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How Do Gay Dads Celebrate Father's Day Over the Years?

Whether it's your first time celebrating as a dad or your 30th, Happy Father's Day from all of us as Gays With Kids!

June is a celebratory month for us gay dads. We have Pride to remind us of our history, support our fellow LGBTQ+ community, and to be proud of who we are. We also have Father's Day, a cultural acknowledgement of dads everywhere!

It's a great day to acknowledge the dads in our lives (us included!) and the evolving role of fathers in general. But how does the celebration of Fathers' Day change for gay dads over the years? To find out, we spoke with seven gay dad families, each with a different number of Fathers' Days under the belt (from their first to their 30th!) to hear their family traditions, family stories, and their advice to future gay, bi and trans dads.


Happy 1st Father's Day to Ronald and Clarence!

Neil and Ronald with Viviana

Ronald and Clarence (Neil) Glenn Alarcon are thrilled to be celebrating their first Father's Day with their daughter Viviana, born July 19, 2018 via surrogate.

The dads met at a club in 2011, and over the next six months became best friends eventually stared dating. "We originally started talking about children in 2015 when a teenage family friend asked us to adopt their unborn child but later changed her mind." The dads would experience three failed adoptions, leaving them feeling lost and hopeless, before taking their friend up on her offer to be their surrogate, an offer she had made the year prior.

"We're most excited about being actual fathers for Father's Day! LOL," said Neil. "We have seven godchildren in total but this year will be different for sure." Although the dads aren't exactly sure what traditions they'd like to start for their Father's Day, they know it'll have something to do with traveling as they want to share the world with their kids.

One piece of advice to the next generation of GBT dads:

"Being a father is one of the best feelings in the world. The sleepless nights & poopy diapers are so worth it! LOL All the love that you give, you get it right back unconditional."

Happy First Father's Day to Nick and Shawn!

Nick and Shawn with Smith and Nora

When Nick and Shawn Goehring-Romero met eight years ago, one of the first things they bonded over was how close they were with their respective families, and how they really wanted to have their own one day. "Eight years ago LGBT families weren't as visible, so it took a lot of research and support from our friends and family," said Nick.

In November 2018, they welcomed twins Nora and Smith through adoption. "We have a strong relationship with our beautiful, caring, and unbelievably strong birthmother," shared Nick. "We were able to be there for the birth of our twins and she has made us a family."

As this is their first Father's Day, it'll be a day to acknowledge how lucky they are. "It is an amazing reminder of the importance of family. I'm sure there are going to be quite a few tears on Father's Day as we look at each other and again pinch ourselves that this is real: we are truly dads and words can't describe how much we love our beautiful children."

Going forward, they hope to establish traditions such as making breakfast together as a family, enjoying a walk or hiking together, or playing basketball as a family.

Our twins, Nora & Smith are 7 months old.- This year we are celebrating our very FIRST fathers' day as the twins entered our lives at birth in November. - When we met, one of the first things that bonded us was that we are both so close with our family, and we both wanted to figure out a way to have one of our own. 8 years ago, LGBT families

One piece of advice to the next generation of GBT dads:

"We encourage other GBT dads to SHARE YOUR STORY of how they became a family so that future generations know it is possible to be gay and raise a family. Everyone has so many questions, like we did, and we love being able to help others, so we know as long as we become more visible, others will feel supported and can have a resource."

Happy 4th Father's Day to Jonah and Deejay!

Jonah, Anuhea and Deejay

Jonah and Deejay Labayan-Arvelo are celebrating their 4th Father's Day with their 4-year-old daughter Anuhea.

Deejay, a trans man was able to carry their daughter. "We found as a blessing that I am transgender, and figured that we could bring a child into this world without having to jump through hoops and boundaries that other LGBT couples may find challenging," said Deejay. He also described the experience as "the hardest and, most interestingly, the most masculine thing I've ever done."

One of the things the dads love most about Father's Day is sharing their journey with other parents. "Being visible as a trans family, who also participates in drag, is a very different outlook for a lot of people. However, it's a positive lifestyle that is surrounded with love and acceptance."

While the family doesn't have any traditions for Dad's Day just yet, they imagine they will once their daughter is a little older. "She's going to come up with something wild and crazy she wants to do with her dads."

One piece of advice to the next generation of GBT dads:

"Treasure every moment with your children. They are direct reflections of we want this world to be. Have patience, and feed their creativity in every way you can. There is no greater joy than being parent, that is the currency that keeps you rich all your life."

Happy 11th Father's Day to Kyle!

Kyle with his kids, Kasen, Kaylee, Avery and Brynlee

Kyle Ashworth became a dad through a previous straight relationship. "I was married to a woman for 10 years and amicably divorced in 2017. Together we had four children and we co-parent them," said Kyle. "I feel so fortunate to have the opportunity to be a dad! I remember after the births of each of my kids, looking at them in their hospital blankets fearing that bringing them into the world would be the biggest mistake of my life. At the time I was closeted and feared coming out—even to my wife. I worried too much about what people would think of me and as a result, I worried about what people would think of my children.

I eventually came out, and the worst of my fears were never imagined."

Kyle is so proud of his children and feels as though they've taught him a lot, such as the important of honoring authenticity and honesty. "My children are strong, resilient and capable of giving love unconditionally. To them, having a gay dad isn't weird or shameful, but it is normal as any other parental relationship."

One of Kyle's favorite Father's Day traditions are the homemade crafts and drawings he receives from his kids. His home is proudly littered with sketches of giraffes, pandas, pugs and super heroes, although Kyle admits his feels somewhat close to donning a hoarder status as he has drawers full of their art. "I don't need ties, mugs or gifts for Father's Day, I just need them. I need my kids; they are my whole world."

One piece of advice to the next generation of GBT dads:

"To the next generation of dads, I welcome you to the club! Children will refine you. They have the ability to give you a perspective you've never before understood. Your capability to love them expands, your desire to seek goodness increases, and ultimately you will want the world to become a better place (because you know your children will venture into it someday.) I have learned that my children will follow my example, not my advice.

Go do some good today."

Happy 13th Father's Day to Bill and J.R.!

J.R. (left) and Bill with their daughters Mary and Nora

Bill Delaney and J.R. Parrish have two daughters through co-parenting. "We co-parent with our daughters' two moms and used at-home DIY insemination to conceive," explained Bill. "We have 50/50 legal and custodial rights and responsibilities." The kids split their time between their parents' homes which are 20 minutes, and the two families spent a lot of time together as a whole family.

As this is the dads' 13th Dad's Day, the love the excuse to do something a little fun. And still, Bill finds it triggers an odd feeling. "Even after all these years, I sometimes can't believe I have kids."

Typically, they celebrate with little weekend getaways. "Over the years we've gone camping, stayed by lakes in northern California, been to Russian River and Santa Monica, etc. Those trips are always just the dads and the kids." This year, it'll be a bit different as the whole family - moms included - will be in Kauai. "It wasn't intentional but worked out that way. This is our big annual family vacation so the baby mamas will be with us.

One piece of advice to the next generation of GBT dads:

"For couples, be a team and support each other. And that often means giving each other time off, so be willing to take on solo dad duty for a few hours or up to whole weekends. And whether a couple or a single dad (and especially the latter), if you don't have a built in local support network of extended family, think of alternate ways to create such support that doesn't always involve paying for childcare. Maybe work out an arrangement with other parents with kids of similar age to help each other out. Could be anything from helping with occasional errands up to providing weekends of childcare so you or the other parents can have time to themselves. We're socially conditioned to think our kids should be our 24/7 focus and source of happiness, but the reality is adults need childfree time…and often. Don't feel stigmatized into believing otherwise."

Happy 23rd Father's Day to Hunter and Johnny!

From left to right: Reed, Sidney, Eliza, Hunter and Johnny

Hunter Bigham's kids are 23, 21 and 18, and they are making him proud everyday. This will be his 23rd Father's Day and his needs are few, but being together is paramount. "The gift of time is precious indeed, especially at this stage in their lives."

Hunter was married to his children's mother for fourteen years after dating for eight. "Through quite a lot of self discovery, therapy, treatment, prayer, and help from the gay community, I came out in 2005 and we ultimately ended the marriage." Whilst rediscovering who he was, his kids remained the epicenter of his life. "They really saved me in so many ways; taught me how to be a man, showed me the importance of character, and just loved unconditionally."

In 2013, Hunter met Johnny Martell and although Hunter wasn't looking for a relationship, he immediately know Johnny would fit with his family. "His kindness and generosity are hallmarks of why our transition to being a family has worked. The children accepted him right away like I knew they would. It works because everybody understands how important the other is to me."

This Father's Day, the family plan to do what they usually do: church, food, and a movie. "Pretty simple, but special."

One piece of advice to the next generation of GBT dads:

"If you put the needs of children first, give them constant love and never stop showing up, they'll turn out to be the special people they were intended to be."

"I'm extremely proud of the work we have all done to make this house a loving home for all in it. There has been a lot of change in our lives and I believe we are stronger and love better because of it."

Happy 30th Father's Day to Gerald!  (And 15th for Gatlin!)

From left to right: Gatlin, Madison, Kinley, Gerald and Reggie.

Father's Day has another meaning for the husbands Gatlin Dresidan and Gerald Hyler this year: it's also their anniversary.

Six years ago, both Gerald and Gatlin came into their relationship with children from previous straight marriages. Gerald's son Reggie is 30, and Gatlin's two daughters Kinley and Madison are 15 and 14 respectively. The two men met via Facebook.

"When we first started you know it was Gerald's son and Gatlin's daughters but now we're one happy family. Our son Reggie got married last October so we now have a daughter in law to add to the family!"

Gatlin and Gerald chose June 16th as their anniversary to celebrate their relationship, and it also marked their first Father's Day together. Five years later, on June 16 2018, they were married. So this June 16 will mark their 6th anniversary, first wedding anniversary, and sixth Father's Day together. A special day indeed!

"You know, as parents we spend 99% of our time celebrating our children and their accomplishments, whether it's birthdays, graduations, sports, band, cheer, or what have you, that it's the one day that's set aside for them to get to celebrate the both of us," said Gatlin. "It's also a day for G and I to reflect and be extremely proud to be their fathers."

One piece of advice to the next generation of GBT dads:

"Enjoy every moment being a father the good and the bad! Remember that moments make memories for you and them!"

And Happy Father's Day to Phillip and Clinton ... in 2020!

Phillip and Clinton

Phillip and Clinton Billingsley from North Dallas are expectant dads, and eager to welcome their daughter via surrogacy this July. Phillip's sister is carrying the baby.

The husbands already feel like dads and although they are going to celebrate this Father's Day, they can't wait to recognize their first official Father's Day as a family of three next year. "I'm excited to spend the day reflecting on and celebrating our accomplishments as fathers with our daughter," shared Phillip.

The dads-to-be envision future Father's Days spent together, taking time to reflect on the "good times and love shared" as a family.

What's the best piece of advice you've ever received from a parent?

"Some of our favorites would be, Remembering to not overly expect too much from our children depending on their current stage of life, and let them be kids! Instilling the importance of always being kind and showing unconditional love to those around them! And lastly, to always be encouraging and supportive! We need to focus on building our children up!"

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Gay Dad Life

Brooklyn Gay Dads Who Brunch

This is the fourth year in a row that José Rolon has hosted a brunch for gay dads on Father's Day. This year, he played host to 80 people!

José Rolon has been throwing an annual Gay Father's Day since 2016, and every year they get bigger and better. "Basically I threw up some balloons and cooked for 30 people and let the kids run around my home," said José when asked about his very first brunch. Last month, he hosted 80 people at Everyday Athlete in Brooklyn and even had sponsors for the special event! We spoke with José to find out about his brunch celebrating gay dads on Father's Day.

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Personal Essays by Gay Dads

Things I've Learned in the Decade Since Celebrating My First Father's Day

This year will be John Hart's 10th year celebrating Father's Day as a dad. Here's 15 things he's learned in that decade.

I celebrated my first Father's Day as a new father a decade ago. And while some sleepless nights, whining phases or the Gangnam Style-era seemed endless at the time, the years have gone by quickly.

Here are some of the things that I've learned about since 2009:

#1. Learning is Constant

I have discovered so much more about hockey, hip hop and slime than I ever knew before. And just because I love musicals, singing and Tiana (my favourite Disney princess), doesn't mean my kids have to enjoy the same. Plus my kids tell me that just because I can do the Floss and Orange Justice, doesn't mean I should, especially in public.

#2. When it's quiet...

Just because it's quiet doesn't mean everything is ok. I've let the two kids play on when it was quiet, only to realize later they were playing with postage stamps as if they were stickers or were unrolling condoms onto their fingers ("these balloons are kinda slimy...."). On the other hand, just because it's quiet doesn't mean everything is wrong: I once checked on them in the other room to find them counting each others' toes and in the car I turned around to see them looking out their own windows but holding hands in the middle.

#3. Speak Out When Necessary

I have advocated – sometimes wisely, sometimes passionately (read angrily) for my kids while trying to navigate the education, health, social services and adoption systems. I am much more outspoken on their behalf than mine. I will go all daddy bear on you if I must.

#4. New Perspectives

I have looked at life anew through my children's eyes, especially Christmas, theme parks and board games. Also, however, sexism, racism and homophobia – while I want to protect their innocence and curiosity as much as possible, I need to prepare them for the real world. I feel they need to know what might happen, how to respond and how irrational it all will be.

#5. Old Perspectives

There are times when "when I was a kid..." stories are fascinating to the two kids – landlines? Antenna tv? VHS? And there are times when "when I was a kid..." is just not relevant to how they live their lives today.

#6. Curiosity 

The kids have questions – so many questions – but they're not looking for overly complicated answers, simply something they understand and hopefully an analogy to their own experience or to a character they know.

#7. An Extensive Family

We have grown our family by multitudes with our children, their blood siblings and their blood siblings' adoptive families. It is amazing to celebrate special bonds with them all and have so many people we now consider family.

#8. Love and Pain


I find ways to let my children know that they're wanted and loved every day, while also acknowledging the trauma of the separation from their birth families. Sometimes my love isn't enough because they have questions I can't always answer. We talk to them about their adoption stories, and to ensure their sense of permanency, I had tattoos of their initials inked onto my arms.

#9. Learning From Mistakes

I try every day to provide the structure, security and safety my kids need, but also room to grow and to express themselves. They need to discover who they are, explore the world and make their own mistakes.

#10. Learning From Mistakes (Daddy Edition)

I have found myself failing as a father, yet I have never given up completely. These kids are mine and I'm responsible. I need to learn from my mistakes and do better. I also need to admit my mistakes, apologize and show that we can persist, forgive and move forward.

#11. The Importance of Saying Less

There are times when "you're having a hard day, let me give you a hug" is all I need to say and all they want to hear.

#12. Creating Community 

We have met and bonded with many gay dads, sharing similar experiences of adoption, confused or inquiring looks, and times we need to out ourselves yet again. We have also met and bonded with many parents of whatever sex and orientation as we share the same experiences of trying to do the best for our children (and retain some sense of sanity), trying to register for programs with waitlists and swap helpful hints of how to get the kids to sit down and eat their dinner.

#13. Sharing Our Story 

I've spoken with dozens of gay men, both individually and while on panels, about becoming parents, offering advice, wisdom and encouragement. There are usually so many questions – How? How long? How did you...? When did you...? But also sharing our photos and stories that show the results and rewards of pursuing parenthood.

#14. An Online Community 

I've written for Gays With Kids for five years, offering insights and a personal perspective. I enjoy hearing from other families too and seeing photos from around the world. It is so wonderful to find a small but growing international community to encourage, support and inspire each other.

#15. Pride for All

It is important for our family of four to attend Pride together. Sure they've seen some things that make them giggle or prompt conversation later, but they need to partake as well. They need to see others like them – and others not like them – and be seen; they need to feel that they belong; and that they are equally deserving to stand tall and proud too. They're part of the community too.

Gay Dad Life

Gay Dads Featured in Commercial for Australian Apparel Brand,  Sportscraft

Just in time for Father's Day in Australia this year, and local apparel brand Sportcraft is honoring all kinds of fathers with this new inclusive commercial.

I just love this new campaign from Australian apparel brand, Sportscraft. Father's Day in Australia was September 2nd this year, so the brand is seeking to honor real fathers…real fathers who wear Sportcraft clothes!

But that's not what I love about the campaign, although I have to say that the clothes are quite the rage IMHO. What I love is how the brand celebrates fathers of all kinds…single, married, and yes gay.

The best part is that the brand doesn't oversell the concept, even though they are selling the clothes. No one gets a label, except for the clothes. These are just dads being dads, and on the Sportscraft website you can read, see, and hear what makes each of them special. And it's not because they're single, married, or gay. It's just because they're dads.

Click here to see the entire series of dads with their kids. Or click here to see the profile of gay dads Mike and Colin, along with a video of their kids saying how much their kids mean to them.

We don't need labels, we just need to be acknowledged for the contribution we bring to our families, no matter what our families.

Bravo, Sportscraft!

Gay Dad Family Stories

David and Ben Met on the Dance Floor — and Are Now Grooving Their Way Through Fatherhood

David and Ben, who became fathers with the help of Northwest Surrogacy Center, live in Melbourne with their daughter, Maia.

In 2003, while both studying at Reading University in the UK, Ben Suter and David Cocks met after locking eyes on the dance floor and then being introduced by a mutual friend. Ben, a meteorologist and Operations Manager, and David, an Assistant Principal, have been together ever since. They moved to Australia together in 2010, seeking a different life, and an overall better work-life balance. The chose Cairns in Queensland as their new home, between the Great Barrier Reef and the tropical rainforest, "taking life a bit easier," said David. The couple were also married in June 2016, back home in England.

While David always wanted kids, Ben took a little convincing. So they started their parenting journey with a dog, Titan, who quickly became like their first born. From there, Ben came around rather quickly.

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Personal Essays by Gay Dads

Single Gay Dad and the City

When Kyle decided to take his four kids, ages 6-11, to New York City on vacation, his friends thought he was crazy.

"You're crazy, Kyle."

"You can't be serious? A single dad taking four kids to the Big Apple? Think again."

"That's bold. There's no way I'd do that."

Those were a few of the responses I heard from my friends as I told them I was thinking of booking a trip to New York City with four kids, ages 11-6. My children's fall vacation from school was approaching and I wanted to get out of the house and explore. Was the Big Apple too much of an adventure?

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News

National's Pitcher Cites Wife's Two Moms as Reason for Declining White House Invite

"I think that's an important part of allyship," Doolittle said of his wife's two moms.

Sean Doolittle, pitcher for the Washington Nationals, declined an invitation to the White House after his team won the World Series this year. In an interview with the Washington Post, he listed his numerous reasons for staying home — and a main consideration, he revealed, was his wife's two moms.

"I want to show support for them. I think that's an important part of allyship, and I don't want to turn my back on them," Doolittle said during the interview.

Trump's treatment of a minority groups, generally, factored into his decision as well. "I have a brother-in-law who has autism, and [Trump] is a guy that mocked a disabled reporter. How would I explain that to him that I hung out with somebody who mocked the way that he talked or the way that he moves his hands? I can't get past that stuff."

Doolitttle clarified that his decision had little to do with policy disagreements with the White House. "There's a lot of things, policies that I disagree with, but at the end of the day, it has more to do with the divisive rhetoric and the enabling of conspiracy theories and widening the divide in this country. My wife and I stand for inclusion and acceptance, and we've done work with refugees, people that come from, you know, the 'shithole countries.'"

He concluded by saying he respected his teammates decision to attend the White house ceremony. "I want people to know that I put thought into this, and at the end of the day, I just can't go."

Read more of the Washington Post interview here.

News

New York Will Fight 'Repugnant' Trump Rule on Adoption, Says Cuomo

Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York promises legal action of the Trump administration moves ahead with plans to allow discrimination against LGBTQ adoptive and foster parents

Last week, the Trump administration announced plans to allow adoption and foster care agencies to discriminate against prospective LGBTQ parents — but he may face a legal fight from (former) hometown. In a tweet, Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York said the proposed move "isn't just discriminatory and repugnant to our values,— it's also heartless and dumb as it would deny countless children a loving family and a safe place to call home." If the proposal moves forward, he continued. "we'll take legal action to stop it.

Governor Cuomo's office followed up the tweet with a lengthier statement posted to their website:

Once again the Trump administration is attacking the hard-earned rights and protections of the LGBTQ community, this time proposing a new measure that would give foster care and adoption agencies license to discriminate based on sexual orientation or gender identity.

Trump's proposal isn't just discriminatory and repugnant to our values — it's also heartless and dumb as it would deny countless children a loving family and a safe place to call home. If he moves forward with this rule, we'll take legal action to stop it.

No matter what happens in Washington, New York State is and will continue to be a beacon of equality in this country. Our Human Rights Law and adoption regulations expressly prohibit discrimination against the LGBTQ community, including when it comes to adoption. I encourage any LGBTQ New Yorker who feels they are a victim of this discrimination to contact the State Division of Human Rights for assistance.

Our message to the Trump administration is simple: there is no place for hate in New York or in our nation, and we will not allow this noxious proposal to stop LGBTQ New Yorkers from becoming parents or providing care to children in need.

Fatherhood, the gay way

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