Gay Dad Life

Interfaith Gay Dads Find Joy in Chrismukkah

Sometime shortly after sunset, our family will gather around the dinner table to light the first candles on each of our Menorahs. Led by an authoritative and pleasant voice on our Hanukkah app that also keeps track of which night of Hanukkah we're celebrating, we'll recite the Hebrew prayer that accompanies the candle lighting.

After a round of "Happy Hanukkahs" and kisses for the kids, we'll instruct Levi, Sadie and Ella to select one present each from among those lying on the floor under our Christmas tree and marked with their names. While there are always more gifts than we’d prefer, the truth is most don't come from me and Ferd, but instead from loving family and friends who tend to ignore or resist our pleas to limit the number of toys our kids get.

The gifts they open tonight will be their "first night" gifts, and we've found that the process of choosing which present to open first tends to be the most exciting part of the whole gift-giving experience for them.

Brian with his three kids

With the kids still pre-occupied on the task of unwrapping their presents, Ferd (my non-Jewish husband) will put out the platter of his delicious made-from-scratch potato latkes that always bring me back to my own childhood watching my great-grandmother standing over her cast-iron stove doing what she loved doing most: feeding her family.

Before getting the kids off to bed, we'll put out a bowl of milk and a plate of fresh-baked cookies for Santa and his reindeer to snack on. Every year the kids tell us they'll stay up waiting for Santa, but the excitement and anticipation somehow works against them, and they always fall asleep soon after settling into bed.

On Christmas morning the kids will invariably wake before us, but they're under strict instructions not to open any gift before we've joined them. In addition to more gift openings, we all look forward to Ferd’s Christmas breakfast treats reminiscent of his Dutch childhood.

Having been together for almost 25 years, Ferd and I started blending our holidays a long time ago. We used to be more relaxed about how we spent them. Since becoming dads, we are much more focused on celebrating holidays that hold special meaning for us. We've been creating new traditions around these holidays that I hope will stay with our kids well into their adult lives.


To show how other interfaith dads celebrate the holidays and what new traditions they create for their own families, we’ve asked a few other gay dad couples to tell their stories.

Shane, 38, grew up Catholic. After meeting Phillip, he became fascinated with the Jewish faith.

Shane lighting the menorah with Dahlia

The dads feel it’s important that the family celebrates both holidays as a way to give the kids a sense of their family roots. Dahlia, 3, and Laydon, 1½, each have their own menorah that the dads help them light each night of Hanukkah. They also picked out a small tree just for the kids to decorate.

The family enjoys reading Hanukkah and Christmas books throughout the holiday season, and they even alternate between listening to Hanukkah and Christmas stations on XM radio. As the dads explained to us, their home is spiritual, and they are purposely exposing their children to different ideas about religion to help them form their own opinions when they get older.

Philip and Dahlia


Robbie is Jewish and has celebrated Hanukkah all his life. He remembers celebrating Christmas until he was about 6, but explains that it was really because of his mom's fondness for the holiday decor.

Allen has always celebrated Christmas. When the guys became a couple in 2008 they simply celebrated the combined list of holidays from both of their backgrounds. Still, the dads are quick to point out that holidays for them are more about family than any religious practice.

Robbie and Allen with Santa and Dylan

The dads have referred to the celebration of the two holidays as Chrimukkah for several years, and they enjoy celebrating with family and friends.  They throw an annual holiday party and host Christmas Day for family and close friends. They both love to cook and bake, so everything they serve is homemade.

Dylan is getting into cooking too and loves to help pour, mix, and stir. ("Dylan do that!" "Dylan do it!"). The house is decked out with a modern tree and garland and a menorah. Dylan loves the ornaments and the lights.


Toronto dads B.J. and Frankie created this video to share their plans for celebrating Chrismukkah with their son Milo.


Show Comments ()
Gay Dad Life

8 Ways for Dads to Find Work/Life Balance

Finding work/life balance is hard enough... but can be even harder for gay dads.

Having kids is an amazing part of life, and it should be fun. Life does tend to get in the way sometimes, and one huge aspect of that is work. Striking that balance between work and home life is tough. If you both work it's even harder.

And if you're a gay couple, it can have it's own set of problems above and beyond the standard work-life issues that people face. Recently, the Harvard Business Review conducted a study that focused specifically on the experiences of same-sex couples who wanted to make moves towards a work/life balance.

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Dad Life

'NolaPapa' Launches YouTube Channel: Story of a Gay Dad

Check out Erik Alexander's new YouTune Channel: Story of a Gay Dad

When we first found out that our second daughter was African American I froze. Not because of her race, but because I knew NOTHING about African American hair. So I frantically tried to learn as much as I could while she was a newborn so I was ready to style it when she was a little older.

I decided to launch our YouTube channel Nolapapa: Story of a Gay Dad to focus on this very topic! Episodes 1-5 will solely be dedicated to learning how to wash, care for and styling African American hair. Afterwards, the content will shift towards personal & family situations, adoption, gay parenting questions and other great content! I'd love your support and become part of our little village as we launch this new project!

Sending Nola love to each of ya!

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Dad Life

Encouraged by His Son, Single Dad Richard Started Dating Again — and Just Got Married!

After his 14 year relationship ended, Richard got a gentle push into the dating pool from an unexpected source — his son!

In 2014, Richard Rothman's relationship of 15 years ended, leaving him understandably reluctant to jump back into the world of dating as a single gay dad. But after spending one too many Friday nights at home, he got a gentle nudge from somebody unexpected —his teenaged son, Jonathan.

"Dad," Jonathan said. "Would you just get out of the house and go on a date already?" (You may remember wise-beyond-his-years Jonathan from this post that went viral of a tattoo he got commemorating his adoption day.)

On his son's encouragement, Richard started dipping a tentative toe back into the dating pool. In 2015, he met Kevin thanks to mutual friends that introduced them via social media. It took four months before Richard introduced Kevin to his son, who was a Sophomore in high school at the time.

On New Year's Eve in 2017, Kevin proposed while the couple was vacationing in Palm Springs. The city has an outdoor festival every year, he explained, which the couple attended. The band Plain White T's happened to be performing their hit "Hey There Delilah" as Kevin got down on one knee and proposed. "Now whenever I hear that song it brings back memories of that night," Richard said.

Richard and Kevin married on March 30, 2019 back at the scene of the crime — in Palm Springs, at the Frederick Loewe Estate. Jonathan was Richard's best man, and also walked him down the aisle (awwww.....). Kevin's brother Bobby served as his best man.

"As so many wonderful moments continue to happen for us in Palm Springs, we now own a home there in addition to our primary residence in Bentonville, Arkansas," said Richard.

Check out video from the couple's special day below!

And Jonathan is now an E4 Master-at-Arms in the US Navy.

Surrogacy for Gay Men

A Dream Becomes Reality, After a Men Having Babies Conference

New Yorkers David and Brian said their dreams of fatherhood crystalized only after receiving a "ton of information" at a Men Having Babies conference.

New Yorkers David F.M. Vaughn 39, and Brian Becker, 37, are new dads. Over the past three months, the two most important things they've learned as fathers is "patience, and how to swaddle LIKE A CHAMP!" David and Brian chose surrogacy as their path to fatherhood, but making that decision was one of the more difficult parts of their journey. Brian's siblings are adopted, and while they still want to make adoption part of their family journey, certain opportunities arose that made their surrogacy decision easier. Brian's sister enthusiastically offered to be their gestational surrogate, and they discovered more about the process with the help of Men Having Babies (MHB).

But let's jump back to the beginning of their story.

Keep reading... Show less

Your Foster Adopt Questions Answered by a Foster Adopt Dad

We asked our Instagram community to send us their questions about being a foster dad — and an experienced foster dad responded.

Dad Joseph Bostick (read his story here) recently shared his experience as a foster and adoptive dad with our Instagram community via a question and answer session - did you feel nervous at the beginning? How did you start the process? Did you always know that you wanted to foster older kids?

Read Joseph's responses below.

Keep reading... Show less

Gay Surrogacy in the U.S. for International Dads

Kristin Marsoli of Circle Surrogacy breaks down the process of surrogacy for gay men outside of the United States

Written by Circle Surrogacy & Egg Donation, who has been helping international gay men become dads for over two decades.

Becoming a gay dad through a surrogacy agency in the U.S. – when you live outside of the United States – can feel overwhelming. You may have questions such as: Why should I come all the way to the US for surrogacy? What do I need to know as an international intended parent? How do I get my baby home?

We spoke with Circle Surrogacy & Egg Donation who has been working with international gay parents for over two decades. Circle Surrogacy was founded by a gay dad and lawyer, and is the most successful surrogacy agency with a full legal team on staff who are experts working with international parents.

Keep reading... Show less
Coming Out

My Gay Shame Is Officially Cancelled

After years of feeling ashamed of being gay, David Blacker has finally overcome it. And his son had a lot to do with it.

Scrolling through my social media feeds, reading all the posts about National Coming Out Day reminds me just how valuable it is for us to share our stories and be as open, vulnerable and authentic as possible. Warning: this article is about to get real AF, so now might be a good time to switch back to the Face-Aging app that gives Russia all your personal data.

Oh good, you stayed. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Keep reading... Show less

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse