Gay Dad Life

This Couple Refused to Let Financial Restraints Keep Them From Becoming Dads

Their first date didn't go so well, but Alnardo and Anthony decided to give it another shot. Luckily they did, because it was on their second date that the sparks flew and they quickly became inseparable. That was 7 years ago. They married in December 2014. Alnardo, a dental assistant, and Anthony, a pharmacy technician, chose to create their family through adoption, and in May this year, they became dads.


Tell us about your path to parenthood. Our preferred method would have been surrogacy. Going through an agency would have cost thousands of dollars which we could not afford. We have a good friend who decided she wanted to give us the gift of a child and decided to try a in-home insemination kit we found online. A week later she was pregnant. Unfortunately she had a miscarriage at 5 weeks so we took a break from thinking about fatherhood for a year. After that we talked and thought that adoption would be the best thing for now and that we would revisit surrogacy later.

What obstacles did you face on your path to fatherhood? We are both full-time employees and live a comfortable life but the cost to have a child is ridiculous for a gay couple. Agency costs, lawyer fees and home study are all things that while helpful and necessary create a great financial burden and itself is the biggest obstacle we had to overcome. It's hard to know that some people have kids and don't want them and we want kids and can't have them due to financial constraints. Fortunately we had a great support system and thanks to some donations were able to raise money for lawyer fees and home study.

How did your life change when you became a father? Before fatherhood we came and went as we pleased. We were constantly going out with friends and family, going on weekend trips and were totally spontaneous and really just went where the wind took us. After becoming fathers it's crazy how that fatherly instinct just immediately kicked in! We are more loving toward each other and suddenly things that would have gotten us angry before just don't seem to bother us now. Our communication has improved and overall having Preston in our lives have made our bond as husbands stronger.

What have you learned from your children since you became a dad? One thing that we have learned is that it is no longer about us anymore. Your priority now becomes about your children and they come first for everything. You must learn patience when they are crying and not able to tell you what is wrong.

Was there ever a moment that you or Anthony experienced any serious doubts about your path to fatherhood or fatherhood itself? The miscarriage we experienced definitely made us feel like maybe it was the universe telling us it wasn't meant to be. When we found out about the possibility of adopting a newborn I was immediately on board but I think Anthony had doubts. We only had two months to figure things out* and the way we found out was random and out the blue so we both weren't expecting the call we got. We had so many things we wanted to do before adopting and we had to sit down and have the conversation about is this really for us? Can we really do this and would the stresses of being a parent and the road to it break us apart? It wasn't an easy conversation but our faith in one another got us through it.

*Preston's birth mom is an old friend of Alnardo's and she approached him knowing he was looking to start a family. She was already 29 weeks pregnant and was unable to raise him on her own. Alnardo and Anthony had to rush to do the home study and find a lawyer.

Is your family treated differently than others on account of your sexual orientation? We have not had instances where we were treated differently. We get stares sometimes while out at a mall or supermarket but no one has dared say or do anything to make us feel any type of way.

If you did not always want kids, what happened to change your mind? I've always wanted kids. My husband didn't. He loved the idea of being a dad but couldn't picture himself raising children. His nieces and nephews are a big reason why he changed his mind. They are all so loving that it's slowly made him realize he would be a good dad.

Where do you see your family 5-10 years in the future? I see us in Florida living in a beautiful home with enough property for Preston to run around in. I see Preston being a great leader in school our love and respect for one another growing.

What words of advice do you have for other gay men considering pursuing your same path or parenthood? Being a father is hard work! You will never sleep and your world will be consumed by your kids but we wouldn't have it any other way. The love you feel from this little human is immense and we feel like you will never know any other love like it. Starting the process of adoption may seem like a lot and it is and sometimes it may be a bit invasive but don't give up on your dream and know that someone somewhere has the answers to any questions you may have all you have to do is reach out.

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Gay Dad Life

Karamo Brown Co-Writes Children's Book with Son, Jason

The 'Queer Eye' star and his son named the story on a family mantra: You are Perfectly Designed

When his sons, Jason and Chris, were young, "Queer Eye" Star Karamo Brown repeated the same saying to them: "You are perfectly designed."

That mantra is now a Children's Book, cowritten by Karamo and his 22-year-old son, Jason, who used to come how and "say things like, 'I don't want to be me, I wish I was someone else, I wish I had a different life." As a parent, that "broke my heart," Karamo told Yahoo! Lifestyle. "I would say to him, 'You are blessed and you are perfect just the way you are,' as a reminder that you have been given so much and you should be appreciative and know that you're enough — I know that the world will try to tear you down, but if you can say to yourself, 'I am perfectly designed,' maybe it can quiet out some of those negative messages."

The illustrations, by Anoosha Syed, also make a point of displaying families of a variety of races and sexual orientations throughout the book.

Read more about Karamo's fascinating path to becoming a gay dad here, and then check out the video below that delves deeper into the inspiration behind "You Are Perfectly Designed," available on Amazon.



Gay Dad Life

The Suburban Gay Dad

Are you intimidated by the suburbs? This gay dad was — but then he moved there.

In a recent article for Yahoo! Lifestyle, Steve Jacobs says the thought of living in the suburbs as a gay dad "intimidated" him. But when he started fantasizing about garages, he began to question that notion. Any apprehension he had soon evaporated, he said, one winter morning while trying to navigate the snowy streets of New York City with a stroller.

While "pushing the stroller through snow banks and pools of slush with snowflakes stinging our faces," he wrote, "a vision came to me: I pictured us walking into a garage, hopping into a car, and arriving at a diner with 10 times less drama. This image planted the seed of moving to the 'burbs that I couldn't shake."

Soon, the family of four found a house in a town a half hour outside the city. "It had grass and a beautiful yard for our spirited kiddos. The schools were good. There were even good restaurants. The only red flag: Census data estimated only 0.1 percent of the population was gay male."

There were some "growing pains" while trying to make friends in this environment. "When we attended our first dinner party, within minutes the hostess went to the kitchen and the other wives followed her, while the husbands settled into the living room. Ira and I froze, looking at each other. In the city, our straight friends hadn't separated out like this for the evening. Should we stay with the dudes, exert our masculinity, and blow off the mom we liked? Or does one of us go with the wives and accept the personal branding that comes with that? We did a quick rock paper scissors in the foyer. Ira went with the wives."

But ultimately, "being a parent defined me more than I ever imagined it would," he wrote, and he settled in nicely to his new suburban life.

Have you had a similar adjustment, from city life to the suburbs? Tell us about it at dads@gayswithkids.com for an upcoming piece!

Gay Dad Life

"Fridays with Fitz": A New Kid's Book Based Upon the Son of These Two Dads

Tracey Wimperly, author of the new children's book, said she hopes to give a more honest portrayal of the role grandparents play in the lives of children.

Guest post Tracey Wimperly

I've recently written a children's picture book (aimed at 2-4 year olds) called "Fridays with Fitz: Fitz Goes to the Pool." Every Friday - when his two dads go to work - Fitz and his grandparents (my husband, Steve and I) head off on an adventure. Through the eyes of a curious and energetic 3 year old, even ordinary adventures, like riding the bus or foraging for fungus in the forest can be fun and magical.

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Gay Dad Family Stories

One Single Gay Dad's Trailblazing Path to Parenthood Via Surrogacy

20 years ago, Gene became the first single gay man to work with Circle Surrogacy in order to become a dad — trailblazing a path for many others since.

This article is part of our family feature series with Circle Surrogacy, a surrogacy agency that has been helping LGBTQ+ singles and couples realize their dream of parenthood for the past 20 years.

"I think I was pretty naïve, I guess," chuckled Gene, one of the first single gay dads to work with Circle Surrogacy over 19 years ago. "I just had made a decision and went out and did it, and wasn't really thinking about how difficult it might be or what other people thought, being first at doing something."

So how did Gene hear about surrogacy as an option for single gay men? Well, it began with Gene flipping through a bar magazine. He recalls seeing an ad about a woman providing a service to connect gay men with lesbians in platonic co-parenting relationships. While he started down that path, working with the founder, Jennifer, he remembers thinking, "What if I meet someone? What if I want to move? It would create all these complications."

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Change the World

"Dadvocates" Gather in D.C. to Demand Paid Family Leave for ALL Parents

"Dadvocate" and new gay dad Rudy Segovia joined others in D.C. recently to educate lawmakers on the need for paid family leave for ALL parents

On Tuesday October 22, Dove Men+Care and PL+US (Paid Leave for the United States) led the Dads' Day of Action on Capitol Hill. A group of over 40 dads and "dadvocates" from across the states lobbied key member of Congress on the issue of paid paternity leave for *ALL* dads. They shared stories of their struggles to take time off when welcoming new family members and the challenges dads face with no paid paternity leave.

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Gay Dad Photo Essays

Falling for Fall: 33 Photos of Gay Dads and Kids at the Pumpkin Patch

Oh my gourd, it's fall! To celebrate, we rounded up 33 pics (and whole lot of pun-kins) in our annual fall photo essay!

Don your checked shirt, grab them apples, and shine those smiles while perched on pumpkins — it's the annual fall family photo op! A trip to the pumpkin patch and / or apple orchard is a staple family fall outing, and we're here for it. 🎃🍎🍂👨👨👧👦

Thanks to these dads who shared their pics with us! Share your own to dads@gayswithkids.com and we'll add them to this post!

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Gay Dad Family Stories

David and Ben Met on the Dance Floor — and Are Now Grooving Their Way Through Fatherhood

David and Ben, who became fathers with the help of Northwest Surrogacy Center, live in Melbourne with their daughter, Maia.

In 2003, while both studying at Reading University in the UK, Ben Suter and David Cocks met after locking eyes on the dance floor and then being introduced by a mutual friend. Ben, a meteorologist and Operations Manager, and David, an Assistant Principal, have been together ever since. They moved to Australia together in 2010, seeking a different life, and an overall better work-life balance. The chose Cairns in Queensland as their new home, between the Great Barrier Reef and the tropical rainforest, "taking life a bit easier," said David. The couple were also married in June 2016, back home in England.

While David always wanted kids, Ben took a little convincing. So they started their parenting journey with a dog, Titan, who quickly became like their first born. From there, Ben came around rather quickly.

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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