Gay Dad Life

How to Make Sure Your Surrogate Is a Good Match? Date for a Year, Like These Gay Dads

For a year after matching with her, these dads continuously met with their future surrogate to ensure they were a good match.

Terry and Paul met via an online dating site in 2012.

"As a couple, we just clicked!" said Terry. "We both had never been in a proper relationship and we just knew this was special."


Over the first few months of dating, the men didn't shy away from talking about commitment; marriage came up regularly. Both wanted to be dads and to them, marriage seemed like the first obvious step.

Paul (left) and Terry on their wedding day

They were married in 2013, and bought their first family home in 2014. At that point, their family was made up of Terry, Paul and their two Chihuahuas. But their family didn't feel complete.

"We wanted a child," said Paul. "We wanted what our families had."

After researching their options, they decided upon surrogacy. In the U.K. only altruistic surrogacy is legal, and the surrogate cannot be compensated for more than medical expenses. The dads-to-be made it a priority to gain a good understanding of the emotional, legal and financial implications of surrogacy to ensure their path to fatherhood was a success.

Terry and Paul found an agency they felt confident working with, and in 2014, that agency matched them with a potential surrogate. For the next year, the dads-to-be continuously met with their future surrogate to ensure they were a good match. The spent a year of getting to know one another before all three decided to move forward and begin their journey together. In 2015, their surrogate became pregnant.

Paul feeding baby Theo

For the next 9 months, Terry and Paul attended every doctor's appointment, every scan, every consultancy appointment, and continued to spend time with their surrogate and her family. She sent them a weekly bump picture throughout the pregnancy and filmed regular videos so they could share in the experience.

At 37 weeks, she went into labor and their son Theo was born weighing 6 lbs. 4 ounces.

"I can remember sitting side by side with my husband and holding our son," recalled Terry, "tears of joy running off our happy faces! The feeling was amazing, it was truly magical."

When they arrived home from the hospital, their friends and family celebrated the new family, welcoming them home and meeting little Theo for the very first time.

Terry and Theo

"Everyone was so happy to see us and to meet our son," said Paul. "The love we had around us was phenomenal; we are truly blessed and extremely lucky."

After 6 weeks, the dads applied for a parental order that would transfer the rights of the surrogate over to both parents, Terry and Paul. The process was a celebration, and the dads shared that it was an amazing feeling when Theo legally became theirs.

"We took photos with the judge!" said Terry.

"We will never forget the day Theo's birth certificate came through the post with both mine and my husband's name on it," said Paul. "Yes, we did frame it."

And as the days go by Terry and Paul are loving being dads. Each day they learn something new from Theo, and they wouldn't trade those lessons for anything.

Show Comments ()
Politics

Daughter of Married Gay Couple Who Used Surrogacy Abroad Isn't Citizen, Says U.S. State Department

A decades-old law can be used to discriminate against gay couples who use surrogacy abroad.

James Derek Mize and his husband Jonathan Gregg are both American citizens, but their daughter, born via a surrogate, may not be, at least according to the U.S. State Department.

The New York Times took an in-depth look at this case in a piece that ran in the paper yesterday. While James was born and raised in the U.S, his husband Jonathan was originally born in Britain. That may be enough, according to the State Department, to deny their daughter citizenship.

"We're both Americans; we're married," James told the New York Times. "We just found it really hard to believe that we could have a child that wouldn't be able to be in our country."

According to decades-old immigration law, a child born abroad must have a biological connection to a parent that is a U.S. citizen in order to be eligible to receive citizenship upon birth. Children born via surrogacy are determined to be "out of wedlock," according to the Times report," which then requires a more onerous process to qualify for citizenship, such as demonstrating that a biological parent is not only an American citizen, but has spent at least five years in the country.

The intent of the law, which dates back to the 1950s, was to prevent people from claiming, falsely, that they are the children of U.S. parents. But LGBTQ advocates argue this archaic policy is being used intentionally to discriminates against same-sex couples, who often have to rely on donors, IVF and surrogacy in order to have biologically children, and are thus held to a higher standard.

"This is where our life is. This is where our jobs are," James told the Times. "Our daughter can't be here, but she has no one else to care for her."

Read the whole story here.


Gay Dad Life

Netflix Documentary Explores a Gay Chinese-American's Path to Parenthood Via Surrogacy

"All In My Family," a new short documentary by filmmaker Hao Wu, explores his family's struggle to accept his sexuality and decision to pursue surrogacy in the United States

Filmmaker Hao Wu's latest documentary, released on Netflix this past week, explores his coming out story and his path to becoming a gay dad via surrogacy in the United States. Viewers watch as Wu comes out to his Chinese parents, who are not accepting of his sexual orientation.

As the film's synopsis notes, Wu, the only male descendant in his Chinese family, was "raised with a certain set of expectations - excel at school, get a good job, marry, and have kids." He achieves each of these goals, but as a gay man, he hasn't done so in the way his family had hoped. The film follows Wu brings his husband and children to China to meet his family, many of who are still unaware of his sexual orientation.

"I wanted to show the challenges for gay people of Chinese descent, what kind of cultural and generational barriers and differences they have to negotiate in order to build a family of their own," Wu said in an interview with InkStone.

Watch the moving documentary in full here.


Gay Dad Family Stories

This Surrogate Helped Two Different Gay Couples Realize Their Dreams of Becoming Dads

Shelly Marsh says her daughters are her "life," and wanted to share that love as a surrogate for two different gay couples.

We've shared hundreds, possibly thousands, of stories about GBT men who've become dads through the many different paths to fatherhood. We've thanked the women who've made our dreams come true; we wouldn't be dads without their, in many cases, selfless acts of love. Amongst the courageous birth moms, and our co-parenting counterparts, are the surrogates who carry our children. It's a very personal decision to become a surrogate, but Shelly's choice was simple: if she could help others experience the joys of parenthood, she would.

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Adoption

5 Ways to Know Your Adoption Agency Is LGBTQ-Friendly

So you're ready to adopt. How do you know your adoption agency won't just discriminate against you as a gay man, but is actively welcoming to LGBTQ people?

You know what is the worst? Adoption agencies who discriminate! So how do you know your agency welcomes you? Check out our list of five immediate ways to know if your agency is LGBTQ affirming.

Keep reading... Show less
Change the World

Gay Dads Featured in Enfamil Commercial

A new ad for Enfamil showcases two gay men talking about their daughter.

The best kind of inclusion is when you're not singled out but instead included right along with everyone else. This kind inclusion inspires others to pursue their own dreams and desires, just like any one else. As part of our popular culture, we know that brands are uniquely suited to inspire us in this way.

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Dad Life

Cooking with Kids: An Interview with David Burtka

David Burtka sits down with us to talk about his new book "Life is a Party."

When you're a young couple it's easy to order in or dine out on a daily basis, but when the kids come along, spending time in the kitchen to prepare nutritious and healthy meals for them can become a problem for some dads. We turned to gay dad and celebrity chef David Burtka who just published his debut recipe book Life is a Party, to get some advice, inspiration, and support as we take our baby steps in the kitchen.

Keep reading... Show less
Popular

Couple That Met at the Gym Now Spotting Each Other Through Fatherhood

How two real New-Yorkers became two soft-hearted dads

This article is part of our family feature series with Circle Surrogacy, a surrogacy agency that has been helping LGBTQ+ singles and couples realize their dream of parenthood for the past 20 years.

Byron and Matthew Slosar, both 41, met ten years ago at one of New York City's Equinox gyms. "I asked him for a spot on the bench press," smiled Byron. The couple were married September 22, 2012.

Surrogacy was always the way Byron and Matthew wanted to become parents. They chose to wait and become dads later in life, until they had established careers and the financial means to pursue their chosen path.

They signed with Circle Surrogacy after interviewing a few agencies. "We immediately connected with their entire staff, particularly Anne Watson who lovingly dealt with my healthy neuroses on the daily for 1.5 years," said Byron. "They definitely personalized the service and helped us understand all 2,000 moving parts." The dads-to-be were also very impressed with how much emotional support they received from Circle.

Keep reading... Show less

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse