Gay Dad Life

"Over the Moon": Congrats to Gay Dads on May Births and Adoptions!

Join us in congratulating all of the gay men in our community whose families grew in the Month of May!

Wishing all of these gay dads congratulations on their exciting news this month. From pregnancy announcements, to becoming first-time dads, congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

Circle Surrogacy is the proud sponsor of May's Congrats post. They were founded in 1995 on the belief that everyone should have the opportunity to be a parent. "For over 20 years we've helped LGBTQ+ couples and singles around the world fulfill their dreams of parenthood. We've helped bring more than 1,900 babies into this world... and counting!"


Congratulations to dads Gamaliel and Jimmy on the birth of their twins!

Gamaliel and his husband Jimmy welcomed twins, Alejandro and Anna, via surrogacy on April 1. The new family of four live in Miami, Florida and are immigrants from Venezuela and Dominican Republic.

"We became dads through an amazing woman from Colombia that honored us with being our surrogate!" shared Gamaliel. "We would love to speak to anyone who is interested in the process, and share this information. They can contact us. Holding our Princess and Prince for the first time was like falling in love for the first time ever! Never felt this type of love in our lives!"

Congratulations to this Floridian family!

Congratulations to dads Carlos and Oscar on the birth of their daughter!

Carlos and Oscar, both originally from Spain live in Germany and became dads via surrogacy in America. They've been together 8 years, and they always knew they wanted to be parents.

"We started our surrogacy journey 3 years in the US. Before that we had to investigate to feel good about the process. We thought the US regulations are fair and ethic," said Carlos.

"We were not so lucky with nature, our first embryos were not good and our doctor suggested also to change surrogate. That was hard since we have a good relationship with her. But April (their surrogate) was the best. We visited her in her 5th month of pregnancy and felt a big connection."

"We always thought we were going to have a boy but we didn't want to interfere nature. Sofia came into the world on April 2nd after a long natural labor ... seeing her hairy head coming out was incredible, we all had tears of happiness."

Congratulations to dads Matthew and Chip on the birth of their youngest son, Holden!

Dads Matthew and Chip have twin three year old sons, August and Sandon, and on May 6, their youngest Holden joined the family.

"We missed the birth of our twin sons, our surrogate had to undergo an emergency c-section so it was really important to us that we made the birth of our newest son," explained Matthew. "And even though he did come a week and a half early, we were able to book last minutes flights to make it to Portland in time for the birth."

"It was the most amazing experience witnessing our son's birth and to be able to be the first one to hold him after he was born. We were both overwhelmed with joy holding our new son for the first time knowing that our family was now complete. And of course there are no words to describe how grateful we are to our surrogate and her family for helping bring our new son into the world."

Congrats to this family from Omaha, Nebraska!

Congratulations to dads Richard and Stefan on the birth of their daughter!

Richard and Stefan returned to Oregon to work with their wonderful surrogate for a second time to complete their family.

"The pregnancy and birth went really smoothly. The support from the surrogate's family and friends was heartwarming," said Richard. Their daughter was born April 18th.

"We're over the moon that our daughter is so calm and healthy," shared Stefan. "She is now five weeks old and we've just returned to Germany, where we live. Her big brother is so sweet with her."

"We're the luckiest guys in the world!"

Congratulations to dads Matt and Joseph on the adoption of their daughter!

LA husbands Matt and Joseph had their adoption profile live for only 2.5 month before our daughter was born. "We got the call from our agency on April 19 saying that she was born at 6am that morning and that we were chosen by the birth parents to adopt her!" said Joseph. "The birth parents specifically asked for a gay couple."

"The first time we held her were were in complete shock! We were so happy and surprised," said Matt. "We kept asking ourselves "is this real?" How could this perfect little baby fall into our life's as if she was just dropped off by a stork or something. We instantly fell in love with her."

So far, life as dads of two is going relatively smoothly. "Couples that make their families through adoption have to fit nine months of planning into a short time," continued Matt. "We had one day, and I think we did a great job setting the house up for Stella." Matt added, "Baby #2 seems not as hectic as baby #1. We know what we are doing now, every piece isn't a completely new learning experience. But I will say, I completely forgot how hard the whole sleep thing is."

Congratulations to dads Stevey and Mika on the birth of their daughter!

After attending a Men Having Babies conference in January 2018 in San Francisco Stevey and Mika wanted to get our journey to fatherhood started as soon as possible. "We found the most amazing egg donor and surrogate in San Diego, they helped make our dream of becoming dads come true!"

Little Skylar was born May 18 in San Diego via surrogate.

"Holding Skylar for the first time it felt like our whole world was suddenly complete! All we wanted to do is provide our baby girl with all the love and protection in the world. 💕"

Congrats to this new family of three from Fresno, California.

Congratulations to dads Stephen and Sean on their exciting news!

Stephen and his husband Sean are growing their family again with the help of their amazing surrogate who lives in Maine, Portland. "Our son Sawyer are super excited to spend time with our surrogate Brittany and her family," said Stephen. "We're looking forward to teaching Sawyer what it means to be a big brother and readying ourselves for the chaos and fun of having two kids in the house."

This will be the second surrogacy journey for the dads and they're beyond thrilled to grow their family.

Congratulations to dads JJ and Drew on welcoming their youngest daughter!

JJ and Drew have expanded their family for the second time through the foster care system, welcoming baby Eliza. She joins big sister Maya who is 2 years old.

"It felt so wonderful to hold her that from the moment we saw her we knew she's ours and we'll do anything to give her the life she deserves," said JJ. "Since we have used the foster system for our girls, there are ups and downs and a few surprises along the way. But we wouldn't trade it as it has brought us our family of four."

Maya is adjusting well to the role of big sister, and loves to hold Eliza or hold her hand at least. Congrats to this family in Irvine, California!

Congratulations to dads Ricky and Jeff on welcoming their daughter!

Ricky and Jeff were contacting by their son's bio mom when she found out she was pregnant again, and she wanted them to adopt the baby.

"We were fortunate enough to be able to experience the whole birthing with Kylie," said Ricky. "Holding her for the first time was the most amazing and emotional feeling you can ever experience."

"Kadyn is beginning to warm up to her," continued Jeff. "At first he pretty much just ignored her and didn't pay much attention to her. More recently he's given her more attention by pointing and saying "uh oh" if she begins to cry and has given her a couple of kisses on his own."

Congrats to this forever family of San Bernardino, California!

This post is sponsored by Circle Surrogacy

Circle was founded in 1995 on the belief that everyone should have the opportunity to be a parent. To this day, that belief is at the core of everything we do. For over 20 years we've helped straight and LGBTQ+ couples and singles around the world fulfill their dreams of parenthood. We've helped bring more than 1,900 babies into this world... and counting!

We're an agency comprised of social workers and lawyers, accountants and outreach associates, and program managers and coordinators; but, more importantly, we're an agency made up of parents, surrogates and egg donors, who are passionate about helping people build their families, and invested in each and every journey.

Circle is proud to have helped so many gay families achieve their dreams of becoming parents. Together, we make parenthood possible.®

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Gay Dad Life

Broadway Performer's Surrogacy Journey Briefly Sidetracked — for One Very 'Wicked' Reason

"Broadway Husbands" Stephen and Bret explain the exciting reasons they had to hit pause on their surrogacy journey — but don't worry, they're back on track!

In the latest video of the Broadway Husbands sharing their path to fatherhood, Stephen and Bret explain their hiatus for the past 4 months. The couple have big news to share including a relocation, a job announcement, and the fact that they're getting ready to restart their journey (which they had to take a brief pause from since September).

Watch their video to find out their latest news.

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News

Gay Dads Told One Must Identify as 'Mother' to Enroll in Daycare

The Israeli gay dads told one must identify as mother — like a "normal couple" — in order to receive financial assistance for daycare.

Israeli dads Guy Sadak Shoham and Chai Aviv Shoham were trying to enroll their two-year-old twins in daycare when they were told by a government official that one would need to identify as the "mother" in order to be cleared.

According to Out Magazine, the couple was attempting to apply for financial aid to help pay for the costs of preschool when a government bureaucrat called them to discuss their eligibility.

"I understand that you are both fathers and understand that you both run a shared household, but there is always the one who is more dominant, who is more the mother," the government said, according to an interview on the Israel site Ynet (translated by Out Magazine). "I am just asking for a written statement in your hand which of you is the mother. From the point of view of the work, which works less than the father. Like a normal couple."

The official, apparently, said she was beholden to rules set for in the Ministry of Economy.

"It is mostly sad and a little disturbing," one of the dads told Ynet. "These are concepts that we consider the past. We do not necessarily come up with allegations against this representative, she is ultimately subject to the guidelines and as she said, they are the state. It is also sad that the state's definition of a mother is someone who works less and is at home with the children, and that we must choose which of us meets that definition."

The Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs, fortunately, issued an apology following the incident, and promised to update its protocols. "We will emphasize that the Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs practices explicitly treat all types of families and grant equal rights to all," the ministry wrote in a statement, an apology that was called "insufficient" by Ohad Hizki, the director-general of the National LGBT Task Force.

"The Ministry of Labor and Welfare must sharpen its procedures immediately to prevent recurrence of cases of this kind, as other public organizations have been able to do," he said.

Read more about this story on Out Magazine.

Change the World

'Homosexuality is Wrong' Utah Teacher Tells Boy Who Gave Thanks for His Two Adoptive Dads

The substitute teacher went on to say two men living together is "sinful." She was fired shortly after.

To anyone with a heart, the moment should have done nothing more than bring a tear to the eye. Last week, just before the Thanksgiving break, a substitute teacher in a fifth grade class in Cedar Hills, Utah — just south of Salt Lake City — asked her students to name something they were thankful for this holiday season.

"I'm thankful for finally being adopted by my two dads," said Daniel, one of the boys, when it was his turn.

Rather than grab a tissue to dab her eyes, or ask the classroom to join her in a hearty round of applause to celebrate Daniel finding his forever family, the teacher took it upon herself to impart her personal religious beliefs onto the young boy. "Homosexuality is wrong," the teacher said in front of the class, adding that it was "sinful" for two men to live together.

The teacher, fortunately, was fired from Kelly Services, the substitute staffing company that employed her, quickly after the incident, but the moment is nonetheless receiving widespread attention in the press — no doubt in part because one of the boy's dads, Louis van Amstel of "Dancing With the Stars," posted a video clip to his 76,000 Twitter followers with the title: "Our child was bullied."

"It shouldn't matter if you're gay, straight, bisexual, black and white," he said to the New York Times in a follow up interview. "If you're adopting a child and if that child goes to a public school, that teacher should not share her opinion about what she thinks we do in our private life."

Louis also revealed that the moment may not have come to light were it not for three of his son's classmates, who told the principal about the teacher's bigoted comments. His son, Daniel, didn't want to report the incident for fear of getting the teacher into trouble.

Louis expressed thanks that the staffing company responded as quickly as it did following the incident — and also stressed that his neighbors and community have rallied behind he and his family in the days afterward, offering support. He wanted to dispel stereotypes that Utah, because of its social conservatism and religiosity, was somehow inherently prejudiced.

"It doesn't mean that all of Utah is now bad," he told the Times. "This is one person."

It's also true that this type of prejudice is in no way limited to so-called red states, and incidents like these happen daily. LGBTQ parents and our children are subjected to homophobic and transphobic comments in schools, hospitals, stores, airlines and elsewhere as we simply go about living our lives. These moments so often fly under the radar — many classmates don't have the courage, as they fortunately did in this case, to report wrongdoing. Some administrators are far less responsive than they were here — and most of us don't have 76,000 Twitter followers to help make these moments of homophobia a national story.

All that aside, let's also get back to what should have been nothing more than a heartwarming moment — Daniel, a fifth grade boy, giving thanks to finally being legally adopted into a loving family.

Diary of a Newly Out Gay Dad

A Newly Out Gay Dad Feels 'Demoted' After Divorce

Cameron Call showed up to his first family Thanksgiving since coming out and getting a divorce — and struggles to find himself "stuck with the singles."

Cameron Call, who came out in summer 2019, has generously agreed to chronicle his coming out journey for Gays With Kids over the next several months — the highs, lows and everything in between. Read his first article here.

Denial is an interesting thing. It's easy to think you're potentially above it, avoiding it, assume it doesn't apply to you because you'd NEVER do that, or maybe you're just simply avoiding it altogether. After finally coming out, I liked to think that I was done denying anything from now on. But unfortunately that's not the case.

And this fact became very clear to me over Thanksgiving.

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Resources

New Report Details the 'Price of Parenthood' for LGBTQ People

A new report by the Family Equality Council takes a deep dive into the current state of cost for becoming a parent as an LGBTQ person

Parenthood is expensive. But parenthood while queer is still prohibitively costly for so many segments of the LGBTQ community interested in pursuing a family, according to a new repot by the Family Equality Council, titled, "Building LGBTQ+ Families: The Price of Parenthood."

Among the more interesting findings was this one: the cost of family planning is relatively similar for all LGBTQ people, regardless of income level. This shows "that the desire to have children exists regardless of financial security," the report's authors conclude.

Research for the report was conducted through an online survey of 500 LGBTQ adults over the age of 18, and was conducted between July 11-18, 2018. For comparison, the survey also included 1,004 adults who did not identify as LGBTQ.

Other interesting findings of the report include:

  • 29% of all LGBTQ+ respondents reported an annual household income under $25,000 compared to 22% of non-LGBTQ+ respondents.
  • 33% of black LGBTQ+ respondents, 32% of female-identified LGBTQ+ respondents, and 31% of trans/gender non-conforming LGBTQ+ respondents reported annual household incomes below $25,000.
  • Respondents for this survey were selected from among those who have volunteered to participate in online surveys and polls. All sample surveys and polls may be subject to multiple sources of error, including, but not limited to sampling error, coverage error, error associated with nonresponse, and error associated with question-wording and response options.29% of all LGBTQ+ respondents reported an annual household income under $25,000 compared to 22% of non-LGBTQ+ respondents.
  • 33% of black LGBTQ+ respondents, 32% of female-identified LGBTQ+ respondents, and 31% of trans/gender non-conforming LGBTQ+ respondents reported annual household incomes below $25,000.
  • Regardless of annual household income, 45-53% of LGBTQ+ millennials are planning to become parents for the first time or add another child to their family. Those making less than $25,000 a year are considering becoming parents at very similar rates as those making over $100,000.
  • Data from the Family Building Survey reveals that LGBTQ+ households making over $100,000 annually are considering the full range of paths to parenthood, from surrogacy and private adoption to foster care and IVF. The most popular options under consideration in this income bracket are private adoption (74% are considering), foster care (42%), and IVF or reciprocal IVF (21%). At the other end of the economic spectrum, for LGBTQ+ individuals in households making less than $25,000 annually, the most commonly considered paths to parenthood are intercourse (35% are considering), foster care (30%), and adoption (23%).

What to Buy

A Gift Guide for LGBTQ Inclusive Children's Books

Need some ideas for good LGBTQ-inclusive children's books? Look no further than our gift guide!

Every year we see more books released that feature our families, and we're here for it! We're especially excited for the day when diverse and LGBTQ+ inclusive books are less of "the odd one out" and rather considered part of every kids' everyday literacy.

To help us reach that day, we need to keep supporting our community and allies who write these stories. So here's a list of some of the great books that need to be in your library, and gifts to the other kids in your lives.

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Gay Dad Family Stories

These Gay Dads Lost Everything After Hurricane Dorian — Except Hope

The couple, who live in "Hope Town" in the Bahamas, lost everything after suffering a direct hit from Hurricane Dorian this past summer.

Max Bethel-Jones, 52, had traveled to more than 120 countries over the last 30 years working with the United Nations, but had never been to the Bahamas — in 2015, he decided to apply for a private teaching job as a special needs teacher in Freeport on the island of Grand Bahama.

Just weeks after his arrival, he'd get a whole lot more than another pin in his map of visited countries when he attended a social event at Freeport Rugby. "My object was to ogle the local male talent but several women had other ideas," he said. One woman was particularly insistent, he said, but after a couple of drinks she got the hint that he batted for the other rugby team. "She promptly told me there was someone I should meet."

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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