Gay Dad Life

This Couple Refused to Let Financial Restraints Keep Them From Becoming Dads

Their first date didn't go so well, but Alnardo and Anthony decided to give it another shot. Luckily they did, because it was on their second date that the sparks flew and they quickly became inseparable. That was 7 years ago. They married in December 2014. Alnardo, a dental assistant, and Anthony, a pharmacy technician, chose to create their family through adoption, and in May this year, they became dads.


Tell us about your path to parenthood. Our preferred method would have been surrogacy. Going through an agency would have cost thousands of dollars which we could not afford. We have a good friend who decided she wanted to give us the gift of a child and decided to try a in-home insemination kit we found online. A week later she was pregnant. Unfortunately she had a miscarriage at 5 weeks so we took a break from thinking about fatherhood for a year. After that we talked and thought that adoption would be the best thing for now and that we would revisit surrogacy later.

What obstacles did you face on your path to fatherhood? We are both full-time employees and live a comfortable life but the cost to have a child is ridiculous for a gay couple. Agency costs, lawyer fees and home study are all things that while helpful and necessary create a great financial burden and itself is the biggest obstacle we had to overcome. It's hard to know that some people have kids and don't want them and we want kids and can't have them due to financial constraints. Fortunately we had a great support system and thanks to some donations were able to raise money for lawyer fees and home study.

How did your life change when you became a father? Before fatherhood we came and went as we pleased. We were constantly going out with friends and family, going on weekend trips and were totally spontaneous and really just went where the wind took us. After becoming fathers it's crazy how that fatherly instinct just immediately kicked in! We are more loving toward each other and suddenly things that would have gotten us angry before just don't seem to bother us now. Our communication has improved and overall having Preston in our lives have made our bond as husbands stronger.

What have you learned from your children since you became a dad? One thing that we have learned is that it is no longer about us anymore. Your priority now becomes about your children and they come first for everything. You must learn patience when they are crying and not able to tell you what is wrong.

Was there ever a moment that you or Anthony experienced any serious doubts about your path to fatherhood or fatherhood itself? The miscarriage we experienced definitely made us feel like maybe it was the universe telling us it wasn't meant to be. When we found out about the possibility of adopting a newborn I was immediately on board but I think Anthony had doubts. We only had two months to figure things out* and the way we found out was random and out the blue so we both weren't expecting the call we got. We had so many things we wanted to do before adopting and we had to sit down and have the conversation about is this really for us? Can we really do this and would the stresses of being a parent and the road to it break us apart? It wasn't an easy conversation but our faith in one another got us through it.

*Preston's birth mom is an old friend of Alnardo's and she approached him knowing he was looking to start a family. She was already 29 weeks pregnant and was unable to raise him on her own. Alnardo and Anthony had to rush to do the home study and find a lawyer.

Is your family treated differently than others on account of your sexual orientation? We have not had instances where we were treated differently. We get stares sometimes while out at a mall or supermarket but no one has dared say or do anything to make us feel any type of way.

If you did not always want kids, what happened to change your mind? I've always wanted kids. My husband didn't. He loved the idea of being a dad but couldn't picture himself raising children. His nieces and nephews are a big reason why he changed his mind. They are all so loving that it's slowly made him realize he would be a good dad.

Where do you see your family 5-10 years in the future? I see us in Florida living in a beautiful home with enough property for Preston to run around in. I see Preston being a great leader in school our love and respect for one another growing.

What words of advice do you have for other gay men considering pursuing your same path or parenthood? Being a father is hard work! You will never sleep and your world will be consumed by your kids but we wouldn't have it any other way. The love you feel from this little human is immense and we feel like you will never know any other love like it. Starting the process of adoption may seem like a lot and it is and sometimes it may be a bit invasive but don't give up on your dream and know that someone somewhere has the answers to any questions you may have all you have to do is reach out.

Show Comments ()
Gay Dad Life

Cooking with Kids: An Interview with David Burtka

David Burtka sits down with us to talk about his new book "Life is a Party."

When you're a young couple it's easy to order in or dine out on a daily basis, but when the kids come along, spending time in the kitchen to prepare nutritious and healthy meals for them can become a problem for some dads. We turned to gay dad and celebrity chef David Burtka who just published his debut recipe book Life is a Party, to get some advice, inspiration, and support as we take our baby steps in the kitchen.

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Dad Family Stories

Philippe "Swiped Right" on This Handsome Young Dad

At first, Philippe wasn't sure he could date a man who was a dad. But Steve, and his son Gabriel, have helped him realize a "fatherly side" of himself he didn't know he had.

"It's been one hell of a ride since the beginning," said 26-year-old Steve Argyrakis, Canadian dad of one. He was 19 when he found out he was going to be a dad and the mom was already several months along in her pregnancy. Steve, who lives in Montreal, was struggling with his homosexuality but wanted to do the "right thing," so he continued to suppress his authentic self. "I was so scared about the future and about my own happiness, that I had put aside my homosexuality once again."

A couple of months later, little Gabriel was born, and it was love at first sight.

Keep reading... Show less
Entertainment

Ain't No Party Like a Gay Dad Dance Party

Gay dads singing and dancing with their kids is EXACTLY what you need to get your weekend started right.

Who jams to Led Zeppelin with their kids?

Who rocks some sweet moves to Kelly Clarkson?

Who sings along with their kids in the car?

Who breaks it down with a baby strapped to them in a carrier?

We all do! But these guys happened to catch it all on tape for us to enjoy! Thanks dads. 😂

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Adoption

5 Ways to Know Your Adoption Agency Is LGBTQ-Friendly

So you're ready to adopt. How do you know your adoption agency won't just discriminate against you as a gay man, but is actively welcoming to LGBTQ people?

You know what is the worst? Adoption agencies who discriminate! So how do you know your agency welcomes you? Check out our list of five immediate ways to know if your agency is LGBTQ affirming.

Keep reading... Show less
Change the World

Gay Dads Featured in Enfamil Commercial

A new ad for Enfamil showcases two gay men talking about their daughter.

The best kind of inclusion is when you're not singled out but instead included right along with everyone else. This kind inclusion inspires others to pursue their own dreams and desires, just like any one else. As part of our popular culture, we know that brands are uniquely suited to inspire us in this way.

Keep reading... Show less
Politics

Daughter of Married Gay Couple Who Used Surrogacy Abroad Isn't Citizen, Says U.S. State Department

A decades-old law can be used to discriminate against gay couples who use surrogacy abroad.

James Derek Mize and his husband Jonathan Gregg are both American citizens, but their daughter, born via a surrogate, may not be, at least according to the U.S. State Department.

The New York Times took an in-depth look at this case in a piece that ran in the paper yesterday. While James was born and raised in the U.S, his husband Jonathan was originally born in Britain. That may be enough, according to the State Department, to deny their daughter citizenship.

"We're both Americans; we're married," James told the New York Times. "We just found it really hard to believe that we could have a child that wouldn't be able to be in our country."

According to decades-old immigration law, a child born abroad must have a biological connection to a parent that is a U.S. citizen in order to be eligible to receive citizenship upon birth. Children born via surrogacy are determined to be "out of wedlock," according to the Times report," which then requires a more onerous process to qualify for citizenship, such as demonstrating that a biological parent is not only an American citizen, but has spent at least five years in the country.

The intent of the law, which dates back to the 1950s, was to prevent people from claiming, falsely, that they are the children of U.S. parents. But LGBTQ advocates argue this archaic policy is being used intentionally to discriminates against same-sex couples, who often have to rely on donors, IVF and surrogacy in order to have biologically children, and are thus held to a higher standard.

"This is where our life is. This is where our jobs are," James told the Times. "Our daughter can't be here, but she has no one else to care for her."

Read the whole story here.


Popular

Couple That Met at the Gym Now Spotting Each Other Through Fatherhood

How two real New-Yorkers became two soft-hearted dads

This article is part of our family feature series with Circle Surrogacy, a surrogacy agency that has been helping LGBTQ+ singles and couples realize their dream of parenthood for the past 20 years.

Byron and Matthew Slosar, both 41, met ten years ago at one of New York City's Equinox gyms. "I asked him for a spot on the bench press," smiled Byron. The couple were married September 22, 2012.

Surrogacy was always the way Byron and Matthew wanted to become parents. They chose to wait and become dads later in life, until they had established careers and the financial means to pursue their chosen path.

They signed with Circle Surrogacy after interviewing a few agencies. "We immediately connected with their entire staff, particularly Anne Watson who lovingly dealt with my healthy neuroses on the daily for 1.5 years," said Byron. "They definitely personalized the service and helped us understand all 2,000 moving parts." The dads-to-be were also very impressed with how much emotional support they received from Circle.

Keep reading... Show less

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse