Gay Dad Life

After Seven Embryo Transfers, Four Surrogates and Three Egg Donors, Martin and Roger are Finally Dads

This gay couple's surrogacy journey was a long and arduous one, but it's one that resulted in their beautiful son. They wouldn't change a thing.

Going on 17 years together, it seems like a lifetime ago that Martin Aranot-Lopez and Roger Lopez met via chat room in the days of America Online. Recently the Miami husbands, who were married February 5, 2015, became first-time dads after a long and what often seem futile struggle. But all the pain and anguish melted away when they held their son for the first time, two months ago. Here's their story.


Martin (left) and Roger

When Martin and Roger first met, kids weren't on their radar. Roger, at the time, was not ready and didn't share Martin's strong desire, so they put off the topic for many years. But somewhere around the time they celebrated their 13th anniversary, things changed. "It was as if something clicked inside him," explained Martin, "He was ready and always had been."

In October 2014, the couple began to pursue surrogacy. They researched and found a fertility clinic in Cancun, Mexico, created an embryo and began working with a surrogate. The first embryo transfer was unsuccessful. "Little did we know that was just the beginning of many heartbreaks and disappointments," shared Roger.

The couple pushed on in Mexico, but after seven transfers, four surrogates, and three egg donors, their last transfer resulted in a pregnancy, a little boy. "We were over the moon," shared Martin, "Telling out family and friends." But around 20 weeks into the pregnancy, June 2016, their surrogate suffered a miscarriage. All attempts had failed and all for different reasons. It was also around that time that the laws began to change in Tabasco, Mexico, regarding LGBTQ surrogacy.

The dads-to-be were devastated about the loss; it was almost enough to make them quit. Instead, they decided to take a break.

Midway through 2017, the dads were approached by a close friend, Dilia, of 20 years who offered to be their surrogate. The men were blown away, beyond thrilled, and immediately restarted the process. They had two frozen embryos transferred, one took, and on May 6, the two dads welcomed little Brandon into the world.

"Our journey wouldn't be possible without our beautiful friend and surrogate," said Martin. "She is our sister now and will forever be in our son's life as his aunty." "We can't thank her enough," added Roger, "She gave us the gift of life."

Martin and Roger's friend and surrogate, Dilia, holding Brandon

Dilia has agreed to help the dads grow their family again early next year as they try for a sibling.

Right now, the dads are figuring out fatherhood and loving every moment. And despite their numerous failed attempts, they have a message for gay dads-to-be: Don't give up! "Even when it seems it will never happen, push on. Once he or she is in your arms, all the time getting there will seem like it didn't even happen!"

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Gay Dad Life

Broadway Performer's Surrogacy Journey Briefly Sidetracked — for One Very 'Wicked' Reason

"Broadway Husbands" Stephen and Bret explain the exciting reasons they had to hit pause on their surrogacy journey — but don't worry, they're back on track!

In the latest video of the Broadway Husbands sharing their path to fatherhood, Stephen and Bret explain their hiatus for the past 4 months. The couple have big news to share including a relocation, a job announcement, and the fact that they're getting ready to restart their journey (which they had to take a brief pause from since September).

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Dad Tyler Fontes (read his story here) recently shared his experience as a dad through surrogacy with our Instagram community via a question and answer session.

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"We're Dads, the Greatest Thing We've Ever Been": Congrats to Gay Men Whose Families Recently Grew!

Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

Gay men go through a lot of ups and downs on the path to parenthood. It can be one of the most emotionally draining times in our lives. But as each of these families who are celebrating births and adoptions this month agree: it's worth every hardship.

Congrats to the dads whose families grew this month!

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Shop with a Purpose with Our 2019 Holiday Gift Guide

Want to find amazing gift ideas while *also* supporting LGBTQ-owned and allied businesses? Look no further than our 2019 holiday gift guide!

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Cameron Call showed up to his first family Thanksgiving since coming out and getting a divorce — and struggles to find himself "stuck with the singles."

Cameron Call, who came out in summer 2019, has generously agreed to chronicle his coming out journey for Gays With Kids over the next several months — the highs, lows and everything in between. Read his first article here.

Denial is an interesting thing. It's easy to think you're potentially above it, avoiding it, assume it doesn't apply to you because you'd NEVER do that, or maybe you're just simply avoiding it altogether. After finally coming out, I liked to think that I was done denying anything from now on. But unfortunately that's not the case.

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New Report Details the 'Price of Parenthood' for LGBTQ People

A new report by the Family Equality Council takes a deep dive into the current state of cost for becoming a parent as an LGBTQ person

Parenthood is expensive. But parenthood while queer is still prohibitively costly for so many segments of the LGBTQ community interested in pursuing a family, according to a new repot by the Family Equality Council, titled, "Building LGBTQ+ Families: The Price of Parenthood."

Among the more interesting findings was this one: the cost of family planning is relatively similar for all LGBTQ people, regardless of income level. This shows "that the desire to have children exists regardless of financial security," the report's authors conclude.

Research for the report was conducted through an online survey of 500 LGBTQ adults over the age of 18, and was conducted between July 11-18, 2018. For comparison, the survey also included 1,004 adults who did not identify as LGBTQ.

Other interesting findings of the report include:

  • 29% of all LGBTQ+ respondents reported an annual household income under $25,000 compared to 22% of non-LGBTQ+ respondents.
  • 33% of black LGBTQ+ respondents, 32% of female-identified LGBTQ+ respondents, and 31% of trans/gender non-conforming LGBTQ+ respondents reported annual household incomes below $25,000.
  • Respondents for this survey were selected from among those who have volunteered to participate in online surveys and polls. All sample surveys and polls may be subject to multiple sources of error, including, but not limited to sampling error, coverage error, error associated with nonresponse, and error associated with question-wording and response options.29% of all LGBTQ+ respondents reported an annual household income under $25,000 compared to 22% of non-LGBTQ+ respondents.
  • 33% of black LGBTQ+ respondents, 32% of female-identified LGBTQ+ respondents, and 31% of trans/gender non-conforming LGBTQ+ respondents reported annual household incomes below $25,000.
  • Regardless of annual household income, 45-53% of LGBTQ+ millennials are planning to become parents for the first time or add another child to their family. Those making less than $25,000 a year are considering becoming parents at very similar rates as those making over $100,000.
  • Data from the Family Building Survey reveals that LGBTQ+ households making over $100,000 annually are considering the full range of paths to parenthood, from surrogacy and private adoption to foster care and IVF. The most popular options under consideration in this income bracket are private adoption (74% are considering), foster care (42%), and IVF or reciprocal IVF (21%). At the other end of the economic spectrum, for LGBTQ+ individuals in households making less than $25,000 annually, the most commonly considered paths to parenthood are intercourse (35% are considering), foster care (30%), and adoption (23%).

What to Buy

A Gift Guide for LGBTQ Inclusive Children's Books

Need some ideas for good LGBTQ-inclusive children's books? Look no further than our gift guide!

Every year we see more books released that feature our families, and we're here for it! We're especially excited for the day when diverse and LGBTQ+ inclusive books are less of "the odd one out" and rather considered part of every kids' everyday literacy.

To help us reach that day, we need to keep supporting our community and allies who write these stories. So here's a list of some of the great books that need to be in your library, and gifts to the other kids in your lives.

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