to. Our dream was priceless.

How has your life changed since you became a father? Life before was primarily dominated by work - that was the focus of our lives - and then time together. Now our priorities have all changed and somehow life has taken a turn that seems so natural, normal as we always dreamed of. Work is there but it's done in its normal proportions, just because we need to. Family time and life in general is very happy and very rewarding on a daily bases.

What have you learned from your child since you became a dad? To be in the moment, put things aside and continuously be observant.

Was there ever a moment that you or Bevan experienced any serious doubts about your path to fatherhood or fatherhood itself. We felt a little down and not sure if we could were strong enough to carry on when we had few setbacks during the IVF process. (A few unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant.)

Is your family treated differently than others on account of your sexual orientation? A little bit but not intentionally. Mostly because it's still a bit of a novelty, especially when we travel to a country like Italy. In London, not so much, but still at times. [We've] never felt uncomfortable, and at times had strong, beautiful comments of support by somebody that stopped us to talk and say how good it was what we had done.

What words of advice do you have for other gay men considering pursuing your same path or parenthood? It's a very expensive process so have your finances sorted. Get plenty of advice and speak to people that have done it before. There are so many agencies out there and it's important you find the one right for you and your specific case.

Where do you see your family 5-10 years in the future? School, sport, activity, Holiday, family time, school camp, food, cinema. REPEAT!!!

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences creating or raising your family? To never give up! Always pursue your dream without hesitation, a family and parenthood is most incredible gift we have ever received. Make sure you talk to your family and friend about your wish / dream so you can be surrounded by people that can give you support. Enjoy, and have fun. It's the best rollercoaster ride of your life!

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Race

How a White Gay Dad Discusses Racial Issues with his Black Sons

In light of the recent killing of George Floyd by the hands of police in Minneapolis, Joseph Sadusky shares two excerpts from his book that deal directly with issues around raising black sons.

Editor's Note: In light of George Floyd's death, this month, author Joseph Sadusky — who has been sharing excerpts from his book Magic Lessons: Celebratory and Cautionary Tales about Life as a (Single, Gay, Transracially Adoptive) Dad each month —will share two posts that deal directly with issues around raising black sons. This is the first, titled "White," which looks at general questions that come up for a white dad raising black boys. Read previous installments here.

It may be presumptuous for a Caucasian gay man to claim to feel terrified and heartsick at the shooting of Trayvon Martin. But upon hearing the news that day in 2012, this is exactly how I felt.

The horrible truth is that there are many incidents of racial violence toward black males that I could use as starting points for this topic. But the specific case of Trayvon Martin—whose only crime was being a young black male wearing a hoodie, walking in a neighborhood where he had a home—has a particular resonance for me. Whatever the legalities of George Zimmerman using a gun to "stand his ground" if he felt his life was threatened, the simple truth is that he chose—against the direction of law enforcement, whom he contacted for support—to follow an African American male who had every right to be walking those neighborhood streets, however "thug" he might appear.

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Become a Gay Dad

Curious About Covid 19's Impact on Foster Care and Adoption?

Leading industry experts answer questions from queer men about the impact of Covid-19 on the adoption and foster care processes.

Recently, GWK hosted a series of free webinars with leading experts led by industry experts in the fields of adoption and foster care to learn about up-to-date insights on how the coronavirus affects family building. The presentations left lots of room for audience Q&A, to allow participants to get their individual questions answered — there were some common questions raised during each webinar, however, so we've put together a quick video of our experts answering some of the top concerns from queer men interested in pursuing surrogacy.

Our team of experts include:

Have other questions about the impact of the coronavirus on adoption or foster care that you'd like our experts to answer? Be sure to email us at dads@gayswithkids.com.

Surrogacy for Gay Men

Top 5 Questions About Covid-19's Impact On Surrogacy

Leading industry experts answer questions from queer men about the impact of Covid-19 on the surrogacy process.

Recently, GWK hosted a series of free webinars with leading experts led by industry experts in the field of surrogacy to learn about up-to-date insights on how the coronavirus affects family building. The presentations left lots of room for audience Q&A, to allow participants to get their individual questions answered — there were some common questions raised during each webinar, however, so we've put together a quick video of our experts answering some of the top concerns from queer men interested in pursuing surrogacy.

Our team of experts include:

Have other questions about the impact of the coronavirus on surrogacy that you'd like our experts to answer? Be sure to email us at dads@gayswithkids.com.

Here is a breakdown of the Top 5 Questions About Covid 19's Impact On Surrogacy. These are highlights taken from our live webinar series we held featuring: G...

Transracial Families Series

How These Dads Address White Privilege within Their Transracial Family

The "white savior" complex is real, said Andrew and Don, who are raising two Black children.

Editor's Note: This is the first in a series of ongoing posts exploring issues related to transracial families headed by gay, bi and trans men. Interested in being featured as part of the series? Email us at dads@gayswithkids.com

Andrew Kohn, 40, and his husband Donald (Don) Jones, 47, together 13 years, are two white dads raising two Black children in Columbus, Ohio. Do they stick out? Sure. Have they encountered racism? They say they haven't. "I keep waiting for the moment so that I can become my best Julia Sugarbaker," said Andrew. "I think because we're a gay couple with Black kids, we're the other-other and people don't really say things to us. We have never had people touch our kids hair or do something that was inappropriate."

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Children's Books

New LGBTQ-Inclusive Children's Book Asks: What Makes a Family?

A new children's book by Seamus Kirst follows a young girl's journey of emotional discovery after she is asked which of her two dads is her "real dad."

Editor's note: This is a guest post from Seamus Kirst, author of the new LGBTQ-inclusive children's book "Papa, Daddy, Riley."

Throughout my life, I have discovered that reading provides an almost miraculous way of changing the way I think.

There is no medium that better offers insight into the perceptions, feelings and humanity of someone who is different from us. Through reading we become empathetic. Through reading we evolve. I have often emerged from reading a book, and felt like I was changed. In that, even in this digital age, I know I am not alone.

As children, reading shapes how we see the world. The characters, places, and stories we come to love in our books inform us as to what life might offer us as we grow up, and our world begins to expand beyond our own backyards.

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Gay Dad Photo Essays

Interested in Foster Care? These Amazing Dads Have Some Advice

As National Foster Care Month comes to a close, we rounded up some amazing examples of gay men serving as foster care dads, helping provide kids with a bright future.

Every May in the United States, we celebrate National Foster Care Month. With over 437,000 children and youth in foster care, it's our honor to take a look at some of the awesome dads in our community who are opening their hearts and their homes, and providing these kids with a bright future.

Thinking about becoming a foster parent? Check out these resources here, and visit AdoptUSKids.

Meet the Foster Dads!

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Transracial Families Series

This Transracial Family Relies on a 'Support Group' of African American Women

Puerto Rican dads Ferdinand and Manuel are raising a daughter of Jamaican descent — and love to find ways to celebrate their family's diversity

Our second feature in our transracial family series. Read the first one here.

Ferdinand Ortiz, 39, and his husband Manuel Gonzalez, 38, have been together for 7 years. In 2017, they became foster dads when they brought their daughter, Mia Valentina, home from the hospital. She was just three days old at the time. On December 13, 2018, her adoption was finalized.

Mia is of Jamaican and African American heritage, and her dads are both Puerto Rican. When Manuel and Ferdinand began their parenting journey through the foster care system, they received specific training on how to be the parents of a child whose race and culture was different from their own. "We learned that it's important to celebrate our child's culture and surround ourselves with people who can help her be proud of her culture." However, as helpful as this training was, the dads agreed that it would've been beneficial to hear from other transracial families and the type of challenges that they faced.

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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