Change the World

My Husband Rick Neal is Running for U.S. Congress and We Are All In

When he first learned his husband, Rick Neal, wanted to run for Congress, he was hesitant. But he's all in now, and here's why.

I was pretty hesitant when my husband, Rick Neal, first told me he was going to run for Congress, but not really surprised. You see, he has spent decades running toward fires, not away from them. He served in the Peace Corps in Africa, worked with refugees in war zones around the world, and after we met and married, was on the front lines in Ohio fighting for the right to adopt our own children, Amoret (9) and Sophia (6).


And then, in 2014, when people were freaking out about the Ebola epidemic, Rick calmly proclaimed that he was going to Liberia to help. I was not happy, because I was scared like everyone else. And, frankly, I had no idea how I was going to do the girls' hair while he was away (Rick did their hair). But he went, and he came back, and another chapter of being married to an action adventure hero was written.

Then came the 2016 election. Our entire family campaigned for Hillary Clinton. We were convinced she would win. She didn't. I cried for two weeks after the election. However, my husband saw the fire. He had lived in countries run by despots and dictators. He saw those traits in our new president. And, he knew exactly what he was going to do: run for Congress against the chair of the National Republican Congressional Committee, Steve Stivers, in a gerrymandered district. Steve's big thing is "civility," which he talks about all the time. But for a man who voted to repeal the ACA, and who earned zero ratings from Planned Parenthood, the Sierra Club, and the Human Rights Campaign (while scoring an A rating from the NRA), civility doesn't seem to mean very much at all.

The campaign has not been easy on our family. A neo-Nazi group targeted our home to let us know they knew where we lived. But Rick responded to that as I expected, calmly, confidently and courageously.

I am incredibly proud of him. And I am thrilled that he is showing our girls what courage looks like. We just hope that every person who cares about our democracy, our families, and our future will vote in November. Because if you do, we will win. And when Rick wins, he will be part of a new Congress that will set things right for everyone, not just a select few.

The midterms are just weeks away. The Grote-Neal family is all in!

Check our Rick Neals' campaign video, which went viral earlier this year, below!

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News

Indiana Court Says Couples Using Sperm Donors​ Can Both Be Listed on Birth Certificate — But Ruling Excludes Male Couples

The 7th US Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in favor of the plaintiffs in the case, a major victory for LGBTQ parents — but the Attorney General may appeal to the Supreme Court.

On Friday, a US Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a ruling from a lower court that said that both parents in a same-sex relationship are entitled to be listed on the birth certificate — previously, the state of Indiana had required the non-biological parent within a same-sex relationship using assisted reproductive technologies to adopt their child after the birth in order to get her or his name listed on the birth certificate, a lengthy and expensive process not required of straight couples in the same situation.

It's a double standard LGBTQ parents have long been subjected to in many states across the country. So this represent a major win. As reported by CNN, this ruling "takes a lot of weight off" the shoulders of LGBTQ parents, said Karen Celestino-Horseman, a lawyer representing one of the couples in the case. "They've been living as families and wondering if this was going to tear them apart."

The 7th US Circuit Court of Appeals deliberated the case, according to CNN, for more than two and a half years, which is one of the longest in the court's history.

However, because all the plaintiffs in the case involved female same-sex couples using sperm donors, the ruling left open the similar question of parenting rights with respect to male couples. Indiana's Attorney General, moreover, may also appeal the case to the Supreme Court.

We'll be following the case closely and be sure to keep you up to date. For more on this recent decision, read CNN's article here.

Change the World

"Dadvocates" Gather in D.C. to Demand Paid Family Leave for ALL Parents

"Dadvocate" and new gay dad Rudy Segovia joined others in D.C. recently to educate lawmakers on the need for paid family leave for ALL parents

On Tuesday October 22, Dove Men+Care and PL+US (Paid Leave for the United States) led the Dads' Day of Action on Capitol Hill. A group of over 40 dads and "dadvocates" from across the states lobbied key member of Congress on the issue of paid paternity leave for *ALL* dads. They shared stories of their struggles to take time off when welcoming new family members and the challenges dads face with no paid paternity leave.

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News

Michigan Judge Allows Faith-Based Discrimination Against LGBTQ Adoptive Parents to Continue

Discrimination against LGBTQ parents can continue in Michigan, says judge

Last month, U.S. District Judge Robert Jonker ruled in a motion that faith-based adoption agencies are allowed to discriminate against prospective LGBTQ parents on the basis of religious belief. The state's Attorney General, Dana Nessel, asked the judge for a stay while she appealed the decision to a higher court. Last week, the judge denied the motion, effectively allowing adopting agencies to discriminate immediately.

The case involves St. Vincent Catholic Charities, who sued the state of Michigan, contending the adoption agency should be exempt from the state's anti-discrimination laws on the grounds that LGBTQ parenthood violets the church's religious beliefs.

This decision "turns the status quo on its head rather than maintaining it," Attorney General Nessel said in her motion. She wrote further that such a move "presents significant, potential injury" to children who need homes, and limits "the number of applicable families for children in a foster care system who desperately need families."

The judge, in turn wrote that "Under the attorney general's current interpretation of Michigan law and the parties' contracts, St. Vincent must choose between its traditional religious belief, and the privilege of continuing to place children with foster and adoptive parents of all types."

We'll be following this case as Attorney General Nessel's office appeals this decision. Read more about the case here.

Personal Essays by Gay Dads

As a Gay Dad, What's the Impact of Letting My Son Perform Drag?

Michael Duncan was excited when his 10-year-old son asked if he could perform in drag for charity — but he also felt fear and anxiety.

As LGBT parents, we have all lived through some sort of trauma in our lives. For many it is the rejection of our family, being bullied, or abuse. We learn to be vigilant of our surroundings and often are very cautious of who we trust. As adults, we start to become watchful of how much we share and we look for "red flags" around every corner.

So, what effect does this have on our children? Does it unintentionally cause us to be more jaded with our interactions involving others? For some the answer may be a resounding "no." But as we look deeper into the situation, we often find that through survival our interactions with others have changed and we may not even realize exactly how much we are projecting on those around us.

Keep reading...
Diary of a Newly Out Gay Dad

A Gay Chiropractor Explains Why He Came Out to His Patients

After Cameron Call, a chiropractor, came out to his family this past year, he knew he had one more step to take — he had to come out to his patients

Fear is an interesting thing. It motivates when it shouldn't, shows at inconvenient times, and is the author of stories that do nothing but hold us back. I would argue though, too, that fear has some good qualities. I believe it helps us to feel. And I think it can be a great teacher as we learn to recognize and face it.

For years fear prevented me from embracing my truth and accepting a large part of who I am. I know I am not alone in that regard. But for so long my fear convinced me that I was. Fear is what kept me from ever telling my parents or anyone growing up that I am gay. Fear mingled with strong religious teachings, embraced at a young age, which led me to believe that I could cure myself of my attractions to the same gender. And fear is a part of what kept me in my marriage to a woman for over ten years.

Keep reading...
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

A Gay Dad Gains Clarity After a Health Scare

A recent health scare helped give Erik Alexander clarity.

Sometimes fear can cripple the mind and hinder ones judgement. Having children of my own, I have come to grips with accepting the things I cannot change and learned to take action when there is no other choice. When it comes to my own personal health, the future and well being of my family gives me all the clarity I need to make the right decision about any kind of health scare.

This episode is dedicated to all the parents out there that are going through or have gone through similar situations.

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Gay Dad Family Stories

This European Couple Became Dads Through a U.K.-Based Surrogacy Program

Janno, from Estonia, and Matthias, from Belgium, were accepted into the "Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy" Program.

Janno Talu, an accountant, and Matthias Nijs, an art gallery director, were born in different parts of Europe. Janno, 39, is from Estonia, and Matthias, 28, is from Belgium. Their paths crossed when the two moved to London, each from their different corners of the European Union.

Janno relocated to London earlier than Matthias, when he was 24, and his main reason for the move was his sexuality. "Although Estonia is considered one of the more progressive countries in Eastern Europe, when it comes to gay rights, it is still decades behind Western society in terms of tolerance," said Janno. "And things are not moving in the right direction." In 2016, same-sex civil union became legal, but the junior party in the current coalition government is seeking to repeal the same-sex partnership bill. "In addition," Janno continued, "they wish to include the definition of marriage as a union between a man and a woman in the country's constitution. Even today, there are people in Estonia who liken homosexuality to pedophilia, which is why I decided to start a new life in the UK, where I could finally be myself."

Keep reading...

Fatherhood, the gay way

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