Gay Dad Life

Kyle and Stephen’s Never-Ending Love for Their Daughter Alex

Stephen and Kyle, together 16 years, have always wanted to be dads. The two met working at Burger King, and were married August 10, 2011.

They created their family through open adoption with the assistance of the Independent Adoption Center. Their daughter Alex was born August 17, 2016, at 8:29 a.m. The new dads brought their daughter home to New Paltz, New York, a few days later, on August 20.

On his experience of being a new dad, Stephen shared: "We wake up each day with the realization that we've been given a tremendous gift and responsibility in parenting. Love unconditionally and wholeheartedly!"

Stephen (left) and Kyle holding Alex

Stephen, 39, and Kyle, 35, are quick to admit that the first month left them sleep-deprived, but they soon learned a lot and became much more familiar with Alex’s needs and requirements.

"Looking back," said Stephen, "I think we were still in shock that we were all of a sudden parents and excited about the new challenge of waking up in the middle of the night. We craved those first moments for so long and now that they were here, we embraced all of it: late night feedings, the crazy inconsolable cries, the figuring-out-all-of-the-things-to-figure-out without any sense of it.”

Alex needed to be fed every three hours for the first month, and even though the dads had been warned of this by friends and family, they didn't quite comprehend what they were in for.

“I think we didn’t realize [...] this very simple basic parenting fact: Alex needs to eat every three hours! We laugh about it now how we were in such denial about that. Ha!"

Alex has proved to be very easy baby overall, with Stephen and Kyle's family both observing how well she eats and sleeps. She is now three months old, and sleeps for six to seven hours every night.

Both dads are lucky to be home from work at present, enjoying their family time with Alex. They know how lucky they are to have the ability to do this, and they also know how important it is. When they do head back to work, they will rely on nearby family and an excellent daycare at Stephen's work.

Stephen holding Alex

Gays With Kids: What has surprised you the most about fatherhood?

Stephen and Kyle: How fragile and amazing life is. Also how full of life babies are as newborns. It really puts everything into perspective. Alex is a totally amazing gift to us and we feel so incredibly privileged to parent our amazing girl who is so full of life.

Gays With Kids: Is there anything that hasn’t surprised you about fatherhood?

StephenInstant love and watching my husband parent her. It is just as I imagined. He is an amazing, caring and protective dad, just as I imagined.

Kyle holding Alex

Gays With Kids: As dads to a newborn, is there anything you could not live without?

Stephen and Kyle: Alex’s smile and kissing those amazing cheeks.

Gays With Kids: What have been some of your most precious moments as dads?

Stephen: Waking up to morning smiles (it happens EVERYDAY!) and when she is sleepy, she nuzzles her head right in my nook. :) And when she first laughed at daddy Kyle making funny noises. We have it on video! (asking for video)

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Gay Dad Life

Cooking with Kids: An Interview with David Burtka

David Burtka sits down with us to talk about his new book "Life is a Party."

When you're a young couple it's easy to order in or dine out on a daily basis, but when the kids come along, spending time in the kitchen to prepare nutritious and healthy meals for them can become a problem for some dads. We turned to gay dad and celebrity chef David Burtka who just published his debut recipe book Life is a Party, to get some advice, inspiration, and support as we take our baby steps in the kitchen.

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"It's been one hell of a ride since the beginning," said 26-year-old Steve Argyrakis, Canadian dad of one. He was 19 when he found out he was going to be a dad and the mom was already several months along in her pregnancy. Steve, who lives in Montreal, was struggling with his homosexuality but wanted to do the "right thing," so he continued to suppress his authentic self. "I was so scared about the future and about my own happiness, that I had put aside my homosexuality once again."

A couple of months later, little Gabriel was born, and it was love at first sight.

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Who rocks some sweet moves to Kelly Clarkson?

Who sings along with their kids in the car?

Who breaks it down with a baby strapped to them in a carrier?

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Daughter of Married Gay Couple Who Used Surrogacy Abroad Isn't Citizen, Says U.S. State Department

A decades-old law can be used to discriminate against gay couples who use surrogacy abroad.

James Derek Mize and his husband Jonathan Gregg are both American citizens, but their daughter, born via a surrogate, may not be, at least according to the U.S. State Department.

The New York Times took an in-depth look at this case in a piece that ran in the paper yesterday. While James was born and raised in the U.S, his husband Jonathan was originally born in Britain. That may be enough, according to the State Department, to deny their daughter citizenship.

"We're both Americans; we're married," James told the New York Times. "We just found it really hard to believe that we could have a child that wouldn't be able to be in our country."

According to decades-old immigration law, a child born abroad must have a biological connection to a parent that is a U.S. citizen in order to be eligible to receive citizenship upon birth. Children born via surrogacy are determined to be "out of wedlock," according to the Times report," which then requires a more onerous process to qualify for citizenship, such as demonstrating that a biological parent is not only an American citizen, but has spent at least five years in the country.

The intent of the law, which dates back to the 1950s, was to prevent people from claiming, falsely, that they are the children of U.S. parents. But LGBTQ advocates argue this archaic policy is being used intentionally to discriminates against same-sex couples, who often have to rely on donors, IVF and surrogacy in order to have biologically children, and are thus held to a higher standard.

"This is where our life is. This is where our jobs are," James told the Times. "Our daughter can't be here, but she has no one else to care for her."

Read the whole story here.


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How two real New-Yorkers became two soft-hearted dads

This article is part of our family feature series with Circle Surrogacy, a surrogacy agency that has been helping LGBTQ+ singles and couples realize their dream of parenthood for the past 20 years.

Byron and Matthew Slosar, both 41, met ten years ago at one of New York City's Equinox gyms. "I asked him for a spot on the bench press," smiled Byron. The couple were married September 22, 2012.

Surrogacy was always the way Byron and Matthew wanted to become parents. They chose to wait and become dads later in life, until they had established careers and the financial means to pursue their chosen path.

They signed with Circle Surrogacy after interviewing a few agencies. "We immediately connected with their entire staff, particularly Anne Watson who lovingly dealt with my healthy neuroses on the daily for 1.5 years," said Byron. "They definitely personalized the service and helped us understand all 2,000 moving parts." The dads-to-be were also very impressed with how much emotional support they received from Circle.

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