Dad Life

Finding Ella

Adoption is a blessing. But it's never a sure thing until the very end.

As an adoptive family, you really don't have much of a say in what happens until the very end of the process. All of the legislation and laws that exist around adoption are in favor of the birthmother---and understandably so. The adoptive family has faith to rely on, but not much more.

Erik and Douglas' adoption photo. Photo credit: BSA photography

Just a couple of days after I wrote my previous blog piece, our attorney reached out to us and apologized for the heartache the last birthmother we worked with put us through. It ended so abruptly. There was no closure on why the birthmother changed her mind or what her new plan was and Douglas and I will never know. I had to come to peace with that. I just know that everyone has a plan and it wasn't in our plan to adopt her baby.

Still, the month of March was a particularly difficult one for me. It was really hard for me to process all that we have gone through. All the ups and downs of the process felt like a roller coaster, one that would never stop.

Erik and Douglas' adoption photo. Photo credit: BSA photography

"I have found you another one!" our attorney told us on the phone.

At that point, all I could really do was cry.

Were we ready to do this again? Could we really put our hearts out there one more time? She seemed cautiously optimistic and hopeful.

So, after really discussing this drastic turn of events, we allowed ourselves to step out of our comfort zones for one last attempt. It was another Hail Mary, but we were willing to do it again. This was our second match since January 20th of this year.

The first time Erik and Douglas got to hold their daughter, Ella

Her baby was due at the end of May, so the time difference really wasn't too far off from the original birthmother's due date. It gave us about a month’s more planning to do.

Like I have said before, each adoption situation is different. This scenario was completely different from our first daughter's story. This time around, we became friends with our birthmother. She called us. We called her. The friendship made our bond more special because we were emotionally invested in each other. We cared for her and her two boys. Her journey was so inspiring and to me. She is a shining example of a phenomenal mother that would do anything for her kids. She was just not in a situation to have another one. We were all able to open up to each other and express our vulnerabilities.

Baby Ella. Photo credit: BSA Photography

Still, we had our hearts broken the time before, so we were paranoid and hypersensitive about everything. I was at least. I had to just let go of my fears and allow my mind to rest. I had to just hang on to the faith of knowing that our plan was being written by the courage we allowed ourselves to have.

As we inched closer to her due date, she had a few close calls with early labor. Douglas ended up taking her 4 times to the hospital during the month of May.

Allie Mae and Ella. Photo credit: BSA Photography

Then, at around midnight on May 22nd we got a text to rush to the hospital. This was the real deal. We jumped out of bed and went as fast as we could to meet her, and at 12:53 am our baby was born. Our prayers were answered and we were given a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby girl to complete our family.

So although I was sad and seemed hopeless in March, my heart was overjoyed and grateful in May. Blessings rarely come without heartache. It is through the pain you realize the purpose.

Silver Linings are always there. You just have to look for them. Sometimes it is hard for us to find them ourselves. It helps to have someone you love point them out for you- And when they do, have faith in finding your dream, the ambition to make it happen and the patience to persevere.

Photo credit: BSA Photography

I would love for you to follow our family’s journey on and like us on Facebook.

Read more blogs by Erik:

A Dad Finds Hope After a Failed Adoption

A Gay Dad Worries About His Daughter's Milestones

With  My Husband's Help, Becoming a Confident Gay Papa

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