Gay Dad Family Stories

Demolition Daddies: These Gay Dads Recently Appeared on House Hunters Renovation

The dads say their star turn on the popular HGTV show is all thanks to their two-year-old son, Theo, who charmed the producers

"I'm really not sure what our lives were like before having our son," pondered Matt. "I remember always doing stuff, but I have no idea how I wasted all that personal time that I find so precious now. I took so many showers without someone trying to pull all the towels down to make a bed on the bathroom floor. It must have been nice, but also wasn't as memorable."

Matt DeLeva and fiancé Joseph Littlefield met in 2014 at a Pride event at the San Diego Zoo, and have a 2-year-old son Theo through adoption. For this Los Angeles-based couple, and like many others, becoming dads was an emotional rollercoaster. Before being matched with Theo's birth family, they had two other connections with birth moms that didn't work out. "Each was upsetting," said Matt. "When you talk to birth mothers, you start to get excited and mentally plan your future. When it doesn't work out, it feels like a loss."


But despite those difficult hurdles, the men preserved and received a call one day about a baby boy who had just been born 30 minutes from their house. "The birth parents picked us, and gave us the greatest joy we could have ever received in the form of our son," Matt told Gay Star News in an article published in 2017.

The new dads had discussed fatherhood as early as their first date; now it was a reality. "We knew that it was in our cards to be dads. It was the easiest and best decision that we have ever made."

Another decision the dads made that has impacted their family life was to audition for a home renovation show in early 2018. They knew they wanted a house that needed work, so they looked online, curious to see if there was any home renovation shows being filmed in Los Angeles. "I figured that being a two-dad family would give us some points," said Matt, "I pitched our story online, and they set up a Skype interview with the casting director." The casting director then pitched them to HGTV, and when the HGTV team first watched it, they were so focused on Theo, that they later told Matt and Joseph they had to re-watch it to see what the dads were saying.

Basically, charming Theo got he and his dads onto House Hunters Renovation on HGTV.

Over the summer of 2018, the family of three and the House Hunters Renovation team and crew remodeled part of Matt and Joseph's house. "It was intense, but looking back at it, it was fun," said Matt. "If you asked while we were in the middle of it, I might have given you a different answer."

The family lived in the house throughout the renovation which was a challenge. They had to put up two layers of plastic between the living room and the kitchen to try and keep all the dust out. The air purifiers on in the bedrooms 24/7, and they also had to get creative without a kitchen and heat Theo's milk on the grill in the backyard. "I'm so happy that we went through all of it though," said Matt, "because we really love the finished product."

The episode aired on February 23.

One of the best parts of watching themselves and their home reno adventure? Being able to see Theo grow 5 or 6 months during the filming and have that captured for all time. "It was fun to see all the craziness we went through over the last year, and it was even better to see Theo on TV."

Looking beyond their house renovations and staring on one of the most beloved channels of any homeowner – aspiring or present – the dads are currently in the process of their second adoption journey. The dads have been told it might take them a little longer this time around as tends to be the case when adopting for a second time.

Matt and Joseph have also put their wedding plans on hold as they look to grow their family, but their nieces and nephews continue to ask about their plans as they're keen to get dressed up for the celebration. "Whenever it is, Theo will have a big role in the wedding," said Matt. "If we wait long enough, he might even be able to officiate!" Or, have a little brother or sister to share ring bearer duties!

Whenever the date will be, these dads are excited to celebrate their love as a family.


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Gay Dad Family Stories

These Dads Had 'Twins' — Just Four Months Apart

Angel and Dan's wanted twins, without the complications of a twin pregnancy — so they worked with two separate surrogates at once.

If you have ever been out late on a Saturday night, you may have high hopes of meeting a handsome stranger, but you probably wouldn't expect to meet your future husband. Angel Mario Martinez Garcia, 45, surely didn't when, five years ago on a very early Saturday morning in Barcelona, he casually approached Dan's Mouquet, 40, and asked him, over many gin and tonics, what he wanted out of life. The nightlife setting notwithstanding, Dan's told Angel he ultimately wanted a quiet life, with a partner and children.

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Gay Dad Family Stories

Love, Kids, and a Sixteenth Century French Château

A 400-year-old castle provides a charming backdrop to this modern family's life.

Ready to be enamored and exhausted? Meet Papá, Daddy, and their three lovable boys. This typical family's day-to-day is probably the closest we can get to a literal fairy tale, sans the leather-bound book. Their lives revolve around work, school, Wednesday soccer practices, and maintaining the sixteenth century French château they call home.

Yes, a 400-something-year-old castle is the backdrop to this modern family's life. The husbands acquired the château two years ago, and promptly moved in with their three newly-adopted sons to furnish the countless bedrooms and paint the walls rainbow with their own memories.

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Gay Dad, Inspired by His Kids, Founds "Deeply Diverse" Theatre Company

Tripp Pattigrew, a gay dad who started the non-profit theatre company Imaginary Theatricals, promises to produce only "color-blind, gender-blind, and sexual-orientation-blind" theater.

Guest post by Tripp Pettigrew (read his family story here). Tripp is the proud parent of adopted children, and, inspired by his children, he founded a not-for-profit theatre company in Los Angeles. His company is getting ready to produce its inaugural production of Kander & Ebb's "Cabaret." In his own words, read about his inspiration below.

My youngest son, Alex, has had an incredible journey. He walked into my home shirtless, dirty, scared of our dogs and barely verbal. From that moment, his tantrums were so powerful and explosive that I was called to his school multiple times a week. He stabbed one teacher with a pair of scissors and scratched another on the face so deep she had to go to the emergency room. In order to try to have any kind of time to dedicate to my job, my mother-in-law spent three months of her time going to school with Alex, something which I'll always be grateful for. I won't get into the tantrums outside of school but suffice it to say that there were way too many times that, in traffic, Alex would throw open the door of the car and run. Just picture this Caucasian early thirties man chasing after a Latino child on the streets of Los Angeles. Thankfully no one reported me for kidnapping!

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Politics

Gestational Surrogacy Legalized in New York State

The Child-Parent Security Act, which legalizes commercial surrogacy in New York State, was included in the 2020 New York State Budget signed by Governor Cuomo

Yesterday, a years-long battle about the state of compensated gestational surrogacy came to an end in New York when the Governor signed into a law the Child-Parent Security Act in the 2020 as part of the state budget.

The effort stalled last year after opponents, including several Democrats, successfully argued that the bill didn't go far enough to protect women who serve as surrogates — even though it included a surrogate "bill of rights," the first of its kind in the country, aimed at ensuring protections.

"Millions of New Yorkers need assistance building their families — people struggling with infertility, cancer survivors impacted by treatment, and members of the LGBTQ+ community," the Family Equality Council said in a statement about the victory. "For many, surrogacy is a critically important option. For others, it is the only option. Passage of the Child-Parent Security Act is a massive step forward in providing paths to parenthood for New Yorkers who use reproductive technology, and creates a 'surrogate's bill of rights' that will set a new standard for protecting surrogates nationwide."

Opponents, led by Senator Liz Krueger, had once again attempted to torpedo legalization efforts this year by introducing a second bill that would legalize surrogacy in New York, but also make it the most restrictive state in the country to do so. "A bill that complicates the legal proceedings for the parents and potentially allows them to lose their genetic child is truly unfortunate," said Sam Hyde, President of Circle Surrogacy, referencing to the bill's 8-day waiting period. He also took issue with the bills underlying assumptions about why women decide to serve as a surrogate. The added restrictions imply that "they're entering into these arrangements without full forethought and consideration of the intended parents that they're partnering with," he said.

The bill was sponsored by State Senator Brad Hoylman, an out gay man who became a father via surrogacy, and Assemblymember Amy Paulin, who has been public with her experiences with infertility.

"My husband and I had our two daughters through surrogacy," Holyman told Gay City News. "But we had to travel 3,000 miles away to California in order to do it. As a gay dad, I'm thrilled parents like us and people struggling with infertility will finally have the chance to create their own families through surrogacy here in New York."

"This law will [give intended parents] the opportunity to have a family in New York and not travel around the country, incurring exorbitant costs simply because they want to be parents," Paulin said for her part. It will "bring New York law in line with the needs of modern families."


Personal Essays by Gay Dads

Just Like Dad: Ways My Kids and I Are Alike

Joseph Sadusky recounts the ways he and his adopted sons are cut from the same cloth.

Editor's Note: This is the third in a series of excerpts from Joseph Sadusky's new book, Magic Lessons: Celebratory and Cautionary Tales about Life as a (Single, Gay, Transracially Adoptive) Dad. The book contains many stories about my life as a dad, as well as lessons learned, and we're excited to share several excerpts from the the book over the course of the next few months. Read previous installments here!

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Expert Advice

4 Tips for Single Gay Dads Raising Daughters

Here are some ways to create a safe space for your daughter to discover who she is, with you by her side.

There's nothing quite like father-daughter relationships, and when it comes to single dads, your little girl likely holds a very special place in your heart. From the moment she's born, it's as if you can see every moment of her life in front of you, from her first steps to walking her down the aisle at her wedding. You'll be the first man she'll know and talk to, and you'll be her biggest example of what a loving man looks like. She'll come to you for advice on how to navigate challenges, be independent, treat others and grow into herself.

Your relationship with your daughter may be shaped by your personal history, whether you've been through a difficult divorce or breakup, you've transitioned out of a straight relationship, or you made the courageous decision to pursue surrogacy on your own. Whatever your situation is, studies have shown that children with involved fathers excel more in school and have fewer behavioral issues in adolescence.

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Change the World

After Suffering a Violent Homophobic Attack, This Gay Dad Turned to Advocacy

After Rene suffered a brutal homophobic attack that left him hospitalized, he and his family have turned to advocacy to heal

Guest post written by Rene and Nejc

We are Rene (35) and Nejc (29) and we come from Slovenia, Europe. I was an avid athlete, a Judoist, but now I am an LGBT activist and Nejc is a writer, who published a gay autobiography called Prepovedano. He was also a participant in a reality show in Slovenia (Bar) and he is an LGBT activist too. Nejc and I met by a mere coincidence on Facebook, and already after the first phone call we realized that we are made for each other. Nejc and I have been together as couple almost one year. We think we have been joined by some energy, as we have both experienced a lot of bad things with previous relationships and now we wish to create and shape our common path.

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