Personal Essays by Gay Dads

This Gay Dad's Search for Reliable Surrogacy Info in Canada Led Him to Share His Own Story

Grant Minkhorst scoured the Internet for reliable info, relevant to Canada, but found "slim pickings."

When my husband and I decided that we wanted to start a family, we scoured the internet for information and resources about gay parenting. As many of you already know, it was "slim pickings," as Grandma would say. I stumbled from one website to the next with little to show for it. When I wanted to learn more about surrogacy specifically, I would repeatedly end up on surrogacy agency websites. While some included relevant information, I noticed large gaps and a countless inconsistencies. Not only that, but many of the agency websites were based in the United States where the surrogacy process differs from that in Canada. The search for a dependable resource for would-be Canadian gay fathers was frustrating and, seemingly, futile.


The next two years would be spent quilting together information from websites, phone calls with lawyers, conversations with other Intended Parents and appointments at clinics. We were also fortunate to reconnect with an old friend of mine from high school who patiently shared all of the details from his successful surrogacy journey. We ended up amassing a treasure trove of information about the Canadian surrogacy process. All of those hours spent piecing together information on notepads and sticky notes felt like a victory in persistence and patience.

Once we announced that we were expecting our first child, we were peppered with questions from family and friends. They were curious about the process and wanted to hear about our experience. At first, it was exciting to share our story with all of its twists and turns. But, after a few weeks, I found myself answering the same questions over and over again. I started to feel a little like a surrogacy robot with an attitude. My mood started to dictate the type of response one received when fielding a surrogacy-related question. I thought about writing a brochure that I could just circulate with all of the answers and wear a button that read: "It's in the brochure." Perhaps I was being a tad dramatic, but after nearly three years dedicating much of my free time figuring out the ins and outs of the surrogacy process (to pun intended), I was becoming exasperated by the constant questions and wanted to spend more time getting exciting for the baby's arrival.

What resulted was a website that my husband helped me to develop that would include answers to many of the questions about our surrogacy story. Our website would act as a vehicle for us to thoughtfully respond to questions as well as a space where we could include anecdotes about our experiences. Upon sharing our website with our friends and family, we started getting asked whether or not we were comfortable sharing the website outside of our circle of friends and family. While the website speaks to our own personal and unique experience, we thought that it might shed a little light on the process for others interested in surrogacy. And now we are thrilled to share it with the GWK community!

We sincerely hope that sharing our story can help other prospective gay parents on their parenting journey.

***

We have started to capture our parenting journey on Instagram and we invite you to follow us @DaddyPapaandBaby and we hope you check out our website at http://oursurrogacystory.miquelllabres.com


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