Gay Dad Life


“Go fake yourself, Daddy!”

“Excuse me?”

“Go fake yourself!”

Okay - not sure if I heard that right. I was hoping my son did mean "fake," but part of me was worried he was actually dropping an f-bomb.

I’ll admit, I’ve accidentally dropped an f-bomb a few times in front of him, but there’s usually been a good reason – a driver cuts me off or I step on a piece of Lego. (Those little f-er’s hurt!) Or, let’s be honest, when I’m trying to pretend I’m butch and know how to repair things around the house, which usually leads to a few f-bombs before I call a real repair person. Okay, so maybe not the best reasons – I’m a dad, but I’m not perfect.

I’m pretty sure he didn’t learn the f-bomb from TV. While we try to limit screen time, our son loves television, but only if it’s Disney Jr. or Treehouse. He has absolutely no interest in other channels and I’m okay with that. Mickey Mouse and his friends don’t seem like the swearing types. Jake is a pirate, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t swear like a sailor. And while the Cat in the Hat knows a lot about that, it sure would suck if he knew the word f…!

Maybe he learned the f-bomb at the park or the school yard? I know he’s bound to hear things from the older kids and will start to pick up bad words. He’s just starting his first journey into elementary school, so I’m sure he’ll hear more words that I’ll have to be prepared to deal with, but can’t I just keep him shielded for a little while longer?

I look at my son, and while I’m so proud of the little man he’s grown into, there’s a part of me that wants to keep him the small and innocent boy he is today. He’s my little buddy and I love the fact he still calls me his best friend. I adore that he constantly wants to play with me. And I cherish that fact that he still wants me to read him bedtime stories.

But I also know that it won’t be like this forever.

With Kindergarten starting, it means he’ll soon find new best friends. Instead of constantly asking me to play, he’ll be eager to wave good-bye to me as he runs off to go have fun with somebody else. And before long, he’ll be reading on his own. He wants to read so badly and he’s starting to recognize words.

Don’t get me wrong - I want him to read. Our son has such a passion for books, and it gives me intense joy to see him excited when he's able to read a word. Our road trip this summer was filled with his asking us what every highway sign said.   Halfway through the trip he started identifying certain repetitive words and proudly telling me, his Poppa, and his sister what they said. We were so proud.

But as he begins to read more, I’m not keen to say good-bye to our evenings spent together, reading "The Pigeon Wants a Cookie," "Go Dog Go," and any and all books to do with trucks, tractors, diggers and dinosaurs.

I appreciate he’s supposed grow up – that’s what kids do. Our job as parents is to get our kids ready for the day when they don’t need us anymore. But I’m not prepared for him to not need me.

I still need my little buddy.

And I’m certainly not ready for him drop f-bombs! I thought I had a least 10 more years before that.

So I asked him, “Not sure what you mean by "go fake yourself," little buddy. Can you explain?”

“You know, Daddy,” he says. “Dress up like a pirate or a bad guy and play pretend! Go fake yourself! Now let’s go play!”

I laughed so hard and smiled the biggest smile. So did my little buddy – and then we ran off to play.

Okay, so maybe my son is still my sweet and innocent little guy who needs me and wants to play with me.

No matter how hectic the world gets, we always have time to enter into a world of make believe and imaginative play with our kids. The time we have with them is so short and we want to enjoy every minute of it.

So, little buddy, as long as you want me to “go fake myself," I will. I will play detective, pirates, Playmobil and cars; I will keep telling you make-believe stories of the monkey who lived with your Grandma and Nana and who drives fire trucks and ambulances around the city; and I will read books to you, over and over again. As many times as you want.

And yes, I promise that I will still teach you to read, even if it means you’re growing up. Because no matter how big you get, I’ll always be your Daddy, and you will always be my little buddy.

(By the way, thanks little buddy for giving me my new favorite hashtag: #gofakeyourself. I think it might just catch on.)

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Gay Uncles

Gay Uncles are an Essential Part of This Gay Dad Family's Village

It takes a village to raise a child, and this village includes many gay uncles

In November last year, Ottawa-based husbands Matt Ottaviani and Rej Gareau (whose story we shared in July) became first-time dads through surrogacy. They were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Andy and become a family of three.

But as many of us know, raising a child isn't always just about the nuclear family. The African proverb "it takes a village to raise a child" is a commonly repeated phrase, and rings very true for many families. Matt and Rej are no different, and when they shared their story last month, one thing jumped out to us: the important role Andy's guncles play in her and her dads' lives.

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Instagram @davidcblacker

We moved from New York to Boston the summer of 2017. Along with the Manhattan skyline, our beloved Broadway, and late-night cookie deliveries, we also left behind our sitters — two sisters who had become more like family.

After settling for several months into our new home and neighborhood, we realized we hadn't had a dads' night out since our move. Our kids were still too young to leave alone at night, so I began what I presumed would be the tedious task of finding a sitter.

The first thing I did was to leave a post on our local parents' Facebook group. The dad of one of our daughters' classmates told me about UrbanSitter, a website and mobile app that he'd had success using to find last-minute sitters a few times. He also mentioned that within the app, I could see see babysitters and nannies recommended by parents at our kids' school in addition to local parenting groups.

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"We are so excited about The Bravest Knight, its values and our partnership with Hulu," said Shabnam Rezaei, the director of the series and co-founder of Big Bad Boo Studios. "They understand how to push the envelope with authentic storytelling."

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Diversity and inclusivity is celebrated throughout The Bravest Knight, reflected by its casting choices. Nia is played by Storm Reid, from "A Wrinkle in Time," and her dads Sir Cedric and Prince Andrew are voiced by T.R. Knight and Wilson Cruz respectively. The star studded cast also includes Wanda Sykes, Bobby Moynihan, RuPaul, Steven Weber, Teri Polo, AJ McLean, Jazz Jennings, Maz Jobrani and Christine Baranski as the formidable Red Dragon.

"With so many wonderful stories yet to be told, we hope that The Bravest Knight stands as an example of the undeniable strength in inclusivity, and the inherent joy in all forms of love and identity," said Errico, the author of the original book.

The first 5 episodes were released on June 21, and there are 8 more planned for release before the end of the year. Be sure to tune in!

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As reported in Gay City News, the case concerns Utah's 2005 law on surrogacy, which was enacted prior to the legalization of same-sex marriage in the state. As a result, the content of the law is gendered, saying that surrogacy contracts should only be enforceable if the "intended mother" is unable to bear a child. When a gay couple approached District Judge Jeffrey C. Wilcox to enter into a surrogacy arrangement, he denied them, arguing that the state's law only concerned opposite sex couples.

"This opinion is an important contribution to the growing body of cases adopting a broad construction of the precedent created by Obergefell v. Hodges and the Supreme Court's subsequent decision in Pavan v. Smith," according to GCN. "It's also worth noting that same-sex couples in Utah now enjoy a right denied them here in New York, where compensated gestational surrogacy contracts remain illegal for all couples."

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Personal Essays by Gay Dads

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"In connection with the 'propaganda of non-traditional values,' the state representatives are accused of having neglected their duty of supervision," Andrei said, when asked to explain on what basis the Russian government might take his children into custody. "This means that lesbian couples could even have their biological children taken away because, through their lifestyle choices, they propagate "certain values."

Yevgeny also explained the events that led to the couple's harrowing escape "I was alone in Moscow at that time. A week after Andrei and the children had left the country, there was a knock on my door, but nobody called 'police, open up.' After half an hour the violent knocking stopped. My parents' home was searched. They were looking for the children and our Danish marriage certificate because we got married in Denmark in 2016. My friends then got me out of the country."

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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