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Then And Now: Richard and His Son Jonathan

Richard, 40, has one son, Jonathan, who was adopted in 2003, at the age of 5. Richard and Jonathan live in Lumberton, New Jersey.


Also, be sure to read the special letter Jonathan wrote to all gay dads!

Richard during junior year at Rutgers University, 1996

Richard: It’s hard to believe that my son just turned 18. The years have gone by so quickly! As I look at the pictures, it’s amazing to see how Jonathan has grown and changed over the years, and I also think about how I have changed as both a parent and a person. Initially as a new dad, I probably made every mistake in the book, and I learned as I went. I remember when Jonathan was first placed with me, making a ribeye steak and asparagus for dinner and was shocked when he wouldn't eat it. I quickly learned about chicken nuggets.

Relationship status:

Richard: I was in a relationship for 15 years, which ended two years ago. I recently started dating again.

Richard walking with Jonathan along the shore of Ocean City, 2004

Why did you choose adoption?

Richard: I adopted though the state of New Jersey. Adoption seemed the best fit for me; I know there are so many children in my own backyard who need a family. As fate would have it, my son and I have a certain resemblance so everyone assumes he is biologic. Jonathan no longer corrects anyone who makes that assumption. He only corrects people when we get mistaken for brothers: “No, that's my dad!”

Aruba 2006

Richard is the "Mystery Reader" in Jonathan's third grade class, 2007

What do you consider to be the most important lesson you are teaching your son?

Richard: I have taught my son to think for himself, to take pride in who he is, and to not sweat the small stuff.

Halloween 2007

Hawaii, August 2012

Please share any advice you may have for others considering a similar path to fatherhood.

Richard: My son was 5 when placed for adoption with me. There is a certain stigma around adopting an older child. People think that they are broken. I do not share that belief. Be patient, celebrate wins, stick to your guns and always follow through on what you say. Like any child they will test you. Oh, and teenage years and that teenage attitude is pure hell ... Way worse than toddler temper tantrums ... but they will pass. My son is now 18, has great grades, has a part time job at a movie theatre, is on the high school wrestling team and will soon be off to college.

Jonathan's first prom, April 2014

Typically, the only advice I ever give to parents is, "Don't listen to anyone else. Do what you think is right, and you will always make the right decision for your family." Parenting is hard. Parenting will change you. You may even get pushed to your limits and wonder why you went down this road in the first place. Stay the course. When I look at my son now, I am so incredibly proud of the young man he has become, and I also know that he has changed me for the better.

Philadelphia 2014

April 2015

What does your son call you?

Richard: Dad.

Istanbul 2015

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences creating or raising your family?

Richard: Be patient. Let your kids learn to advocate for themselves. Having gay parents is not easy, and they will get teased, most likely in middle school. Try to get involved in groups where they can meet kids that have families similar to their own.

Jonathan driving (with a scared Richard), January 2016

Read more:

Life with a Newborn: Nick and Chris with Their Daughter Ari

Adoption of a Newborn: Gay Dads Brett and Jimmy

Life with a Newborn: Wes, Michael and Katie with Talulah

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Recently, while Justin was away for various work conferences, Danny was left holding the fort. For some fun, he decided to film his nightly routine with the twins. Remaining cool, calm and collected, in the video Danny appears to stay one step ahead of his twins at all times. Bravo, dad!

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The New York Times took an in-depth look at this case in a piece that ran in the paper yesterday. While James was born and raised in the U.S, his husband Jonathan was originally born in Britain. That may be enough, according to the State Department, to deny their daughter citizenship.

"We're both Americans; we're married," James told the New York Times. "We just found it really hard to believe that we could have a child that wouldn't be able to be in our country."

According to decades-old immigration law, a child born abroad must have a biological connection to a parent that is a U.S. citizen in order to be eligible to receive citizenship upon birth. Children born via surrogacy are determined to be "out of wedlock," according to the Times report," which then requires a more onerous process to qualify for citizenship, such as demonstrating that a biological parent is not only an American citizen, but has spent at least five years in the country.

The intent of the law, which dates back to the 1950s, was to prevent people from claiming, falsely, that they are the children of U.S. parents. But LGBTQ advocates argue this archaic policy is being used intentionally to discriminates against same-sex couples, who often have to rely on donors, IVF and surrogacy in order to have biologically children, and are thus held to a higher standard.

"This is where our life is. This is where our jobs are," James told the Times. "Our daughter can't be here, but she has no one else to care for her."

Read the whole story here.


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