Along Came Conor: How I Introduced My Boyfriend to My Kids
Four years ago, Conor and Adam Morgan met online. The couple had their first date at a local Thai restaurant and ever since have been inseparable. On March 11, 2017, they were married in the Scottish Highlands. They became husband and husband in front of friends, family and Adam's two children. Here's how one dad started living his authentic life, met his true love, and led his kids to accept him for who he truly was.
Life as a "Straight" Dad
Adam married his ex-wife when he was 21 years old, and together they have two beautiful children, India and Tyler. In his early twenties, Adam's life revolved around family and church. He knew he was gay, but he could not imagine his life as a gay dad in the church. Adam was fearful of the shame that it would bring upon his family, especially his two very young children. So he kept his true feelings a secret.
In 2012, Adam began to withdraw from everyone around him, becoming depressed and losing a lot of weight. His days of being closeted were catching up on him and he was unsure how he could keep living this way. But it wasn't until after New Years in 2013, when he was on a business trip in Barcelona, that he was confronted with his feelings.
"I got back to my hotel after work one night and had a sudden realization that I could not go back home." said Adam. "I wanted to find a way to disappear - to completely leave without a trace and start a new life somewhere else."
Adam called a close friend who, unfortunately, wasn't helpful. He told Adam to "get a grip," and return to his wife and kids. The church, his friend promised, would help him. This only made things worse, and after a restless and emotional night, he decided to return home and make some changes.
Adam with India and Tyler
Once home, Adam spoke with his wife. Unable to tell her the truth, he simply said things were no longer working. Upset and shocked, she convinced him to attend counseling rather than to end their marriage. Adam agreed. He went to therapist after therapist, but none were of any help since Adam was unable to discuss his sexuality. But then he finally met one who pointblank asked him the question he had been dreading to confront out in the open: "Are you gay?" the therapist asked.
"It was the first time I had ever said 'Yes, I'm gay' to anyone," Adam said. "After a number of sessions I decided to go home and be honest with my ex-wife."
Initially, after discovering her husband was gay, Adam's ex-wife was supportive. But the reality of their impending separation was understandably difficult for her. Adam was the sole provider for their home, and they had two small children. It would take a few more years before they could heal, and start to work on maintaining a friendship.
"It was hard for her, as it was hard for me," explained Adam. "Her whole life was changing before her eyes and that comfort and security was going to be gone in the way she knew it. I'm so glad that the two of us have come out at the other end as much better and happier parents for our two amazing kids."
Along Came Conor
After meeting online and dating for four months, Adam decided it was time to introduce Conor to his children. Adam says he'd never seen Conor as nervous as before he met Tyler and India. It was a brief introduction, and Conor quickly won them over with the gift of chocolate.
As the weeks went on, Adam and Conor spent more and more time with India and Tyler, though it was never discussed that Conor was daddy's boyfriend. When Adam relocated to Ayrshire, Scotland to live with Conor, the kids were excited to have another home in a different country.
Sometimes the children would ask Adam why he kissed Conor. Boys, they thought, weren't supposed to kiss other boys. It wasn't until around Conor and Adam's wedding that Tyler and India really understood their dads' relationship and they began talking as a family.
"They asked questions about why we were getting married, why we love each other and it was one of those moment in life where something clicks into place," said Adam and Conor. "The morning after we got married, they both came running into our room, jumped on the bed, started to tickle us and said 'It's really nice having two dads.' We all gave each other the biggest hug and there were tears, as you can imagine."
Adam and Conor were married on March 11 this year in front of 66 close friends and family. Both India and Tyler played important roles in the ceremony. Tyler had to pass the wedding rings to each person who sat watching to "warm the rings": an old Scottish tradition to bestow happiness onto the new couple for the rest of their lives. India's role was to collect the rings and then pass them to the celebrant. The night ended with a lively Scottish Ceilidh (traditional singing and dancing) and the two children danced the night away with the rest of the wedding party. It was a night to remember.
Becoming a Dad to a Ready-Made Family
When Adam first told Conor that he had two kids, via text, Conor thought he was joking. He'd never dated anyone before who had kids.
"Initially I was quite intimidated," said Conor. "[But] once I had met them both, I fell in love with them because they are so like their dad that it felt right to be a part of their family."
For Conor, life has changed completely. His weekends used to belong to just him; now he's a dad to two and he wouldn't have it any other way.
"My priorities before were much more superficial," shared Conor, "And now I love spending time with our kids at the weekends and it is more important to me to have that special time with them than anything else in the world!"
Conor continuously strives to be the best father figure possible to Tyler and India. He wants to be someone the kids can look up to, he says. He, like Adam, is very protective of them, and worries that they might be bullied at school because of their two dads. Simultaneously, he's trying to teach them not to worry about what other people think.
Conor and Adam are extremely grateful to be surrounded by loving friends and family who make them feel accepted, loved and supported. Conor also knows that time will only make the family stronger.
"I see us being a happy family unit that is tighter than before," explained Conor, "Helping the kids to achieve their hopes and dreams and making their life the best it can be!"
"Even though the road might not be straight forward, having a family as two dads is the most rewarding amazing experience in the world!"
We couldn't agree more.
Watch the dads in an interview they did on a BBC documentary below: