Gay Dad Life

Our First Mother's Day

My husband and I are facing another first in our relationship--celebrating Mother's Day from the parental side of things. For years, we have gotten by with a card, phone call or visit and a bouquet of flowers to celebrate the special women in our lives. Now, however, we are celebrating Mother's Day from the perspective of our son Micah, and as two dads we don't really know what to do.

Micah is 8 months old and has been with us in an open adoption since he was three weeks old. At the start of the open adoption process, I was nervous but optimistic for the idyllic birth family/adoptive family relationship we often saw. However, the reality is that open adoption has been hard for our family. We have had our ups and downs with Micah's birthmother, Andrea, and her involvement in our lives. Recently she moved 10 hours away to live with her boyfriend. She is upset that we are not visiting her on a regular basis and especially wanted us to visit on Mother’s Day. It has been hard to help her understand that, while we are committed to our relationship with her, we are not able to drive up and see her as often as we like.

In spite of that, we are forever grateful to Andrea for helping us be a family. It seems fitting and appropriate to send her a Mother's Day card to celebrate her role in our new, modern family. As I was standing in front of a Mother's Day card display the other day, I tried to find the perfect card to send her. However, I could not. There was no card that said "Thank You For Giving Us the Ultimate Gift of Parenting--Your Child". So many of the cards celebrated how a mother raises and shapes the life of her child, but Micah is not being raised by his birth mother. Other cards make humorous references to the messiness and laughter of childhood. Andrea's not there to experience those daily joys and frustrations that make up a parent's life. I finally just grabbed a blank note card that we could personalize with a message.

But of course I'm constantly striving to be the Martha Stewart of gay dads, so a card alone was not going to cut it. After scouring Pinterest for ideas, bemoaning my lack of creativity and having a minor breakdown, I found the perfect idea--footprint art! Who doesn't love an adorable picture made out of a baby's footprint? We were set: relevant card, foot print art, Happy Mother’s Day.

However, Andrea is not the only woman who has contributed to our lives. We have a birth family with mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. We have our parents and grandparents. We have our babysitter who is a vital female presence in Micah's life. All of these people contribute to the success and joy of our family and deserve to be recognized on Mother’s Day. We started an assembly line consisting of paper, footprints, ink and stickers.

As I looked at the eight pieces of artwork we created (we had to keep one for ourselves!), I realized that each of these people has a special place in our continuing journey. Mother's Day with two dads is even more special because we are so thankful for all of the female support in our son’s life.

How did you celebrate Mother's Day this year? I would love to hear all your great ideas so I can be ready for next year! To all the mothers in our lives and everywhere, thank you and Happy Mother's Day!

Show Comments ()
Gay Dad Photo Essays

Celebrate Mother's Day This Year by Checking Out These Fabulous Lesbian Insta-Mom Accounts

Most of our content focuses on gay, bi and trans dad. But this Mother's Day, we're bringing you ten two-mom families worth following on Instagram.

Although the majority of our content focuses on gay, bi and trans dads and dads-to-be, we're always excited for Mother's Day. It's when we get to show our love for all of the AMAZING sister-accounts out there that celebrate lesbian moms!

This Mother's Day, we asked a few of our fav two-mom Instagram accounts how they celebrate the special day, what they love most about being a mom, and what they've learned in the process.

Be sure to follow these awesome lesbian and bi women celebrating all things motherhood on Instagram.

Keep reading... Show less
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

No, My Kids Don't Have a Mom; But I'm a Dad Who Learned From the Best

When his mom passed, Bradley Pounds couldn't imagine becoming a dad without her by his side. "But storms pass," he said, and "dreams endure."

A month before our first child was born via surrogacy, I came home late from work to find my husband sitting on the sofa in the dark. The blue light from the television lit up his face. His eyes were puffy; he'd obviously been crying.

Given the timing, I was surprised to see him in that state. This was our victory lap. Here's our story in a nutshell: After a nightmarish surrogacy journey failed a year prior, burning through 19 embryos and $50k with no results to show for either, we had opted to lay this project down and lick our wounds for a few years. Then, an incredibly generous woman stepped forward and offered to donate her eggs for no compensation. We took this as a sign that we were meant to get back in the game. We decided to throw a Hail Mary pass and try again, and this time we found ourselves working with an excellent reproductive clinic and surrogate sent straight from heaven. It all clicked, we got pregnant on the first try.

Keep reading... Show less
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

A Gay Dad's Tribute to ALL Kinds of Moms This Mother's Day

To mom's of ALL kinds: birth, surrogate, foster, step, expectant, hopeful, single, adoptive and married: Happy Mother's Day!

Ya know, as life marches forward and the older I get, the more I understand and appreciate the dedication and resilience of my own mother. As long as I can remember, Mother's Day has been special in our home. The unwavering commitment and tireless devotion that lady has shown for her family is selfless and humbling. The hardships she has seen in her life have helped shape her character and transform her into an even more compassionate and benevolent person.

Keep reading... Show less

'Life Is Amazing': Congrats to Gay Dads Whose Families Recently Grew!

Help us congratulate gay dads on their recent births and adoptions last month!

Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded in the last month or so a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

Keep reading... Show less
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

We Gained a Son Through Foster Care — He Didn't Lose his Family

Foster-adopt expert Trey Rabun writes a moving essay about his own experiences as a parent in the foster care system.

My husband, Phil, and I talked about having children since out first date over 11 years ago. Like many other gay dads, we waited to start the journey to become parents until we felt secure with our careers, finances, and home life. This meant we didn't start the partnering journey until 2016 when we were eight years into our relationship.

When we first met, I was completing my graduate studies in social work and subsequently started a career working in foster care and adoption. This made our decision to pursue foster care-adoption as our path to parenthood a fairly easy one. In fact, I can't recall us discussing other avenues to parenthood, but I'm sure we briefly discussed them before solidifying our decision to become foster parents.

Keep reading... Show less
Change the World

In the Philly Area? Attend 'Family Pride' On October 5th!

Philadelphia Family Pride is hosting their 10th Annual "Family Matters" Conference on October 5th for LGBTQ parents, prospective parents, and their kids!

Guest post by Stephanie Haynes, the executive director of Philadelphia Family Pride

On Saturday, October 5, 2019, Philadelphia Family Pride will hold their 10th Annual Family Matters Conference from 9am to 3:30pm for LGBTQ parents, prospective parents and their kids of all ages at the University of the Sciences in West Philadelphia. The theme this year is "Telling Our Stories." Registration is now open!

In an interactive keynote, Anndee Hochman, author of the Philadelphia Inquirer's weekly "Parent Trip" column, will share highlights from her work as a journalist and memoirist. She'll invite conversation about the stories that shape us—what tales do we share? who does the telling? who is left out?—and how those stories, added up, are changing the world. Read her bio.

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Adoption

5 Things to Keep in Mind When Preparing for Your Home Study

Molly Rampe Thomas of Choice Network lists the 5 things gay men should keep in mind when preparing for your home study

The homestudy is the first step in the adoption process. In every state the homestudy is done a little differently, but all of them have the some combo of paperwork, trainings, and interviews. The homestudy can take anywhere from 2 months to 6 months to complete. Without it, you cannot adopt.

Keep reading... Show less

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse