How to Involve Kids in a Gay Wedding

Getting your kids involved on your wedding day is one way to make that special day even more memorable. It’s a day that signifies two individuals or two families coming together as one. What better way to celebrate that than to include them in the planning stages or the day itself?

Involving your kids in your gay wedding

There’s a limitless list of ideas to consider when it comes to involving your kids in your big day, but we’ve compiled some of the most important. Here are four ideas on how to include your kids in your gay wedding.

Include Them in The Planning

It’s usually up to the grooms to plan their wedding day, but it doesn’t have to be! If you’re having trouble deciding on a color scheme or a cake flavor, the opinion of your child can help. Plus, having their input is a wholesome way of making the wedding a true family affair.

In some wedding arrangements, if two individuals who already had kids separately are being wed, their children can potentially go through certain emotions about having an ‘outsider’ join the family. Including your kids in the planning is a way to honor the children you had as part of a previous relationship and make sure they feel as important as the person joining the family.

Bring Them to The Cake Tasting

Are you and your husband-to-be split on wedding cake flavor? Can’t decide between classic vanilla or chocolate, orange and lemon or funfetti? Get a third opinion!

cake tasting with the kids

The good thing about children is they’re usually pretty upfront with things they dislike, so you’ll get the most honest opinion about what works and what doesn’t. Plus, cake tasting as a family? We can’t think of a better bonding opportunity.

Get Their Help With the Menu

As we mentioned, children have their own strong opinions on food and flavors. When crafting a menu for your wedding, choosing what food the children in attendance are eating can be difficult. But having your kids help you decide will make the job a whole lot easier.

Some weddings hire bespoke bartenders to help them create a unique cocktail for the affair, so why not develop an alcohol-free one for your children and the other young ones who arrive? Mocktails can be just as tasty!

Have Them Perform at The Wedding

Do you have older children who are particularly talented musicians or singers? You could showcase that talent at some point during your special day. It would be especially sentimental if they performed while you had your first dance. 

If they happen to be interested in poetry, why not encourage them to write a poem and read out for you both when it’s time for the toasts? Moments like this create memories that you’ll cherish forever.

Roles for Children On The Day

Depending on the format of your wedding and the venue you’re at, you may want to include your children in some of the important roles. For example, consider the following:

  • Reader: Readers recite a passage about love or marriage at some point in the ceremony. It could be a passage you love or one you’ve picked out as a family.
  • Usher: Ushers are important roles, helping guests to their seats and passing out programs. It’s great to see your child having such responsibility on this important occasion.
  • Groom escort: You could choose the traditional walking down the aisle but as a complete family. This means walking with your child or children as escorts. They can take this role to the next level by scattering flower petals as they go - a beautiful and more eco-friendly alternative to confetti.
  • Ring bearer: The ring bearer can be a fantastic role for younger children. Plus, they’ll look adorable carrying those important matrimonial bands.

roles for the kids during the wedding

Give Them a ‘Morning-Of’ Gift

Wedding morning gifts are traditionally reserved for those getting married. They’re usually little trinkets, food baskets or personalized gifts - small things that have a lot of thought behind them. For example, you can give your husband-to-be a basket of his favorite food and drink or even just a bottle of his favorite scent.

This can be extended to your children too. It’s especially poignant if the child is being welcomed into a new family, where personalized gifts can make them feel all the more cared for. 

It also might be a good way to placate and distract smaller children who might be missing the attention of their dads while the two of you are in the ceremony or talking to friends and family. 

Take Family Photographs In Unique Ways

Wedding photos are something that you cherish forever. And what better way to remember that special day then by including your full family in the photos? There will be the usual family photos that can be quite formal, but you can also include your kids in some really unique ways. 

Some photos can be funny, some can be heartwarming. Whatever you choose, including your children is the perfect way to make the photos unforgettable. How about a human pyramid? Alternatively, you could even recreate the famous Beatles’ Abbey Road photograph. The quirkier, the more kids will love it. 

First of all, it’s wise to choose a wedding photographer who’s had the experience of shooting families (or even better, same-sex families) in wedding photos, rather than the traditional bride and groom.

Now, take some time to figure out how you want your wedding photos to look. Is your child still a baby? Then close-up shots of the two of you holding your child close can be a powerful representation of familial love. 

Some couples have chosen to do hand-fasting ceremonies, a symbolic ritual where your hands are loosely bound with a fabric of ribbon of your choosing. These look fantastic in wedding photographs.


One way to make this special is to bind your hands with your child’s favorite blanket. It’s just another way to show your commitment to each other and your child. It’s also a great way of getting babies involved in the ceremony, even though they might be asleep. 

How about if you’ve got a range of ages? This is the perfect opportunity for some creativity. You could stage a shot with your kids holding up an empty picture frame with the two of you stood a few meters away. When you get the shot lined up, the two of you will be lovingly framed. After all, you’re the ones getting hitched!

Family Wedding Cakes

Traditionally, wedding cakes have little figures of the two people getting married. Now, if you want to include more of your family, you can add to the two grooms sitting atop the cake and talk to your cake supplier about including small figures to represent your children.

Try having them perched on different tiers of the cake for a more relaxed feel. The kids will love eating edible versions of themselves (plus, they look fabulous in photographs!). 

Child-Friendly Unity Rituals

Unity rituals are really unique ways of tying the knot and there are many different types. For example, there are sand unity rituals, where the couple will mix two different colored sands in a glass vase, to represent that their two lives are now one. There are also water unity rituals that revolve around the same principle, but uses colored water instead of sand.

If you decide on a unity ritual, you can make it fun for the children by each choosing a color of sand or water. Even better, why not each choose a favorite sweet or candy to add to a jar? It’s a delicious way to represent several individuals coming together as a family.

Dance Ideas

Dances, such as the first dance, are some of the most romantic or celebratory parts of a wedding. From expertly-choreographed dances to the classic ‘dad’ dances, each one is unique and a definite moment to remember - even if you’re not a great dancer.

It can be a good idea to involve your children in the dance at some point. You can invite them to join you after some time alone on the dance floor or you could even go the extra mile and choreograph a full family dance. Two dads and their children representing the familial bond by dancing in unison? There’s nothing more heartwarming to see.

Similarly, if you’re celebrating with a Jewish wedding and it’s time for the horah, you could ask that your children are lifted on chairs as well. After all, for them, this day represents the growing of their family and is as much their celebration as it is yours.

How did you involve your children on this momentous occasion? Have you been inspired by other gay, bi or trans couples involving their kids in special ways? Whichever it is, get in touch with your ideas or experiences, we’d love to hear from you!

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