Co-parenting

11 Steps Gay Men Should Take Before Co-Parenting With a Female Friend

Considering entering an "intentional co-parenting" arrangement with a female friend or couple? These are the steps you need to take

Intentional co-parenting is when two or more parents raise a child together without being in a romantic partnership with each other. Here are some of the steps gay men interested in pursuing this process with a female friend or couple should think about prior to pursuing this path to fatherhood.

Step #1: Find a Co-Parent and Start Planning

First, find a co-parent. As with a romantic partner, one can be found anywhere. We found ours through a monthly prospective parent group. Others we know met through mutual friends, and others already were friends. There are now even match-making websites! Some common ones include: www.coparents.com; www.familybydesign.com/ and modamily.com/. Check out this article about a gay couple who met their co-parents through an online service

Step #2: "Date" Your Co-Parent Before Committing

It's important not to rush into things. You should "date" for a while to get to know each other. And if you're already friends, do not confuse friendship with being compatible co-parents.

Step #3: Have Uncomfortable Conversations

Discuss ALL expectations in advance no matter how uncomfortable: Religion, approach to discipline, legal custody, etc. Even abortion, should there be medical issues for mom or child.

Step #4: Create a Custody Schedule

In addition to the shared custody schedule, be sure to discuss how much time the whole family will spend together.

Step #5: Put it All in Writing

Put everything in writing. Parenting agreements are about more than just legal coverage (in fact, they provide little of it). It is about spelling out all expectations while everyone is calm and rational. You can refer to the agreement if there are disputes, as can legal authorities should it escalate.

Step #6: Be Ready to Call it Off

Bringing a life into the world is serious stuff. One of the advantages to intentional co-parenting is that you can take your time. If there's a strong sense that this parenting arrangement isn't right, then maybe it's not. Once that baby is around you are binding yourself to your co-parent in a profound way and there's no turning back.

Step #7: Take Note of All the Personalities Involved.

Co-parenting might not be for control freaks or those not able to assert themselves. Flexibility and an even temperament are key to long term success.

Step #8: Really Can't Stress the Personality Thing Enough...

Repeating: the personalities have to be compatible. I can't stress this enough. Ideally, the planning process will reveal if that's the case.

Step #9: Hire a Therapist

Get input from a counselor who specializes in shared custody arrangements. They can advise on the best custodial schedule for the children.

Step #10: Hire a Lawyer

Meet with a lawyer experienced with alternative families in your state. There will be a lot of documentation needed, and specific ways to handle certain steps (such as insemination), to ensure maximum legal coverage.

Step #11: Talk to Other Co-Parents

Seek out current co-parents. If possible, meet with the father(s) and mother(s) separately, to get the most candid advice. But also meet with everyone together, to get a first-hand view of the family's dynamics. One useful online resource is Rachel Hope's co-parent matchmaking website: www.partneredparenting.com

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Entertainment

"To Have and To Hold" Features Gay Dads Co-Parenting with Ex-Wife

To Have and To Hold: Charlotte, on Oprah's OWN channel, includes two gay dads and the challenges and opportunities that arise while co-parenting with one of the men's ex-wife

A modern family of two dads and a mom are featured in the latest reality television show, To Have or to Hold: Charlotte, showing on Oprah's OWN channel. And we can't wait to tune in!

To Have and To Hold: Charlotte follows the real challenges couples face, from financial stress, to issues with intimacy, to the ups and downs of parenthood. Dads Joshua Anglero and Peter Anthonii, and mom Juliana Gutierrez are raising their two kids together and are ready to share what life is like as a co-parenting family.

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Change the World

Republican Utah Lawmaker, and Dad of Two, Comes Out as Gay in Moving Video

Nathan Ivie has many important identities he's proud of: Mormon, Republican, Utahn, father of two... and gay.

In a moving video posted to Facebook, Republican lawmaker Nathan Ivie finally admitted publicly something he's known since the age of 9: he's gay. Ivie, who serves as a County commissioner, is now the first openly gay Republican elected official in the state of Utah. His coming out video has already been viewed more than 25,000 times:

"There's no easy way to say this, I might as well just jump up and say it: I'm gay," Ivie says in the video. "That's my reality and that's what I need to talk to you about today."

In the video, Ivie reveals that he and his wife has separated. He refers to her as his "best friend and supporter," however, and that he is continuing to co-parent their two children with her.

"It's ok to be different, it's ok to live authentically," Ivie says in his video. "You can be gay and a Republican. You need to trust that people will love you for who you really are."

Jackie Biskupski, Salt Lake City's openly lesbian Democratic mayor, praised Ivie via Twitter, writing: "All the best to you, I love how a simple act of love among strangers helped you find your truth and that you are being embraced by family and friends."

Gay Dad Life

Retired NFL Player Reveals He, His Husband and Ex-Wife Live and Raise Kids Together

Former Dallas Cowboys linebacker Jeff Rohrer says "we get in fights" thanks to the unique co-parenting arrangement, but that they're "doing the best we can."

Former Dallas Cowboys linebacker Jeff Rohrer, who played for the Dallas Cowboys from 1982 to 1989, came out as gay not long ago and became the first NFL player to marry another man, Joshua Ross. Jeff is a father of two teenage boys, who he had with his ex-wife, Heather Rohrer. In a recent interview with People, Jeff, Joshua and Heather discussed their unique co-parenting situation.

"It wasn't that Jeffrey came out to me, but once I figured it out, it was obvious he was gay," Heather said. "He thought it was wrong; he was so angry. He thought his children wouldn't love him, that he'd lose his job. I tried to help him. I kept trying to tell him it was okay, that it was no big deal. But it was to him."

Today, all three adults live together, along with their two children, Isabella, 16, and Dondillon, 15.

"We get in our fights, but we find a way to make up. We're just trying to do the best that we can," Joshua said.

"Jeff and Josh are my family, and we're a better team together than apart," Heather said for her part. "Being together for the kids is the important thing for us. It's been difficult to get to this place, but it's worth it."

Read the entire piece on People.

Fun

Gay Dad Penguins Strike Again! This Time in Berlin Zoo

The latest male penguins to care for an egg together are Skipper and Ping in the Berlin Zoo.

First, there was Roy and Silo — the two male penguins in the Central Park Zoo that served as inspiration for the famous children's book And Tango Makes Three. Then Magin Sphen got together in Sydney, where aquarium keepers gave the cocks (Calm down, that's what a male penguin is called!) a foster egg to care for.

And now, please welcome Skipper and Ping in Berlin to the latest list of gay dad penguins! As soon as the two emperor penguins arrived at the city's zoo, they set about trying to start a family, said Berlin Zoo spokesman Maximilian Jaege to DPA news.

"They kept trying to hatch fish and stones," Jaeger said.

So the zookeepers loaned the penguins an egg from a female penguin, who is apparently uninterested in hatching eggs on her own, according to the BBC.

Unsurprisingly, the gay penguins are killing it as parents. "The two male penguins are acting like exemplary parents, taking turns to warm the egg," Jaeger said,

Read the whole article on DPA here.

Change the World

Hungarian Company Raising Money for LGBTQ+ Organization with a LEGO® Heart

Startup WE LOVE WHAT YOU BUILD is helping combat misinformation and prejudice in Central and Eastern Europe

Guest Post from WE LOVE WHAT YOU BUILD

WE LOVE WHAT YOU BUILD is an innovative startup venture that sells LEGO® parts and unique creations. The core values of our company include social equality regardless of gender identity or origin. As LEGO® is a variety of colors and shapes, so are the people.

We all know that LEGO® is a brand that nearly everyone knows and likes between the age of 3 and 99 so this gives a great opportunity to connect unique LEGO® creations and Pride. We started a fundraising campaign for a Hungarian LGBTQ+ organization who's aim is to bring people closer to the LGBTQ+ community, they help to combat misinformation and prejudice regarding LGBTQ+ issues in Central- Eastern Europe since 2000.

You might know that gender equality and the circumstances of LGBTQ+ people is not the easiest in the former communist Eastern European countries like Hungary so this program is in a real need for help. For example a couple of month ago a member of the government said that homosexual people are not equal part of our society.

The essence of the campaign is when one buys a Pride Heart, a custom creation made of brand new and genuine LEGO® bricks the organization gets $10.00 donation so they can continue their important work. This Pride Heart is a nice necklace, a decoration in your home, and a cool gift to the one you love.

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Entertainment

Single Gay Dad Featured on Season Three of GLOW

Actor Kevin Cahoon joins the Gorgeous Ladies of Wresting in Vegas as a single gay dad — and drag queen — on Season Three of the hit Netflix show

For a couple of years now, Hollywood has been obsessed with gay dad characters (and who can blame them?) But the latest show to get hip to a story line featuring gay man raising kids is Netflix's GLOW, which explores a female wresting troop in the late 1980s.

But GLOW is helping represent a gay character that rarely gets time in the limelight:the single gay dad. In Season three of the hit comedy — which stars Alison Brie, Betty Gilpin, and Marc Maron — actor Kevin Cahoon joins the case as Bobby Barnes, a single gay father who plays a female impersonator. (80s divas only, of course — Joan Collins and Babs among them)


"I've never done female impersonation," the openly gay actor told OutSmart Magazine, "so I tried to learn really quick. You will know them all; I was very familiar with all of them. There were plenty of talk shows and performances on YouTube to study. I learned that their breathing was very informative."

A single gay dad AND drag queen on television? It's about damn time if you ask us.

Read the full interview with Cahoon here.

Politics

Utah Court Rules Gay Couples Can't Be Excluded From Surrogacy Contracts

The Utah Supreme Court found in favor of a gay couple attempting to enter into a surrogacy contract.

DRAKE BUSATH/ UTCOURTS.GOV

Earlier this month, the Utah Supreme Court ruled that a same-sex couples can't be excluded from entering into enforceable surrogacy contracts, and sent a case concerning a gay male couple back to trial court to approve their petition for a surrogacy arrangement.

As reported in Gay City News, the case concerns Utah's 2005 law on surrogacy, which was enacted prior to the legalization of same-sex marriage in the state. As a result, the content of the law is gendered, saying that surrogacy contracts should only be enforceable if the "intended mother" is unable to bear a child. When a gay couple approached District Judge Jeffrey C. Wilcox to enter into a surrogacy arrangement, he denied them, arguing that the state's law only concerned opposite sex couples.

"This opinion is an important contribution to the growing body of cases adopting a broad construction of the precedent created by Obergefell v. Hodges and the Supreme Court's subsequent decision in Pavan v. Smith," according to GCN. "It's also worth noting that same-sex couples in Utah now enjoy a right denied them here in New York, where compensated gestational surrogacy contracts remain illegal for all couples."

Read the full article here.

Fatherhood, the gay way

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