Gay Uncles

After Struggling with Their Sexuality for Years, These "Guncles" Ponder Fatherhood for Themselves

Gay Uncles Day is this Sunday! To celebrate, we're brining you inspiring stories of gay men and the unique role they play in the lives of their nieces and nephews.

Before meeting one another, Adam and Ramon struggled with their sexuality for years. Both also had strained relationships with their families. After years of work, however, Adam and Ramon are out and proud, and have taken on the roles of proud "guncles" to Adam's siblings kids. Adam is an uncle to Halle (13), Shayla (11), Diezel (9) and Rocky (7), and both Ramon and Adam are the honorary "guncles" to their good friend's son, Ethan (2). After trying on the role of uncle for a while, the couple are now pondering the idea of fatherhood for themselves.



These London-based Aussies started dating seven years ago, in what began as a night out as each other's wingman, but turned into a long-term relationship. Now, they're looking to different shores for their next adventure, both in their careers and also to start thinking about growing their family. But it took both of these guncles many years to get where they are today; to accept their sexuality and live their authentic lives.

Adam grew up in a small country town in rural Australia and struggled for many years with his sexuality. "I never had any gay role models that I could relate to," said Adam. "I never saw a positive side to my sexuality." It wasn't until he moved to London and started traveling the world that he finally realized there were a lot of different type of people in the gay community. "And I saw strength in that," he shared.

Adam's move to London was life-changing. When he left Australian shores, he still hadn't come out to his friends and family, and not even himself. In London, Adam met friends who were like him, and many who were different, but through their shared experiences, his friendships helped him understand and accept his sexuality. "Some of the things I originally didn't like about myself became some of the strengths and Ramon's favorite things about me, and mine too!" Adam explained. Finally, Adam felt comfortable and confident in his authentic self and proud of his relationship.

"I had a very similar story to Adam," said Ramon. "Except I come from a Catholic family and I told my parents I was gay long before I moved to London from Sydney." Sadly, Ramon's relationship with his father became estranged due to their struggle to communicate with one another, while his mother ignored his homosexuality, sweeping it under the proverbial rug. It was only his younger brother who remained supportive, and helped bridge the gap between Ramon and his parents. Only in the past year have things begun to change, with Ramon's parents finally acknowledging Adam as their son's partner and accepting their relationship.

Adam with his nieces and nephews

Both Adam and Ramon are proud guncles to their siblings' kids, and are excited to spend more time playing that role when they move closer to home. Adam and his brother didn't speak for 5 years after he came out, so it was difficult for Adam to play the attentive guncle that he wanted to for many years, but the Australian Marriage Equality vote helped them open up a dialogue. "He and I were able to talk again, and automatically things just worked out and we were all good again."

Becoming dads had always been on the periphery of the couple's thoughts, but not something they had spent much time considering. It wasn't until their friends successfully adopted after a two-year process that it began to come into focus. "It made me start to realize I actually wanted this, and we had somehow changed our ideas and both wanted a family in our future," said Adam.

Guncle Adam with his nieces and nephews, Christmas 2017

While they're open to different paths to fatherhood, Adam prefers surrogacy but realizes that with foster to adopt, they'd have the opportunity to help kids in need. Both paths forward, they realize, come with challenges. Surrogacy is expensive and adoption procedures in Australia often take many years. The couple plans to really begin research in 2020.

Adam also has a particular fear when it comes to his future parenting style: he's worried he won't be able to share the dads duties. "I will want to do everything as I'm more domesticated and experienced with kids," he said. "I'll need to be mindful of this and share the parenting." Let's hope that if they become dads to a infant, Adam won't mind handing the baby back to Ramon at 3 a.m., for his own sake.

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Gay Uncles

Gay Uncles are an Essential Part of This Gay Dad Family's Village

It takes a village to raise a child, and this village includes many gay uncles

In November last year, Ottawa-based husbands Matt Ottaviani and Rej Gareau (whose story we shared in July) became first-time dads through surrogacy. They were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Andy and become a family of three.

But as many of us know, raising a child isn't always just about the nuclear family. The African proverb "it takes a village to raise a child" is a commonly repeated phrase, and rings very true for many families. Matt and Rej are no different, and when they shared their story last month, one thing jumped out to us: the important role Andy's guncles play in her and her dads' lives.

In honor of Gay Uncles Day today, we reached out to Andy's many guncles to learn first-hand how their relationship with the family affects their lives. Here's what they had to say.

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Popular

This Gay Uncle is on a Mission to Provide His Nieces and Nephews With as Much Culture as Possible

Mike Adank isn't a dad (yet!) but that isn't stopping him from introducing his nieces and nephews to all New York City has to offer.

Mike Adank, who lives in New York City, has been a "guncle" for 19 years to Dylan (19), Emma (17), Laura (12), Alex (8), Katie (6), and Lizzie (3). His Instagram account reveals him to be a fun uncle who thinks the world of his nieces and nephews, and someone eager to share with them his life and passions. He's attentive, enthusiastic, and, dare we say, probably the favorite uncle.

Last year for "Gay Uncles Day" he shared the post below on Instagram with his niece and nephew, with a caption that read: "who needs your own kids when you can just borrow your siblings'?!"

As much as Mike loves being an uncle, however, this message was a bit tongue and cheek: he's begun thinking about having his own family one day in the maybe not-so-distant future.

Mike is the manager of VIP guest experiences at Jujamcyn Theaters, a major Broadway landlord and producer. He lives and breathes Broadway, loves adventures and is a proud New Yorker.

Mike takes his status as a "guncle" seriously and has played a large role in his nieces and nephews lives since they were born. Although they live far away in Wisconsin, Mike travels back two or three times a year, and they make the most of their time together: hiking, camping, gossiping and eating. He also makes sure they see the annual summer musical in their hometown, and plans to give each of them a paid for ticket to New York upon their graduation from high school. "I want them to be well rounded and provide them with as much culture as possible," he said.

As a gay man, Mike also feels it's his responsibility to teach them about tolerance and respect. "Or at least demonstrate it and be an example of how successful you can be if you stay true to yourself and follow your dreams." Recently, he was an even prouder uncle when his niece stood up to a teacher who was allowing hate in the classroom.

Mike has been seeing someone whom he meet via Chappy for the past four months, and although everything is going very well, it's still too early to bring up the conversation of kids. But Mike has begun researching regardless as he's still open to being a single dad if he hasn't found someone who shares the same dream.

In terms of a choosing a path, Mike is keeping his options open even though he's very keen to become a foster dad."Fostering is at the top of my list," said Mike. "I love the idea of sharing my love and life with a child that may be experiencing some rough times, or may not have been as fortunate this far in their life. Everyone deserves to find that one person they can count on, look up to, learn from, and feel safe with, [when] they need it most." Ideally Mike would like to foster to adopt, but he'd also be happy just fostering those in need.

Becoming a dad doesn't come without some fear on Mike's part. And those fears are tied up with his sexuality. "I'm a little scared of them not liking me because I'm gay; I don't want them to feel short changed." But on the flip-side of his concerns, Mike knows that his sexuality could also be a real asset, and help him educate his children on the importance of compassion and love.

As Mike gets closer to celebrating an exciting milestone - the big 4-0 - which is still a couple of years away, he's getting more and more excited about fatherhood, but still wants to be young enough to have fun his kids. The goal is in 5 years time to not only be a fabulous guncle, but also a loving and doting dad. We're excited to watch this space!

Mike with his nephew Dylan

Gay Uncles

Happy 'Guncles' Day! Have You Thanked the Gay Uncle in Your Life?

To celebrate the important role gay men play in the lives of their nieces and nephews, check out these adorable pics below!

Two years ago, on August 14, the Internet lit up with the hashtag #GayUnclesDay, accompanied by countless adorable pictures of gay men beaming for the camera alongside their nieces and nephews. The social media sensation was all in good fun, of course, and we're supportive of any holiday that leads Olympic bobsledder Simon Dunn to post this picture on his Instagram, but it's worth noting that not every gay uncle felt celebrated that day:

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Gay Dad Photo Essays

Pics of the Moment Before and After Gay Men Become Dads

Dig through your phones — what was the last pic taken of you BEFORE you became a dad?

We all have THAT photo: the one taken moments after we become fathers for the first time. For some of us, we're doing "skin to skin" in a delivery room. For others, we're standing proudly alongside our newly adopted child and judge in a courtroom. However or wherever it happens, though, we make sure to snap a picture of it.

But what about that last photo BEFORE you first became a dad? What does that image look like, we wondered? Well, we asked our Instagram community to dig through through phones and find out. Some of us are enjoying a last carefree meal or glass of wine, others of us are captured nervously contemplating our futures. Whatever it is, we've decided these BEFORE pictures are just as meaningful.

Enjoy some of our favorites! Want to play along? Dig through your phones and send us your pics to dads@gayswithkids.com!

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Entertainment

Gay Dad in Sundance's 'Brittany Runs a Marathon' is Relatable AF

Sundance hit "Brittany Runs a Marathon" stars a gay dad trying to get in shape.

Who would make for the best marathon training partner for an overweight, overly boozed 27-year-old woman? A gay dad, of course!

The pairing, for any gay man who has been subjected to impossible beauty standards (not unlike... literally all women?) makes a bit too much sense after watching the new Sundance film, "Brittany Runs a Marathon," starring SNL writer Jillian Bell (as the 27-year-old) and Micah Stock as the (somewhat *ahem* older) gay dad.

Based on a true story, the film follows Brittany, an overweight and over-boozed 20-something, trying to clean up her act by training for the New York City marathon — while doing so, she meets Seth (the gay dad), and the two begin to train together, along with Brittany's neighbor Catherine. Each has their own motivation for running: getting one's live together, recovering from a messy divorce, or an attempt to impress one's athletic son. (Which is the gay dad? Guess you'll have to watch to find out!)

We won't give too much more away, apart from saying that the trio — based off of actual people and events — really works. It's the feel good film you're waiting to see.

Expert Advice

Your 15 Most Common Questions About Adoption, Answered by an Expert

We asked our Instagram community for their biggest questions about adoption. Then asked Molly Rampe Thomas of Choice Network to answer them.

As part of our new "Ask an Expert" series on Instagram, our community of dads and dads-to-be sent us their questions on adoption in the United States. Molly Rampe Thomas, founder of Choice Network, answered them.

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'Life Is Amazing': Congrats to Gay Dads Whose Families Recently Grew!

Help us congratulate gay dads on their recent births and adoptions last month!

Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded in the last month or so a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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