Gay Dad Life

Meet Gay Dads: Adam and Jason

Adam Gentile and Jason Babcock were attending UMASS Amherst college when they found out they were both dating the same guy! Upon realizing this, they left the cheater and ended up dating each other. That was 10 years ago. Today they're married and are the proud dads to son Tristan. Here's their story.

Tell us about your path to parenthood. We choose IVF because it allowed us to genetically have a child of our own. We did consider adoption prior to contacting Boston IVF, however we decided that adoption would be best for later down the road. We also have an amazing friend who offered to carry our son for us years earlier. Therefore we reached out to her (Jessie) and made sure her whole family (her husband and three children) were on board with the decision. Jessie's husband has donated his sperm twice to a lesbian couple in the past. Jessie was simply our surrogate, we used Boston IVF to find an egg donor through an egg donor base.

Adam and Jason with Tristan

What obstacles did you face on your path to fatherhood? Doing IVF is financially taxing. You invest tens of thousands of dollars on the hope and prayers of having a family, however nothing is guaranteed. The first egg donor we found from the IVF data base ended up harvesting very poor quality eggs, to which out of 32 eggs originally retrieved, only 2 of the eggs reached fertilization (viable embryos). We felt defeated after spending tons of money to only have one chance at getting pregnant. We crossed our fingers and implanted both embryos into Jessie, and unfortunately we ended up with a miscarriage. We were simply heart broken. After a two year process where everything seemed to go wrong, we ended up with broken dreams. We took about 4 months to heal and then decided to do the whole process again. We went back to the IVF egg data base and found a new donor. This time around everything went so smoothly. We ended up with beautiful embryos from both Adam and myself, were able to implant two and freeze 12 more for the future. And in the end we ended up with our beautiful son Tristan.

How did your life change when you became a father? Since having Tristan I have become a stay-at-home dad. I was working as an office manager for a CPA firm. We decided it was in our sons best interest for me to stay home and we also plan on having more kids soon, therefore financially it made more sense for me to stay home. Besides that, life feels like it just started eight months ago. Tristan has made our lives so meaningful, joyful, rewarding...the list goes on and on. My whole life I've always wanted to have kids, to feel that love everyone talks about when talking about their kids. And I can honestly say now that it's something that's just so...hard to put into words how much love you can have for something so instantly and how they can just grab to your heart in ways you never knew possible.

What have you learned from your children since you became a dad? Adam and I have learned patience with one another. We knew going into parenthood that it would be challenging, however you can never really prepare for how much your life changes once you have a kid. At the end of the day now everything we do has to be reasonable and thoughtful because it's not just about us anymore, it's about Tristan. I also feel as gay parents we have a responsibility to be the best parents possible because we are under a microscope everywhere we go - a challenge we are more than happy to live up to.

Is your family treated differently than others on account of your sexual orientation? The only time we felt discrimination was when it came to getting our sons birth certificate. In Massachusetts it's legal for Adam and myself to be Tristan's legal guardians and have our names be the only ones on his birth certificate, however we had to get a DNA test to reveal who his biological father was. Our egg donor's information is only given to our lawyers, therefore Massachusetts wouldn't issue us Tristan's birth certificate until they knew which one of us was his biological father.

Where do you see your family 5-10 years in the future? We are already starting the IVF process again with Jessie for baby number two. Jessie is just the worlds most amazing woman. She knew we wanted a family of at least two, therefore she volunteered to be our surrogate one more time to help us achieve that dream. In 5 years I would love to see us with 2 to 3 children of our own and 1 child from adoption.

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Gay Dad Life

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The New York Times took an in-depth look at this case in a piece that ran in the paper yesterday. While James was born and raised in the U.S, his husband Jonathan was originally born in Britain. That may be enough, according to the State Department, to deny their daughter citizenship.

"We're both Americans; we're married," James told the New York Times. "We just found it really hard to believe that we could have a child that wouldn't be able to be in our country."

According to decades-old immigration law, a child born abroad must have a biological connection to a parent that is a U.S. citizen in order to be eligible to receive citizenship upon birth. Children born via surrogacy are determined to be "out of wedlock," according to the Times report," which then requires a more onerous process to qualify for citizenship, such as demonstrating that a biological parent is not only an American citizen, but has spent at least five years in the country.

The intent of the law, which dates back to the 1950s, was to prevent people from claiming, falsely, that they are the children of U.S. parents. But LGBTQ advocates argue this archaic policy is being used intentionally to discriminates against same-sex couples, who often have to rely on donors, IVF and surrogacy in order to have biologically children, and are thus held to a higher standard.

"This is where our life is. This is where our jobs are," James told the Times. "Our daughter can't be here, but she has no one else to care for her."

Read the whole story here.


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They signed with Circle Surrogacy after interviewing a few agencies. "We immediately connected with their entire staff, particularly Anne Watson who lovingly dealt with my healthy neuroses on the daily for 1.5 years," said Byron. "They definitely personalized the service and helped us understand all 2,000 moving parts." The dads-to-be were also very impressed with how much emotional support they received from Circle.

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