Gay Dad Life

"Over the Moon": Congrats to Gay Dads on May Births and Adoptions!

Join us in congratulating all of the gay men in our community whose families grew in the Month of May!

Wishing all of these gay dads congratulations on their exciting news this month. From pregnancy announcements, to becoming first-time dads, congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

Circle Surrogacy is the proud sponsor of May's Congrats post. They were founded in 1995 on the belief that everyone should have the opportunity to be a parent. "For over 20 years we've helped LGBTQ+ couples and singles around the world fulfill their dreams of parenthood. We've helped bring more than 1,900 babies into this world... and counting!"


Congratulations to dads Gamaliel and Jimmy on the birth of their twins!

Gamaliel and his husband Jimmy welcomed twins, Alejandro and Anna, via surrogacy on April 1. The new family of four live in Miami, Florida and are immigrants from Venezuela and Dominican Republic.

"We became dads through an amazing woman from Colombia that honored us with being our surrogate!" shared Gamaliel. "We would love to speak to anyone who is interested in the process, and share this information. They can contact us. Holding our Princess and Prince for the first time was like falling in love for the first time ever! Never felt this type of love in our lives!"

Congratulations to this Floridian family!

Congratulations to dads Carlos and Oscar on the birth of their daughter!

Carlos and Oscar, both originally from Spain live in Germany and became dads via surrogacy in America. They've been together 8 years, and they always knew they wanted to be parents.

"We started our surrogacy journey 3 years in the US. Before that we had to investigate to feel good about the process. We thought the US regulations are fair and ethic," said Carlos.

"We were not so lucky with nature, our first embryos were not good and our doctor suggested also to change surrogate. That was hard since we have a good relationship with her. But April (their surrogate) was the best. We visited her in her 5th month of pregnancy and felt a big connection."

"We always thought we were going to have a boy but we didn't want to interfere nature. Sofia came into the world on April 2nd after a long natural labor ... seeing her hairy head coming out was incredible, we all had tears of happiness."

Congratulations to dads Matthew and Chip on the birth of their youngest son, Holden!

Dads Matthew and Chip have twin three year old sons, August and Sandon, and on May 6, their youngest Holden joined the family.

"We missed the birth of our twin sons, our surrogate had to undergo an emergency c-section so it was really important to us that we made the birth of our newest son," explained Matthew. "And even though he did come a week and a half early, we were able to book last minutes flights to make it to Portland in time for the birth."

"It was the most amazing experience witnessing our son's birth and to be able to be the first one to hold him after he was born. We were both overwhelmed with joy holding our new son for the first time knowing that our family was now complete. And of course there are no words to describe how grateful we are to our surrogate and her family for helping bring our new son into the world."

Congrats to this family from Omaha, Nebraska!

Congratulations to dads Richard and Stefan on the birth of their daughter!

Richard and Stefan returned to Oregon to work with their wonderful surrogate for a second time to complete their family.

"The pregnancy and birth went really smoothly. The support from the surrogate's family and friends was heartwarming," said Richard. Their daughter was born April 18th.

"We're over the moon that our daughter is so calm and healthy," shared Stefan. "She is now five weeks old and we've just returned to Germany, where we live. Her big brother is so sweet with her."

"We're the luckiest guys in the world!"

Congratulations to dads Matt and Joseph on the adoption of their daughter!

LA husbands Matt and Joseph had their adoption profile live for only 2.5 month before our daughter was born. "We got the call from our agency on April 19 saying that she was born at 6am that morning and that we were chosen by the birth parents to adopt her!" said Joseph. "The birth parents specifically asked for a gay couple."

"The first time we held her were were in complete shock! We were so happy and surprised," said Matt. "We kept asking ourselves "is this real?" How could this perfect little baby fall into our life's as if she was just dropped off by a stork or something. We instantly fell in love with her."

So far, life as dads of two is going relatively smoothly. "Couples that make their families through adoption have to fit nine months of planning into a short time," continued Matt. "We had one day, and I think we did a great job setting the house up for Stella." Matt added, "Baby #2 seems not as hectic as baby #1. We know what we are doing now, every piece isn't a completely new learning experience. But I will say, I completely forgot how hard the whole sleep thing is."

Congratulations to dads Stevey and Mika on the birth of their daughter!

After attending a Men Having Babies conference in January 2018 in San Francisco Stevey and Mika wanted to get our journey to fatherhood started as soon as possible. "We found the most amazing egg donor and surrogate in San Diego, they helped make our dream of becoming dads come true!"

Little Skylar was born May 18 in San Diego via surrogate.

"Holding Skylar for the first time it felt like our whole world was suddenly complete! All we wanted to do is provide our baby girl with all the love and protection in the world. 💕"

Congrats to this new family of three from Fresno, California.

Congratulations to dads Stephen and Sean on their exciting news!

Stephen and his husband Sean are growing their family again with the help of their amazing surrogate who lives in Maine, Portland. "Our son Sawyer are super excited to spend time with our surrogate Brittany and her family," said Stephen. "We're looking forward to teaching Sawyer what it means to be a big brother and readying ourselves for the chaos and fun of having two kids in the house."

This will be the second surrogacy journey for the dads and they're beyond thrilled to grow their family.

Congratulations to dads JJ and Drew on welcoming their youngest daughter!

JJ and Drew have expanded their family for the second time through the foster care system, welcoming baby Eliza. She joins big sister Maya who is 2 years old.

"It felt so wonderful to hold her that from the moment we saw her we knew she's ours and we'll do anything to give her the life she deserves," said JJ. "Since we have used the foster system for our girls, there are ups and downs and a few surprises along the way. But we wouldn't trade it as it has brought us our family of four."

Maya is adjusting well to the role of big sister, and loves to hold Eliza or hold her hand at least. Congrats to this family in Irvine, California!

Congratulations to dads Ricky and Jeff on welcoming their daughter!

Ricky and Jeff were contacting by their son's bio mom when she found out she was pregnant again, and she wanted them to adopt the baby.

"We were fortunate enough to be able to experience the whole birthing with Kylie," said Ricky. "Holding her for the first time was the most amazing and emotional feeling you can ever experience."

"Kadyn is beginning to warm up to her," continued Jeff. "At first he pretty much just ignored her and didn't pay much attention to her. More recently he's given her more attention by pointing and saying "uh oh" if she begins to cry and has given her a couple of kisses on his own."

Congrats to this forever family of San Bernardino, California!

This post is sponsored by Circle Surrogacy

Circle was founded in 1995 on the belief that everyone should have the opportunity to be a parent. To this day, that belief is at the core of everything we do. For over 20 years we've helped straight and LGBTQ+ couples and singles around the world fulfill their dreams of parenthood. We've helped bring more than 1,900 babies into this world... and counting!

We're an agency comprised of social workers and lawyers, accountants and outreach associates, and program managers and coordinators; but, more importantly, we're an agency made up of parents, surrogates and egg donors, who are passionate about helping people build their families, and invested in each and every journey.

Circle is proud to have helped so many gay families achieve their dreams of becoming parents. Together, we make parenthood possible.®

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Gay Dad Family Stories

This European Couple Became Dads Through a U.K.-Based Surrogacy Program

Janno, from Estonia, and Matthias, from Belgium, were accepted into the "Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy" Program.

Janno Talu, an accountant, and Matthias Nijs, an art gallery director, were born in different parts of Europe. Janno, 39, is from Estonia, and Matthias, 28, is from Belgium. Their paths crossed when the two moved to London, each from their different corners of the European Union.

Janno relocated to London earlier than Matthias, when he was 24, and his main reason for the move was his sexuality. "Although Estonia is considered one of the more progressive countries in Eastern Europe, when it comes to gay rights, it is still decades behind Western society in terms of tolerance," said Janno. "And things are not moving in the right direction." In 2016, same-sex civil union became legal, but the junior party in the current coalition government is seeking to repeal the same-sex partnership bill. "In addition," Janno continued, "they wish to include the definition of marriage as a union between a man and a woman in the country's constitution. Even today, there are people in Estonia who liken homosexuality to pedophilia, which is why I decided to start a new life in the UK, where I could finally be myself."

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Personal Essays by Gay Dads

A Gay Dad Asks: Is Destroying an Embryo Similar to Abortion?

It's a question many LGBTQ parents using advanced fertility treatments will need to face — what to do with "left over" embryos.

Let me start off by saying that I have always been pro choice and support all laws that allow people to have full reproductive rights including safe and legal abortions. This is a complicated subject and not one that I ever thought I would really have to deal with on a personal level, especially being a gay man.

I remember a very heated discussion on abortion in my biology class back in university. I was young, idealistic and had very strong convictions about abortion. I was debating with a female classmate who was pro life. She felt there was no reason for an abortion ever, not even if raped by your own parent or sibling. I could not really understand her position, then or now. Don't get me wrong, I still don't agree with her, but now that I'm older and wiser, and also a parent, I have come to respect and accept opinions other than mine.

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Gay Dad Photo Essays

"Our Family Is Complete": Gay Men Celebrate Recent Adoptions and Births!

Join us in congratulating all of the men in our community whose families recently grew!

Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded in November and December a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

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Diary of a Newly Out Gay Dad

A Gay Chiropractor Explains Why He Came Out to His Patients

After Cameron Call, a chiropractor, came out to his family this past year, he knew he had one more step to take — he had to come out to his patients

Fear is an interesting thing. It motivates when it shouldn't, shows at inconvenient times, and is the author of stories that do nothing but hold us back. I would argue though, too, that fear has some good qualities. I believe it helps us to feel. And I think it can be a great teacher as we learn to recognize and face it.

For years fear prevented me from embracing my truth and accepting a large part of who I am. I know I am not alone in that regard. But for so long my fear convinced me that I was. Fear is what kept me from ever telling my parents or anyone growing up that I am gay. Fear mingled with strong religious teachings, embraced at a young age, which led me to believe that I could cure myself of my attractions to the same gender. And fear is a part of what kept me in my marriage to a woman for over ten years.

Only so much growth and learning can occur when we limit ourselves to our fears. If people never did anything they were afraid to do, life would be incredibly boring and far too predictable. At some point we must face the things we fear and just go for it not knowing what will happen next.

After finally coming out to my ex-wife after ten years of marriage (see previous articles for that story), and eventually telling my family I knew there was one more step I needed to make.

I am a business owner. I am a structural chiropractor and am highly specialized in my field. Nearly four years ago I opened my own clinic, Horizon Chiropractic Center, in Phoenix, Arizona. I poured my whole heart, body, and soul into the creation of my practice and its growth. Opening a business fresh out of school is no simple task and I worked hard to build my practice with close relationships and word of mouth referrals. I established myself as an expert and built a strong reputation as a family man, and my ex-wife and kids were the face of my practice.

I loved and do love every person who has ever come into my office and treat them like family. We laugh together during visits, celebrate wins, cry together, often hug, and cheer each other on regarding various things in our life. That's also a large part of who I am: a people person. I enjoy spending quality time with those I am privileged to help. No one comes in my office and only sees me for 2-5 minutes.

Even though there was so much good that I had built into my brand and reputation fear eventually found its way into my business too. I was afraid of what would happen if people found out the truth. Would they be okay with having a gay chiropractor? Would they still trust me to be able to help them? Of course, the story in my head I was telling myself was much bigger and badder than it needed to be.

When we decided to get a divorce, I felt strongly that I needed to face these fears and begin telling a number of patients the truth of what was happening in my life. I know in reality it is no one's business but my own. However, I felt like I needed to let my patients who had become like family to me truly see me for who I am, and who I always was. And so slowly, case by case, I began to tell a select number of people.

I'll never forget the first patient I told. She had been coming in for years and was bringing her son in to see me who is on the autism spectrum. It was the day after my ex-wife and I decided to get a divorce and she could tell something heavy was on my mind. I eventually came out to her. The first words out of her mouth were "I am so proud of you!" We cried and hugged and it was the complete opposite of what I ever expected. And it was perfect. I felt loved. I felt accepted. I felt seen.

As time went on it got easier. And overall the responses were all completely positive and supportive. Out of all the patients I told and those who found out from other circles, only three stopped coming in to see me. Since coming out, my office has grown tremendously. My reputation hasn't changed. If anything, it's solidified. I can't help but think that part of that is due to finally embracing all of me and allowing others the same opportunity.

I read somewhere once that you never really stop coming out of the closet. And I've noticed that too. Sure, not everyone needs to know; it isn't everyone's business. And I hope that one day we live in a time period where fear doesn't prevent anyone from being seen. I want to contribute to the upward trajectory I think our society is headed of understanding, acceptance, support, and equality.

I would love to be able to say that after coming out publicly I no longer feel fear; but I do. And I think in some ways I always will no matter what. But that's part of life, right? Recognizing fear when we have it but then choosing to move forward out of love – love for others, but maybe more importantly love for ourselves.

Personal Essays by Gay Dads

A Gay Dad Gains Clarity After a Health Scare

A recent health scare helped give Erik Alexander clarity.

Sometimes fear can cripple the mind and hinder ones judgement. Having children of my own, I have come to grips with accepting the things I cannot change and learned to take action when there is no other choice. When it comes to my own personal health, the future and well being of my family gives me all the clarity I need to make the right decision about any kind of health scare.

This episode is dedicated to all the parents out there that are going through or have gone through similar situations.

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Surrogacy for Gay Men

Interested in Surrogacy? Check Out These Bay Area Events This Weekend

If you're in the Bay Area this weekend, two major events are happening that will be of interest for dads-to-be and surrogacy advocates: the Men Having Babies San Francisco Conference, and the SF Advocacy and Research Forum for Surrogacy and LGBT Parenting (ARF)

If you're in San Francisco or the surrounding area, clear your calendar this weekend. Two events are happening simultaneously that are significant for dads-to-be AND surrogacy advocates: the Men Having Babies San Francisco Conference, and the SF Advocacy and Research Forum for Surrogacy and LGBT Parenting (ARF). For an outlines of both events, check out below.

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News

Gay Dads Show Up at Boston Event to Drown Out Anti-Trans Protesters

When Trystan Reese found out protesters were planning to show up to an event in Boston he was presenting at, he put out a call to his community for help — and gay dads showed up.

A couple months ago, Trystan Reese, a gay, trans dad based in Portland, Oregon, took to Instagram to share a moving, if incredibly concerning, experience. Reese, who works with Family Equality Council, was speaking at an event in Boston, and learned before his appearance that a group of protesters were planning to attend.

"As a trans person, I was terrified to be targeted by anti-LGBTQ people and experienced genuine fear for my own safety," Trystan wrote. In response, he did what many LGBTQ people would do in a similar situation — reach out to his community in Boston, and ask for their support. "And they came," he wrote. But it wasn't just anyone within the LGBTQ community that came to his defense, he emphasized — "you know who came? Gay men. Gay dads, to be exact. They came, ready to block people from coming in, ready to call building security, ready to protect me so I could lead my event. They did it without question and without reward. They did it because it was the right thing to do."

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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