Gay Dad Life

#SingleGayDadSunday: Jatin Modi

In 2007 Jatin, now 36 years old, moved from London to New York City and it was then that he started thinking about fatherhood. “I started to notice all these guys with children,” said Jatin. “And I was fascinated as to where they were all coming from.” As only altruistic surrogacy is legal in the United Kingdom, Jatin hadn’t given much thought to American-style (commercial) surrogacy until after his move to the United States.

Although he was single and was hoping to meet someone to share his life, and a child, he didn’t want to wait around to become a dad. So in 2009 he began to investigate his options for surrogacy, first focusing on California. Deterred by the price, he then looked to India. In 2011, a three-month work trip stationed him in Bombay, so he was able to continue his research in-person. He came home from India planning to return in January 2013 to begin his surrogacy process. Unfortunately, India stopped commercial surrogacy for singles before then. Jatin hoped for a change in the law, but when nothing had changed by December 2013, he decided he needed to come up with a new plan.

Re-evaluating his options, he embarked on a surrogacy plan in the United States. More determined than ever, in 2014 he found an egg donor and a gestational carrier. By June of that year his carrier was pregnant and his adorable daughter Anjali was born on February 23, 2015.

September, 2015

Gays With Kids: What is your biggest challenge as a father?


Jatin: I work long hours for an investment bank, so the biggest challenge for me is learning to manage a work and home life balance, which is even more important for me because I’m a single parent.

Gays With Kids: Work and home life balance is a challenge for most dads! How do you do it?

Jatin: I'm an Excel nerd, everything is done with as much planning as possible. Anjali is on a schedule, which greatly helps me balance my life.

October 2015

Gays With Kids: What kind of support do you have?

Jatin: I use daycare and a nanny. Also, my parents visit from London when they can and they're great help! I have also been pleasantly surprised how helpful people have been, the novelty did not vanish after three months but it has grown. Friends come over and we have more nights in, so I have been very grateful to my friends for not excluding me and still making me feel part of the group

Gays With Kids: We've talked about work and parenting balance, but how about making time for yourself? Are you dating?

Jatin: It's really hard to make time for myself, but I wouldn't change my life for the world! And Anjali has actually been a great way to meet guys by chance as she's an ice-breaker in the park, coffee shop, etc. I'm dating a few guys when I can, but nothing serious.

January 2016

Gays With Kids: Please describe the perfect family day with your daughter.

Jatin: I love brunch with her, and she's very restaurant-friendly. I am Hindu, so on our perfect day we go to temple first and follow that up with a good lunch. 

Gays With Kids: What lessons has fatherhood taught you?

Jatin: That I need to be more patient. I have learnt how to adapt, and after having a baby on my own I know I can take on any new challenges life will throw my way.

March 2015

Gays With Kids: Please share any advice you may have for others both for surrogacy and being a single dad.

Jatin: It is hard work! Make sure you have a good support network and money in the bank to throw at whatever unexpected situation may arise. Once you are a dad, grandparents and other close family members (and money) will surely help.  It is very important to establish a good friends support network beforehand as only then friends will be help – I was very lucky like that!

 

Show Comments ()
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

Just Like Dad: Ways My Kids and I Are Alike

Joseph Sadusky recounts the ways he and his adopted sons are cut from the same cloth.

Editor's Note: This is the third in a series of excerpts from Joseph Sadusky's new book, Magic Lessons: Celebratory and Cautionary Tales about Life as a (Single, Gay, Transracially Adoptive) Dad. The book contains many stories about my life as a dad, as well as lessons learned, and we're excited to share several excerpts from the the book over the course of the next few months. Read previous installments here!

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Dad Life

10 of Our Most Popular Posts Featuring Single Gay Dads

Happy Single Parent's Day! To celebrate, we rounded up some of our most popular articles featuring single gay dads.

Did you know March 21st is Single Parents Day? Well now you do, and you should mark the occasion by checking out our round up of some of our most popular articles featuring single gay dads!

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Dad Life

What's Life Like as a Single Gay Dad? These Guys Sound Off

We checked in with some of the single gay dads in our community to see what life is like while parenting solo

March 21st is Single Parents Day! To celebrate, we checked in with some single gay men in our community to sound off on what life is like while parenting solo — the good, the challening and everything in between.

Keep reading... Show less
Expert Advice

4 Tips for Single Gay Dads Raising Daughters

Here are some ways to create a safe space for your daughter to discover who she is, with you by her side.

There's nothing quite like father-daughter relationships, and when it comes to single dads, your little girl likely holds a very special place in your heart. From the moment she's born, it's as if you can see every moment of her life in front of you, from her first steps to walking her down the aisle at her wedding. You'll be the first man she'll know and talk to, and you'll be her biggest example of what a loving man looks like. She'll come to you for advice on how to navigate challenges, be independent, treat others and grow into herself.

Your relationship with your daughter may be shaped by your personal history, whether you've been through a difficult divorce or breakup, you've transitioned out of a straight relationship, or you made the courageous decision to pursue surrogacy on your own. Whatever your situation is, studies have shown that children with involved fathers excel more in school and have fewer behavioral issues in adolescence.

Keep reading... Show less
Change the World

After Suffering a Violent Homophobic Attack, This Gay Dad Turned to Advocacy

After Rene suffered a brutal homophobic attack that left him hospitalized, he and his family have turned to advocacy to heal

Guest post written by Rene and Nejc

We are Rene (35) and Nejc (29) and we come from Slovenia, Europe. I was an avid athlete, a Judoist, but now I am an LGBT activist and Nejc is a writer, who published a gay autobiography called Prepovedano. He was also a participant in a reality show in Slovenia (Bar) and he is an LGBT activist too. Nejc and I met by a mere coincidence on Facebook, and already after the first phone call we realized that we are made for each other. Nejc and I have been together as couple almost one year. We think we have been joined by some energy, as we have both experienced a lot of bad things with previous relationships and now we wish to create and shape our common path.

Keep reading... Show less
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

How to Survive a Midlife Crisis (A Guide for Gay Dads)

Turns out David Blacker is, in fact, experiencing a midlife crisis — according to the very official results of a Buzzfeed quiz

Today I took one of those Buzzfeed-like quizzes to determine whether or not I am having a midlife crisis. I know what you're thinking. How can 29 be considered mid-life? God bless you, but I'm actually 35. Fine, 41. The Buzzfeed results — granted, we're not talking a true clinical assessment here — implied that I am, in fact, showing symptoms of a midlife crisis. But instead of shopping for a new sports car, I'm looking around for something else.

Problem is, I don't quite know what that is yet.

Keep reading... Show less

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse