Gay Dad Life

A Gay Single Dad Says "Don't Wait"

Justin Miller is a single gay man and the proud father of his almost 2-year-old son Sam. Justin has some good words for guys who are on the fence about fatherhood. Dive in to Justin's list and let us know what you think.

  • Single men can be successful parents. Sure, it will be hard, and you probably need to be sure you have at least some kind of reliable support network around you. Plenty of singletons raise kids who go on to be successful and well-adjusted adults. If you're ready to be a dad now, don't feel that you have to waste time waiting around for the perfect partner.
  • Don't wait for the perfect time. While there are probably better times than others to become a parent, there is no perfect time. Unless you're lucky enough that money is no object, there will always be something that's not quite right: too many credit cards to pay, career not in the right place, not the right house, not the right neighborhood, too far from family, too busy, and so on and so on. If you wait for the perfect moment, you may wake up one day to discover you're in your dotage, and will be wondering why you didn't take the opportunity when you had it. Remember, there are all kinds of people, in all kinds of circumstances, both good and bad, who successfully have and raise kids. What a child needs is safety, stability, love, and positive role models. Everything else is gravy.
  • You may feel that you want to buy every parenting advice book out there. Don't. Either you'll read it once, and never bother with it again, or it'll become your rules bible and you'll work yourself into a frenzy of stress wondering why your baby isn't conforming to the narrative given in the books. Which isn't to say you won't need advice. Parenting is hard work, it needs skills, and knowledge. Sure, some of that you figure out for yourself, some you'll develop “on the job", some of it will be trial and error. But a lot will be talking to family and friends who have kids, other parents, and whatever support your care provider offers. The point is, don't buy a library of advice books, and try to stick to their rubric. Your kid sure as heck won't.
  • Don't go crazy with your credit card in the baby store. You may feel you have to buy every single latest baby related product. Most of what you end up buying, you just won't need. Some, you'll use once, and once only. Some, you'll never use at all. My advice is get the basics (food, shelter, mobility), and let friends and family fill up the rest. This is especially true if you're living on a budget. Don't succumb to the peer pressure to get every latest fad. It really is just not necessary. Once you have the basics, you can improvise a lot of whatever else you end up needing, or buy it as and when it becomes an issue.
  • Justin with son, Sam

  • Don't be shy about buying second hand, or accepting “hand me downs". Never compromise on safety, but past that, as the items are clean and serviceable, take it. Babies don't care if something is used, and no one else who matters should, either. You'll be helping the environment out, too.
  • Never cut corners on safety. That includes cribs, car seats, strollers, stair gates, electrical outlet covers, furniture. Kids absolutely will find all of the most life-threatening combination of furniture, fixtures and fittings in your house, and do their utmost to nuke themselves. Kids are freaking ninjas. I'm not kidding. They will have leopard-crawled past your radar, and scaled the your bookcases before you know it . Single parents need to know going into this that you can't watch your kids every second (you have to go pee, you have to eat), but if you can't take them with you, make sure the environment you leave them in is safe.
  • Know your rights as a father or dad to be. Rely on formal agreements and proper legal advice, rather than handshakes, friendships, or late night Internet surfing. For every success story of that kind, there's a horror story. You can also waste time worrying about things that might not be an issue in your unique situation.
  • Go for it, guys! If you feel you want to be a father, and you have the opportunity, do it. Sure, it's going to be hard. There's no point pretending it won't be. Becoming a dad just might be the hardest thing you ever do. I'm telling you there will be moments of existential crisis. I promise there will be moments when you're sitting in a shell-shocked silence, questioning your life choices. There will be moments when you will be on all fours, scrubbing vomit out of the carpet. There will be days when your baby just won't quit crying, and you'll feel like you're at your wits end. But you know what? That's also true for every other parent in the world right now, whether a dad or a mom, gay or straight.Investing in your child is always worth it, because the rewards are special. Every day, there will be something that makes you smile. What you get back – the love, the satisfaction, the sense of pride, the sheer stupid joy of it – makes it all worth it.
  • Justin Miller lives in the UK with his son Sam. Thanks for sharing your story and experiences with us, Justin.

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    Gay Uncles

    Gay Uncles are an Essential Part of This Gay Dad Family's Village

    It takes a village to raise a child, and this village includes many gay uncles

    In November last year, Ottawa-based husbands Matt Ottaviani and Rej Gareau (whose story we shared in July) became first-time dads through surrogacy. They were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Andy and become a family of three.

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    Gay Dad Life

    Need a Sitter for Your Kids? Gays With Kids Reviews UrbanSitter

    Back-to-school is already here for some of us, and if you're looking for a sitter to help out with school runs, after-school pick-ups, and the occasional date night, check out our review of UrbanSitter.

    Instagram @davidcblacker

    We moved from New York to Boston the summer of 2017. Along with the Manhattan skyline, our beloved Broadway, and late-night cookie deliveries, we also left behind our sitters — two sisters who had become more like family.

    After settling for several months into our new home and neighborhood, we realized we hadn't had a dads' night out since our move. Our kids were still too young to leave alone at night, so I began what I presumed would be the tedious task of finding a sitter.

    The first thing I did was to leave a post on our local parents' Facebook group. The dad of one of our daughters' classmates told me about UrbanSitter, a website and mobile app that he'd had success using to find last-minute sitters a few times. He also mentioned that within the app, I could see see babysitters and nannies recommended by parents at our kids' school in addition to local parenting groups.

    While I appreciated the tip, I let him know that I was really hoping for a direct referral. But when none others came from the — other than a couple of middle schoolers looking for their first sitting jobs — I decided to give it a try.

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    "We are so excited about The Bravest Knight, its values and our partnership with Hulu," said Shabnam Rezaei, the director of the series and co-founder of Big Bad Boo Studios. "They understand how to push the envelope with authentic storytelling."

    "I immediately fell in love with the idea of a girl wanting to work hard and make something of herself," Rezaei continued. "I also have a nephew who has two dads, so it's a very personal issue for me. I want him to have role models when he's watching TV. I want him to feel like having two dads is completely normal. That's what this show is going to do for him."

    Errico's book was first realized as an animation when Hulu created a short film based upon his writing and were interested in exploring the concept of a full series. "I watched the eight minutes on Hulu and at the end the prince and the knight get married and I was in tears," says Rezaei. Rezaei then stepped in to create all new art work including new character design by Tim Linklater and backgrounds by Sarita Kolhatra. Together, they created a kickass bible and pitched the series to Hulu and were successful.

    Diversity and inclusivity is celebrated throughout The Bravest Knight, reflected by its casting choices. Nia is played by Storm Reid, from "A Wrinkle in Time," and her dads Sir Cedric and Prince Andrew are voiced by T.R. Knight and Wilson Cruz respectively. The star studded cast also includes Wanda Sykes, Bobby Moynihan, RuPaul, Steven Weber, Teri Polo, AJ McLean, Jazz Jennings, Maz Jobrani and Christine Baranski as the formidable Red Dragon.

    "With so many wonderful stories yet to be told, we hope that The Bravest Knight stands as an example of the undeniable strength in inclusivity, and the inherent joy in all forms of love and identity," said Errico, the author of the original book.

    The first 5 episodes were released on June 21, and there are 8 more planned for release before the end of the year. Be sure to tune in!

    This is the Main Title Song for Big Bad Boo's Hulu Original Series "The Bravest Knight". The song is performed by Justin Tranter and composed by Michael Plow...


    Gay Dad Penguins Strike Again! This Time in Berlin Zoo

    The latest male penguins to care for an egg together are Skipper and Ping in the Berlin Zoo.

    First, there was Roy and Silo — the two male penguins in the Central Park Zoo that served as inspiration for the famous children's book And Tango Makes Three. Then Magin Sphen got together in Sydney, where aquarium keepers gave the cocks (Calm down, that's what a male penguin is called!) a foster egg to care for.

    And now, please welcome Skipper and Ping in Berlin to the latest list of gay dad penguins! As soon as the two emperor penguins arrived at the city's zoo, they set about trying to start a family, said Berlin Zoo spokesman Maximilian Jaege to DPA news.

    "They kept trying to hatch fish and stones," Jaeger said.

    So the zookeepers loaned the penguins an egg from a female penguin, who is apparently uninterested in hatching eggs on her own, according to the BBC.

    Unsurprisingly, the gay penguins are killing it as parents. "The two male penguins are acting like exemplary parents, taking turns to warm the egg," Jaeger said,

    Read the whole article on DPA here.

    Change the World

    Hungarian Company Raising Money for LGBTQ+ Organization with a LEGO® Heart

    Startup WE LOVE WHAT YOU BUILD is helping combat misinformation and prejudice in Central and Eastern Europe

    Guest Post from WE LOVE WHAT YOU BUILD

    WE LOVE WHAT YOU BUILD is an innovative startup venture that sells LEGO® parts and unique creations. The core values of our company include social equality regardless of gender identity or origin. As LEGO® is a variety of colors and shapes, so are the people.

    We all know that LEGO® is a brand that nearly everyone knows and likes between the age of 3 and 99 so this gives a great opportunity to connect unique LEGO® creations and Pride. We started a fundraising campaign for a Hungarian LGBTQ+ organization who's aim is to bring people closer to the LGBTQ+ community, they help to combat misinformation and prejudice regarding LGBTQ+ issues in Central- Eastern Europe since 2000.

    You might know that gender equality and the circumstances of LGBTQ+ people is not the easiest in the former communist Eastern European countries like Hungary so this program is in a real need for help. For example a couple of month ago a member of the government said that homosexual people are not equal part of our society.

    The essence of the campaign is when one buys a Pride Heart, a custom creation made of brand new and genuine LEGO® bricks the organization gets $10.00 donation so they can continue their important work. This Pride Heart is a nice necklace, a decoration in your home, and a cool gift to the one you love.

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    Single Gay Dad Featured on Season Three of GLOW

    Actor Kevin Cahoon joins the Gorgeous Ladies of Wresting in Vegas as a single gay dad — and drag queen — on Season Three of the hit Netflix show

    For a couple of years now, Hollywood has been obsessed with gay dad characters (and who can blame them?) But the latest show to get hip to a story line featuring gay man raising kids is Netflix's GLOW, which explores a female wresting troop in the late 1980s.

    But GLOW is helping represent a gay character that rarely gets time in the limelight:the single gay dad. In Season three of the hit comedy — which stars Alison Brie, Betty Gilpin, and Marc Maron — actor Kevin Cahoon joins the case as Bobby Barnes, a single gay father who plays a female impersonator. (80s divas only, of course — Joan Collins and Babs among them)

    "I've never done female impersonation," the openly gay actor told OutSmart Magazine, "so I tried to learn really quick. You will know them all; I was very familiar with all of them. There were plenty of talk shows and performances on YouTube to study. I learned that their breathing was very informative."

    A single gay dad AND drag queen on television? It's about damn time if you ask us.

    Read the full interview with Cahoon here.


    Utah Court Rules Gay Couples Can't Be Excluded From Surrogacy Contracts

    The Utah Supreme Court found in favor of a gay couple attempting to enter into a surrogacy contract.


    Earlier this month, the Utah Supreme Court ruled that a same-sex couples can't be excluded from entering into enforceable surrogacy contracts, and sent a case concerning a gay male couple back to trial court to approve their petition for a surrogacy arrangement.

    As reported in Gay City News, the case concerns Utah's 2005 law on surrogacy, which was enacted prior to the legalization of same-sex marriage in the state. As a result, the content of the law is gendered, saying that surrogacy contracts should only be enforceable if the "intended mother" is unable to bear a child. When a gay couple approached District Judge Jeffrey C. Wilcox to enter into a surrogacy arrangement, he denied them, arguing that the state's law only concerned opposite sex couples.

    "This opinion is an important contribution to the growing body of cases adopting a broad construction of the precedent created by Obergefell v. Hodges and the Supreme Court's subsequent decision in Pavan v. Smith," according to GCN. "It's also worth noting that same-sex couples in Utah now enjoy a right denied them here in New York, where compensated gestational surrogacy contracts remain illegal for all couples."

    Read the full article here.

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